With so much attention on recovering from a breakup, you may wonder what's going on if you break up with your partner and feel anything less than terrible. Though you may not have realized it, not every breakup leads to despair and crying over a pint of ice cream. And there’s a reason for that — a few, actually. Here’s what it means when your breakup doesn’t just feel bad but feels good instead.
You’re relieved.
When relationships aren’t working, no matter how long it has been, they can cause one or both people a lot of tension. Whether that tension is due to frequent arguments, a partner’s abusive behavior, recognizing you and your partner have grown apart, or simply wanting to be on your own for a while, the end can feel like a weight being lifted off of you.
Sometimes, just the anticipation of knowing your relationship is on a path to its demise because your goals aren’t aligned, despite you loving your partner, is enough to cause intense stress. It’s why when the relationship finally does end, you find yourself pleasantly surprised at how good you feel, maybe even leading you to wonder why you didn’t leave the relationship sooner.
You now better understand what you want in a relationship (and this wasn’t it).
In every relationship, you have the opportunity to learn more about yourself. Through your interactions with someone else, you get to assess what you like about your life with them and what you don’t. You get to ask yourself the following questions: Am I growing as an individual, even though I’m partnered? Do I like who I am with my partner? Can I see myself sharing a future with this person?
After spending time in a relationship, you should have some definitive answers to these questions. Doubt, by the way, is also an answer. If not all of your answers signal that you should stay together, you may choose to listen to your gut (almost always the correct answer) and leave. Except now, you should be directed by the information you’ve obtained from being with your partner, which should also speak to your goals for your next relationship.
You’re looking forward to having more time to focus on yourself.
It’s natural when you’re in a relationship for some activities or friendships to take a backseat. There are only so many hours in a day, and with career or family obligations, it can become hard to keep every plate spinning.
When you end a relationship, you will naturally have more time. This can be good for introspection as well as being the perfect time to revisit old interests or find new ones. It can also be a good time to check in with people you weren’t able to spend as much time with when you were partnered.
Finally, if you’ve been neglecting your health or want to step up your self-care regimen, improving both diet and exercise, a breakup can be the perfect reason to jumpstart healthy habits. Not only will you look better, you’ll feel better.
You recognize you have pressing issues in your own life to deal with.
Your partner wasn’t the only one in your relationship, nor the only one who contributed to the dynamic you shared. We all have emotional issues, a past, and coping mechanisms that drive us to behave and react as we do. Now unpartnered, you have the perspective you may not have had before to reflect on your contribution to the relationship and what you may need to do to make yourself more relationship-ready moving forward.
A breakup can be a challenging time. But the good news is that you don’t have to do it alone. Lean on your support system, including friends, family, clergy, and mental health professionals, for stability and encouragement. If you’re open to it, there’s help available to you.
You want to take time to enjoy your independence.
There’s something empowering about making your own decisions and not having to compromise for a while. You can go to bed when you feel like it, sleep in on the weekends if that’s your choice, or take off for a spontaneous trip. These ideas are only the tip of the iceberg. Every day can be an adventure when you're in charge, so enjoy it. You earned it.
You’re excited about the possibilities of what’s to come.
Ending a relationship means you are, by default, opening yourself up to the possibility of meeting someone new. Though that might not be your first concern if your relationship recently ended and you want to process it (usually a smart idea), the opportunity is there when you feel ready. So is access to those, like myself, who have the experience and tools to make your dating journey smoother, more pointed, and, as a result, more fruitful, not to mention fun.