Dating Someone Who Has a Special Needs Child

Dating when you and the person you’re seeing have children or one of you does raises a host of issues. When a child with special needs is in the picture, the issues typically involved are amplified.

But that doesn’t mean you won’t be up for it or that you won’t enjoy the relationship as much as you would in a situation where there isn’t a child with special needs. You may, in fact, enjoy the relationship more because parents of special needs children tend to possess a specific set of characteristics that can be appealing. Plus, you may get the benefit of falling in love with their child in addition to them. 

However, you do need to be aware that such a scenario will likely require you to be more understanding of certain circumstances in your partner’s life. Parents of special needs children tend to have their own challenges to contend with and deserve to have a partner who’s supportive and enhances their life, not detracts from it. With that in mind, if you’re deciding whether to date someone with a special needs child, here’s what you should consider.  

Parents of a special needs child may have a stronger than average bond with their child’s other parent. 

Raising a special needs child can take a great deal of mental and perhaps physical stamina. It’s a role filled with inherent pressures, more so than parents who are not raising a child with special needs may face. Often, parents of a special needs child, despite not being together as a couple, will maintain a close bond in the interest of ensuring their child gets the love, care, and attention they deserve.

If you’re the jealous type and suspect such a close relationship between the person you’re dating and their ex will affect you negatively, then dating a parent of a special needs child who maintains close ties with their child’s other parent probably isn’t for you. The dynamic won’t be for everyone, and it’s better to be honest with yourself and bow out sooner rather than later.  

Parents of a special needs child may have additional concerns or worries.

Special needs can mean a lot of things, and no two children or their challenges will be the same. What the person you’re dating faces on a daily basis due to their child’s challenges could be a source of constant concern and worry for them. People who live with constant stress can experience a range of emotions like anyone else, but theirs may be more amplified and occur more frequently. 

This individual deserves a supportive partner, even if they’re doing just fine on their own. What they don’t need is someone who lacks patience or isn’t understanding of what they, their child, and their other family members are going through daily. Again, if this doesn’t sound like an environment you can not only survive in but also thrive in as an individual and partner, look for a relationship elsewhere. 

Parents of a special needs child will usually drop everything for them.

Prioritizing the needs of your child when you’re a parent comes with the territory. When you’re the parent of a special needs child, you may want and have to take that responsibility even more seriously.    

Whether warranted or not, a parent of a special needs child will usually drop what they’re doing (as much as they can) for their child if the child needs them. Last-minute cancellations, running late, and interruptions may be par for the course when dating the parent of a special needs child. So, if you’re a stickler for anything, it may be a good idea to stick yourself somewhere else.

Parents of a special needs child may be more overprotective of them.

Many parents find themselves being overprotective of their children, given their age and maturity. Children aging is as much a rite of passage for the child as it is for the parent, who must learn to loosen the reigns. 

A parent of a special needs child may find themselves more protective of them than they would another child of the same age or maturity level due to the challenges the child faces. Again, if you struggle with jealousy and not being the center of attention will bother you, and you believe you will feel that you’re competing with a special needs child for their parent’s attention, then this type of situation probably isn’t for you. 

Parents of a special needs child may take longer to invite you into their life.

Related to the last point, a parent of a special needs child may take longer to invite you into their everyday life. But who could blame them? They probably have more going on than most, requiring a lot of them, and don’t have the time or inclination to deal with shenanigans. 

If you’re still interested in dating that special someone that you have your eye on, and they’re interested in dating you, and they just happen to also be the parent of a special needs child, demonstrate with your actions, little by little and over time, that you’re serious about your intentions. Understanding all the while that a parent of a special needs child may, by virtue of the unique person they are, be well worth the wait.  

How Specific Should I Be in My Online Dating Profile?

If you’re new to online dating or getting back into it after a break, you’ve probably already read about what information you should include in your online dating profile and the kind of pictures you should take. This information is important, but it can only carry you so far. 

