You may wonder how important social media is in a relationship, including how your partner uses it (or doesn’t) to document your presence in their life and your relationship together. A partner’s social media habits can, in many respects, say a lot about the health of your relationship, which is why examining your partner’s social media habits can be well worth your time. This is especially true if some of their online behaviors bother you or leave you scratching your head as you try to figure out what they mean. Here are a few to look out for and what they could indicate.
Your partner won’t connect with you on their social media accounts (or all of their social media accounts).
Some people are very liberal with their social media, adding those they barely know, including someone they’ve recently met, to their followers or friends. But what about someone you’ve been dating, even exclusively, not only neglecting to add you but outright rebuffing you when you ask them to? Red flag.
If someone is willing to be intimate with you, spend time with you, and converse with you regularly about what’s happening in your and their lives, they should have no problem allowing you to see what they posted for breakfast. Of course, the problem for them might be what else you will learn if they add you to their account(s). One of those things is that they appear single online.
Your partner won’t post you on their social media accounts because they want to appear single online.
So, say you somehow get a glimpse of your partner’s social media after you’ve been dating for a while, have the title of boyfriend or girlfriend, and have met each other’s families and discover there’s no mention of you in any way, shape, or form online. Would you be annoyed? If you’re human and have any feeling left inside you, your answer is probably yes.
Yes, there may be a reason the person does not make mention of you, such as the fact you have done that to them first (grab the mirror), but if you haven’t, you should question what this person is trying to convey to those they have given a key to the kingdom. Likely, it’s that they’re single, even if they’re not.
As a side note, beware of the person who adds you but doesn’t give you full access. You can limit the audience of your Facebook posts, for example, just as you can your friends’ access to specific categories of posts. Are you sure you’re seeing the complete picture? If you notice you’re friends but can only see the person’s public posts, they may be posting content you have been restricted from viewing.
Your partner gets defensive when questioned about their social media habits.
If you question your partner about why they won’t connect with you and why you’re noticeably absent from their social media accounts or a particular account, and then they gaslight you, you better watch out. Usually, they’re hiding something. Whether it’s that they want to appear single or don’t want you to see who they’re interacting with online, or they’re deliberately trying to devalue you as narcissists tend to do, the answer isn’t a good one.
A partner who cares about you will want to make you feel included in their life, especially if you revealed that their social media habits were causing you to feel otherwise. A relationship partner shouldn’t go to great lengths to defend their behavior but should do what they can to correct it.
Your partner is actively connecting with accounts belonging to other singles.
What about if you have full access to your significant other’s social media account and see that they’re regularly adding accounts belonging to other singles? Ask them about it, including where they have been meeting these people. Do they know them in real life? Why are they adding them?
Make a mental note of your partner’s answers and how you feel upon hearing them. Do you believe your partner, or do you think they are gaslighting you? Your gut usually doesn’t steer you wrong. But if you aren’t sure, pay attention to your partner’s interactions with these accounts, theirs with your partner’s, and theirs with yours.
For instance, if a new account that makes you suspicious begins liking your posts with your partner, or one of these accounts follows your account, this person may have an agenda. Again, confront your partner and see what they say.
Your partner repeatedly “likes,” “loves,” or comments on social media posts belonging to singles, including seductive poses.
Take heed if your partner is repeatedly “liking,” “loving,” or commenting on other singles’ social media posts, including seductive poses. This is a form of communication; when you offer compliments like these, you are saying out loud what you’re thinking because you want the recipient to know.
It’s OK to like something in your head, to find someone else attractive besides your partner. But when you make that public to that person, a partner could construe it as a sign of disrespect, perhaps micro-cheating, depending on the boundaries of the relationship.
Your partner receives or sends private messages over social media accounts.
Have you seen your partner communicating via private message with accounts belonging to other singles? Has your partner told you about these communications outright as if it’s no big deal, or shielded their phone from you when you glanced over? Do they become irate if you question them, gaslighting you as if you’re the problem? More importantly, how do your partner’s responses make you feel?
You catch your partner lying.
If, by accident or because your partner finally admits it, you discover your partner lied to you, you have a decision to make. Their coming clean to you doesn’t absolve them of having deceived you, and you have every right to be angry. How you channel that anger is on you, including reevaluating your relationship in favor of one where you and your partner use social media to share your happiness, not take it away.