Given the attention to online dating (not all of it positive, to say the least), it’s easy to think that it’s the only game in town for meeting singles. Though online dating can be highly effective, especially when leveraged smartly, there’s another way to find love, and that is to slide into someone’s DMs. Someone you think is cute or interesting and would like to learn more about.
Not just Gen Z or Gen Alpha, but also many “older” singles are using this strategy to get dates. Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, and even LinkedIn give us daily access to hundreds if not thousands of people, many of whom are single and may not be on dating apps or using them to their best advantage.
It’s no secret that online dating apps are competitive and can quickly become frustrating and stressful. In contrast, social media can be a less pressure-filled way to get to know someone. After all, you’re just making small talk — for now.
Not sure how to start a conversation with someone you’re already connected to on social media or with someone you’re not yet? Here are a few tips for sliding into someone’s DMs.
Start with something personal.
If you’ve been using online dating, the advice to start with a personal message should be nothing new. That said, sending a “hi” or a “hey” is a surefire way to be ignored. It shows minimal effort, and the recipient will probably conclude that you sent the same low-effort message to them and many others. Instead, send a personal message based on their profile, possibly about something they posted.
Look for commonalities between you.
Should their profile not give you much to go on besides their photo, look for commonalities between you, including how you might be connected in real life, such as through a mutual friend or friends. Depending on the platform, you may have the opportunity to see whether you work in the same geographical area, work for the same company, or go to the same gym. Maybe you both have an online group you’re members of in common. Start there.
Keep it simple.
You don’t want to write a dissertation because, generally, no one wants to read one. Though you want to look like you’re being thoughtful in your approach, you also don’t want to look like you’re trying too hard. Short and sweet is thus the name of the game.
Stay classy.
Giving a compliment is a great way to endear yourself to someone, so long as you keep it classy. As a general rule, asking yourself if you would feel comfortable making the same comment to your mother or other family member is helpful. If you wouldn’t, you should strongly consider keeping that comment to yourself.
When you slide into someone’s DMs, presumably, it’s because you don’t know this person well or even at all. Therefore, you don’t know their tolerance level. It’s very possible you won’t get a response if you’re over the top, i.e., sleazy or gross. Worse, you could wind up blocked. Both will defeat your purpose for reaching out if it’s genuinely a date you're looking for.
Don’t get angry and retaliate if you don’t receive a reply.
Even if you’re friendly and “normal,” people are busy, and not everyone is glued to their phones even if they're not busy. Plus, no one owes you an immediate response or one at all. So, control yourself if you don’t get one or get one quickly. Never comment on their tardiness, perceived lack of manners, or express anger in any way.
If you choose this path, it’s pretty safe to say you will become persona non grata. You may also end up scaring the person on the receiving end. Regardless, it’s not a good look, and people talk, especially in an era of “Are We Dating the Same Guy” Facebook groups. Consider whether you want your mug on there, along with a description of your outburst. Word gets around.
Let your personality shine through.
Do be playful, and do be yourself. This is the time to display your quick wit and to be funny. Careful, though; there’s a fine line between cracking jokes and being sarcastic. So, consider whether someone could take offense at your brand of humor. If you’re unsure, run your opener by a friend who’ll give you an honest opinion.
Final thoughts …
Dating practices are constantly changing, and what you once thought of as unacceptable or behavior reserved for younger people might be the exact strategy that gets you the guy or girl you’ve had your eye on. The thing is, you’ll never know for sure unless you send the DM.