As many people sit down and begin writing their online dating profile, they suddenly find themselves stuck. Why? Although they know the ingredients of a successful online dating profile, when they actually put pen to paper or fingers to keyboard, they aren’t sure about a few not-so-obvious details, all of which have to do with one burning question: How specific should I be in my online dating profile?

It’s a complicated question because, on the one hand, you’ve been told to be specific about your likes, dislikes, and family situation (i.e., whether you have children), but on the other hand, have been told not to reveal too much (i.e., your financial situation or temporary joblessness). This is the confusion that causes people wanting to use online dating to say, much like Scarlett O’Hara did in “Gone With the Wind,” “I’ll think about that tomorrow.” It can be fine advice, especially if you have Rhett Butler in the wings lusting after you. But the reality is most people don’t, which is why you shouldn’t give up on writing your online dating profile. 

If you’re finding yourself stuck, even though you know what goes into a great online dating profile, it’s probably because you haven’t yet considered a few elements that, once you focus on them, can make the process of writing your online dating profile easier. These are the elements that take the question from “How specific should I be in my online dating profile? to the question, “How should I communicate specifics in my online dating profile without revealing too much?” Beyond personal details, here’s what you need to focus on when writing your online dating profile. 

Your story arc. 

Everyone has a story about how they got to where they are in life. The older you are, the more detailed and nuanced that story will be. Now for the tricky part: You want to take that story and pick and choose the highlights to create a picture of who you are today.

To do this effectively, write a list of the milestones in your life that got you to where you are right now. Was it growing up on a farm before moving to the city for your career? Was it getting married the first time and having four children whom you raised to become successful and contributing members of society? Was it deciding not to become a parent and instead devote your life to philanthropic endeavors? Whatever the major points are, once you see them in front of you, a picture will begin to emerge. 

Your “personal” details.

Underneath your bullet points for your story arc, add interesting details about your life from these periods. For example, if you played on the women’s basketball team during college, add a few words about that. If, while building your company, you got to live in South America, add that, too. If, at present, you love cooking vegan recipes at home, add another sentence or two. 

The point is that it can be helpful to have pertinent details in front of you as you begin to write, even though everything is all up in your head. Organization, especially in writing, can make a huge difference in the final product. 

Your outline.

Once you’ve created your outline, review it to see if there’s anything in it you wouldn’t want to share with your readers. If you wrote about how you were married to a narcissist who put you through the wringer in your divorce, consider whittling that down to a less personal statement, leaving the rest for revealing later when you’re in a relationship and are sharing more intimate details about yourselves. 

Whatever you write, it should be reflective of you, your life, and most importantly, what you’re comfortable revealing about yourself and your life. If it isn’t, delete it. 

Your dating profile is a jumping-off point for people you meet to learn more about you. Therefore, you don’t want to turn anyone off who won’t “get you” because they don’t know you, and you don’t want to act offended if someone you meet asks you a question because you communicated a detail that made them think their question was fair game. 

Of course, this scenario can still occur, and you always have the option to say, “I’m not comfortable discussing that.” But when you write your online dating profile considering these possibilities, you make awkward moments less likely. 

Your tone. 

Now that you’ve eliminated the points a reader could perceive as negative, you want to begin writing the draft for your online dating profile. As you do this, be mindful of your tone. You want to sound upbeat and positive, not only about yourself but also the people you’re looking to meet. However, you don’t want to sound so positive that you sound unauthentic. Readers will be reading between the lines. 

Your word choice. 

Related to tone, keep in mind that people from all walks of life and backgrounds will be reading your online dating profile. The language you use and your word choice will automatically attract certain people while weeding others out. 

This is fine as long as you’re conscious of how your word choice affects the overall perception of your message. Sometimes it’s not what you say but how you say it that resonates most.

Final thoughts …

Writing an online dating is a daunting process for many. But it doesn’t have to be if you prepare for it. Going through the process described above can make writing not only a more manageable task but a fun one, too. 

Remember, you are unique and have a lot to offer. So take the time to communicate that effectively and with confidence, letting that potential special someone know you’re here, searching for them as they’re searching for you. 

When You and Your Partner Don’t Share the Same Values About Money

One of the best predictors of relationship success is when two partners share the same values. Values can center around many aspects of life: religion, honesty, family, loyalty, hard work, and money, to name a few.  

Of these values, money and how it’s handled are common sticking points for many couples. But does having divergent views about money have to signal incompatibility or the end of a relationship? 

The short answer? No.  

That said, if you and your partner find you can’t agree about your philosophies on money, you will need to find a way to compromise. Here are a few suggestions about how.  

Talk about your vision for the future as a couple. 

The word money has a way of getting people’s backs up, so why not remove it from conversations with your partner for the moment? Instead, begin broaching the subject by discussing your shared vision of the future. Given that most ideas will cost money to implement, it will be a natural segue into a more detailed conversation about finances.  

Once you have an understanding of how you and your partner envision your own future and yours as a couple, something you should put on paper for both of you to see, you are ready for your next step. And that is to put a price tag on what those visions will cost. Some may be for now, others for later.  

Be mindful not to criticize your partner’s vision, even if it doesn’t align with yours at first glance. You want the conversation to continue flowing, keeping in mind that an open communication style is one of the hallmarks of a healthy relationship.

You’re a couple and not joined at the hip, so it’s OK if your partner’s dreams are different from yours. But you do need to figure out how to compromise with one another and figure out whether you have a way to turn those dreams into reality.    

Set a household budget. 

Be open about your individual financial situation with your partner and discuss yours together. If you live together, set a household budget if you don’t already have one. Talk about who’s contributing what and how much to the relationship, and come to an agreement about what’s fair for your individual circumstances.  

Once you have a budget in place, examine it and see what’s left after paying your major expenses and contributing to savings. That’s your vision money. It is the space where you and your partner need to come to terms not only with whether those visions fit into your budget but also whether they fit into your shared lifestyle.  

Some goals may have to be put on hold for a while for either reason. But again, be careful not to quash your partner’s desires. How you communicate matters.  

Allocate some discretionary money. 

If your finances allow, put away some discretionary money, both individually and as a couple. If individual, the amount you are setting aside should be disclosed to your partner. There’s nothing worse than learning your partner isn’t being honest — about anything — including how they’re handling money. 

Do keep in mind that no one wants to be told how to spend their money. So once that money is put aside for individual use, set aside to support personal dreams, step back, and let your partner have the autonomy each and every one of us deserves. You should be afforded that same respect from them. 

Make a pledge of honesty. 

The steps above reflect a willingness to work within your current value systems, not change them. No one, not even your partner, should ask you to change who you are.

But you do need to work within the confines of the relationship you set with your partner. More importantly, you should be honest about your willingness to honor the promises you make to your partner, which apply to money the same as any other promise would.  

Make a pledge to your partner and yourself that you will be forthright about your handling of money and will follow of the plan you set as a couple. If, for whatever reason, you have a moment of weakness or need to do something that deviates from the plan, go to your partner and talk to them.  

If you’ve built a strong relationship, and you respect it as much as you do your partner, nothing, not even an issue with money, will be able to shake you. Because the value of honesty has no price tag.   

Are You In a Dead-End Relationship?

When you think you might be in a dead-end relationship, you don’t wonder where your relationship is going but whether “this” is all there is, and if your relationship is one you can see yourself continuing in until you grow old. But before you make any life-changing decisions, you’ll want to first take a step back to see if your relationship bears the hallmarks of a dead-end relationship or if you and your partner are just going through a phase. Here’s what you should look for.  

You and your partner don’t communicate well.

It’s no secret that communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship. So, if communication with your partner is consistently strained, ineffective, or non-existent, it may indicate your relationship has met a dead end.

You and your partner can’t seem to resolve your issues.

Repeated arguments about the same conflicts that never seem to get resolved can create a toxic environment and indicate a lack of growth or progress. Like a hamster on a wheel, you and your partner are going nowhere fast. 

There’s emotional distance between you and your partner.

If either you are your partner, or both of you, are emotionally withdrawn, and it’s not episodic, it may be a sign that the connection you share is weakening. It may not be something you can quantify, and you or your partner may be experts at denying it when questioned, but it’s definitely something you can feel.

Your relationship lacks intimacy.

How’s your sex life? Not so hot? A significant decrease in physical or emotional intimacy may indicate a deeper issue, not that you’ve just been busy. Intimacy is integral to a healthy relationship, and its absence or drastic reduction can signal a dead-end.

You and your partner have different goals.

If you and your partner have fundamentally different long-term goals, such as whether you want to get married, become parents, where you want to live, or what you envision your careers to be, it can signal you’ve reached a roadblock in your relationship.

One or both of you are unhappy.

If one or both of you feel unhappy (and, let’s face it, one of you feeling this way is enough), unfulfilled, or stagnant in your relationship pretty much all of the time, it’s time to evaluate whether the relationship is where you need to be in your life.

Your relationship is plagued with trust issues.

Trust is vital for any relationship to endure. If there’s a lack of trust due to past betrayals such as infidelity, dishonesty, or the telling of “white lies,” or suspicion in general, it can hinder the growth of the relationship. More than that, it can kill it.

One or both of you have stopped making an effort.

A healthy relationship requires effort from both partners. If one person is consistently putting in more than the other, it may lead to resentment and dissatisfaction. Even contempt. Speaking of which …

You and your partner feel contempt for one other.

Contempt can rear its ugly head in many ways. If one or both of you display a consistent pattern of disrespect, it can chip away at the foundation of your relationship pretty fast. Or it may already have.

One or both of you aren’t willing to do the work to improve your situation.

If you and your partner are not on board with changing yourselves (because that’s all any of us really have the power to change), are resistant to personal growth, or find yourselves unable or unwilling to adapt to new circumstances, it will stagnate your relationship.

Both of you need to commit to improving your situation before it becomes a way of life or the end of the life you share. Neither one of you can do it alone. 

One or both of you feel unappreciated.

If you always feel unvalued, unappreciated, or ignored by your partner, it’s a clear sign that your relationship in its current state is not providing you with the emotional support you need. Everyone needs emotional support, and the first person you should expect it from (yes, I said expect) is your partner in love and life.

You and your partner repeatedly break up and reconcile.

If you and your partner break up and reconcile often, threaten to, or if you’re married, throw around the “D” word, you’ve got some unresolved issues that need addressing. If you can’t or are unwilling to address them (see above), it’s time to move forward independently once and for all.

Final thoughts …

Not every relationship is built to last. If you aren’t sure if yours is, enlisting the assistance of a third party, such as a relationship coach or mental health professional, can be helpful to either assist you in improving your current situation or exit it with respect and dignity. As much as dead ends can be cause for sadness, they can signal new beginnings that eventually give way to happiness.

Why a Cooking Date Is a Recipe for Relationship Success

Who remembers Bridget Jones’s fiasco dinner party in the movie “Bridget Jones’s Diary,” which ended up including blue soup, orange marmalade, and caper berry gravy, aka congealed green gunge?  

Thankfully for Bridget, love interest Mark Darcy, who happened to drop by before the guests arrived, was more than willing to pull out his culinary skills and make omelets in an attempt to save the meal. Let’s just say the kitchen got a little hotter with all the eye contact, indicating their relationship had the potential to heat up.  

Dramatic license, maybe. But there was a lot of truth in the interaction and how cooking can be a recipe for relationship success. It should, therefore, come as no surprise a lot of couples do it.        

Cooking with a love interest, whether it’s someone you’ve recently begun dating or a partner you’ve been with for a long time, is a popular date activity. And there’s a reason — actually, a few — why.  

You get to create together.  

Cooking together involves joint effort. It’s not just about the end result — the meal — but the process of creating the meal as a team.  

Two partners working toward the same goal, here a culinary one, not only demonstrates a shared commitment but also requires coordination and communication. From grocery shopping beforehand to chopping vegetables to stirring the pot, every task becomes a shared endeavor, reinforcing the idea that you can work together and, just as importantly, like to. 

You teach and learn from each other when cooking a meal.  

Cooking allows love interests to share their culinary expertise. Whether passing down family recipes, demonstrating specific skills, or simply learning from each other’s cooking styles, the exchange can strengthen your connection and understanding of one another.  

The experience can similarly introduce you to foods you may have yet to eat or spices you may not have used in your own recipes. You can learn a lot about a person’s upbringing and culture from the dishes they prepare and the ingredients they put in them. 

The division of labor is a lesson in cooperation. 

Cooking a meal requires planning and organization. You and your partner must decide who’s in charge of grocery shopping, who will tackle the prep work, and who will clean up. Of course, you can do all of these activities together, breaking down the labor further within each activity (one partner loads the dishwasher, the other empties it, for example).  

This division of labor, however, is not just about chores; it’s a lesson in cooperation and collaboration. Discussing and allocating responsibilities in the kitchen can enhance communication skills that carry over into other areas of your relationship. Couples that truly operate as a team don’t do so only in the kitchen.   

Cooking at home is economical. 

Cooking at home is an economical activity. The cost of ingredients for a homemade meal is often far less than dining out. The best part is that you can also get multiple meals from one cooking session.  

Though saving money may not be your primary goal or the reason you decide to cook a meal with your partner, getting value can be a silver lining. If saving money is a priority for you, as it is for many, eating at home can be an efficient way to reallocate funds toward another activity outside the home you can enjoy together as well. 

Preparing a meal with your partner promotes intimacy. 

Cooking together is an inherently intimate experience. The private setting, working together in close proximity, the cooperation, and the sensory engagement create a unique atmosphere that can bring two individuals closer together.  

Where you enjoy that meal matters, too. Given how much effort you put into preparing it, don’t forget to set the table or light the candles. Consider eating your meal outdoors by candlelight under the stars if the weather allows or sitting on pillows at a coffee table next to a fire burning in the fireplace.  

Cooking allows you to show your appreciation for your partner. 

The intimacy extends beyond the cooking process into the sharing of the meal you create. Conversations tend to flow naturally as you work side by side, allowing you to learn more about one another in a casual atmosphere.  

Serving the food you made together is similarly a gesture of love and appreciation, and sharing this meal can create more moments of vulnerability and closeness. For many, feeding someone they care about is an expression of affection. 

It’s fun! 

Cooking with a partner can be a whole lot of fun. The laughter, the playfulness, the occasional mishaps, and the joy of creating something delicious (hopefully) make the process enjoyable and unique every time. Even if the meal turns out to be not as delicious as expected, it can be a situation you laugh about now — and in the future.   

Final thoughts … 

A cooking date is about more than making a meal; it’s a multi-faceted experience that can strengthen the foundation of your relationship at any stage. From teamwork and learning to the economic benefits and deepened intimacy, the kitchen can become a space where love is not only served up but also savored and shared. So, the next time you’re thinking about date ideas, consider turning up the heat in the kitchen. And your relationship. 

Dating With Pets

Animals play an integral role in many people’s lives. Not surprisingly, navigating relationships when pets are involved has become a significant aspect of dating. Just ask Tori Spelling.  

According to People magazine, estranged husband Dean McDermott pointed to Tori’s pet pig sleeping in their bed, a chicken living in the bathroom, and multiple dogs in their home as a contributing factor in their marriage’s ultimate demise.    

As outlandish as his claims may sound, McDermott’s statements underscore the importance of partners being on the same page when it comes to pets; having divergent views can directly influence the harmony in a relationship. With this in mind, if you have a pet or are considering dating someone who does, here are a few issues to consider.  

Don’t assume everyone’s a pet lover. 

Incomprehensible or painful as it may be to imagine a person who doesn’t love pets or a particular animal, it’s part of life that not everyone will share the same enthusiasm for pets as you do. Avoiding the assumption that everyone loves animals can help you navigate relationships more effectively. 

People tend to have varying comfort levels and experiences with animals. Some may also have allergies. Therefore, it’s best to approach these differences with respect and understanding. 

Discuss pets with a partner. 

Being mindful of personal boundaries when dating with pets is key. While a pet may be a member of the family for some, it’s not the case for everyone. Gauging your and your partner’s comfort level before incorporating pets into shared spaces or activities can prevent issues from arising.  

If you have a pet or want one in the future, discussing your stance on pets early on can save everyone time and trouble. When you’re honest about your intentions regarding pets, you will better understand each other’s commitments and whether pets will fit into your respective lifestyles.  

Before making any decisions regarding pets, addressing potential concerns, such as the expense of caring for pets, fear or dislike of a specific type of animal, allergies, or any other reservations, can help to establish a transparent and considerate atmosphere. By engaging in clear communication from the start, you can build a solid foundation for your relationship so that the needs of humans and pets are acknowledged. 

The idea is that as your relationship progresses, everyone, including your pets, should feel at ease. Continually sharing your thoughts on pets demonstrates a willingness to understand and respect each other’s personal boundaries, keeping the tone of your dating environment positive and inclusive. 

Pet-friendly dates. 

Pet people like to share their love for their pets, especially with other pet lovers or people they love or think they may love one day. Dates involving pets can help pet owners test the waters and see how everyone gets along.   

Selecting pet-friendly venues for dates is a fun way to create a comfortable environment for love interests and furry companions. Venues can include pet-friendly restaurants and parks or activities catering to pets’ well-being, such as cat cafés.  

Whether it’s a casual stroll in a dog-friendly park or a cozy dinner at a pet-friendly restaurant, the venue you pick can affect the dynamics of a date. One caveat: Keep pet comfort and safety in mind when deciding where to go.  

Don’t neglect your date because your pet is present. 

It can be a delicate balance to pay attention to your date and pets at the same time, but the quality of your date will depend on it. While pets are cherished family members, it’s important not to let their presence overshadow the connection you have with your human partner.  

To that end, find opportunities to engage with your date without neglecting pets’ needs. This might involve planning activities involving both humans and pets so everyone feels valued and included. Striking this balance demonstrates a thoughtful approach to all kinds of relationships. 

Set clear boundaries for pet involvement during dates, too. This will help to avoid potential conflicts or feeling uncomfortable. While incorporating pets into shared activities can be enjoyable, it’s also important that their presence aligns with the context of the date.  

Setting expectations and limits on pet involvement (i.e., the pet isn’t always present) will help foster a positive atmosphere while also preventing unintended disruptions or a pet becoming an unwanted intruder. No one likes a third wheel, no matter how cute they are.  

Handle pet-related issues promptly. 

Address pet-related issues, especially allergies, early. Discussing specific triggers and the potential severity of them can give you time to find practical solutions. This may involve establishing pet-free zones within the home, using air purifiers, or exploring hypoallergenic pets.  

Finding common ground and solutions together again demonstrates a willingness to accommodate each other’s needs and wants. It’s also an indicator of whether your relationship will be able to endure despite potential pet-related challenges. 

Handling animals’ behavioral issues is yet another aspect of dating with pets that may require extra attention. Discussing training and behavior expectations openly can lay the groundwork for a harmonious co-existence between you, your partner, your respective pets, or pets you may adopt together. 

In cases where behavioral issues persist, consider seeking support from a certified animal behaviorist or trainer. Taking this extra step demonstrates your commitment to the well-being of your relationship and the pets involved in it. 

Final thoughts … 

Understanding the dos and don’ts for creating a “pawsitive” partnership can help you and your partner to remain respectful of each other and each other’s pets and embrace wholeheartedly the responsibilities and joys that come with having animals. This includes any animals you may decide to welcome into the relationship as a couple. 

By following these suggestions, you can enhance your dating experiences and build lasting connections that include all family members — human and furry. 

What Should You Do if You Find Yourself in a ‘Situationship’?

The word “situationship” is frequently used to talk about those in-between connections that aren’t “quite” casual dating but not reflective of a serious commitment either. Such relationships can be confusing, especially when they involve sex and intimacy, and leave people wondering where things are going.  

For many, this is a hard place to be, especially as time goes on. Therefore, if you find yourself wondering where you stand with a romantic interest and want to know for sure, follow these steps.  

Assess your feelings and expectations. 

In ambiguous situations, it’s easy to explain away or dismiss what you’re feeling. However, that does not help to get out of a situationship, especially if it’s not working for you.  

If you are unhappy with the current state of your relationship, take a step back and ask yourself why. Assess your feelings and be honest with yourself about what you expect from a relationship and what you want from this relationship, now situationship, that you’re in currently.   

Initiate a conversation.  

Once you figure out what you want and what you’re missing with the person you’re seeing, start an honest conversation with them about the state of your relationship.  

Calmly share your feelings and expectations with them, giving them ample time to respond. Listen without becoming agitated if they should tell you something you don’t want to hear or weren’t expecting to hear. Chances are, you won’t be able to change their mind, and having an angry outburst will generally only make matters worse.  

Define the parameters of the situationship. 

Should you decide to march on with your existing relationship, or some form of it, define how your situationship will look. If the other person agrees, stick to the rules you’ve created, even if they try to get you to bend.  

Deviating from the terms you’ve set will only cause you heartache unless you both agree to revamp your agreement. You should both be on the same page about any changes you make.  

Evaluate your long-term compatibility. 

Healthy relationships evolve. Situationships typically don’t because one person is happy with maintaining the status quo. If you are the other person, the one who’s looking for clarification and a roadmap toward a “real” relationship, assess whether being in a situationship aligns with your personal values and goals.  

Clarify whether the potential exists for a more committed relationship and if you could be happy not growing into such a commitment while continuing to see this person. If it’s long-term compatibility you seek, and they are not willing to give that to you, consider moving on to find someone who will.   

A word to the wise: Take maybe as a no. Never, never waste time waiting for someone to choose you. Someone who wants you and a life with you will let you know. Often, the only way to get a person who’s wavering to decide is to leave. You will have your answer if they allow you to go and don’t try to get you back.

Make a decision and take action. 

Once you have a conversation and gather all your facts, decide whether you want to continue with this person or end the situationship. In theory, it should be an easy choice if someone isn’t giving you what you want and deserve. However, the reality is that emotions can be strong and won’t always direct you to what’s in your best interests. So, you must be strong and stay true to yourself.  

With that in mind, implement changes based on your own needs and desires, not the other person’s. It won’t be easy and may very well be painful. But you need to send packing what — and whom — is not serving you and make room for what — or whom — will.  

Final thoughts … 

People don’t generally plan to be in a situationship but sometimes wake up and find themselves in one. But as the name implies, a situationship is exactly what it sounds like: a situation. Meaning, it doesn’t have to be forever.  

You and you alone can change your surroundings and the people you surround yourself with. Just not the people themselves.  

Dating and Board Games: How They Can Strengthen a Couple’s Bond

A popular date night activity for singles and married partners, young and old(er), is to play a board game. Board games are not only for kids. However, they can bring out the kid in you and take you back to your childhood. 

With so many board games on the market now, including ones we know well that even come in their retro packaging, the options for date night fun are endless. That is if you and your partner are for the challenge — quite literally. If you haven’t tried it, here are a few reasons to put game night on the calendar for you and your partner.  

Board games are an activity couples can share.  

It’s no secret that engaging in shared activities is good for relationship-building, and playing board games provides a structured and enjoyable way to spend time together. Playing board games is not always everyone’s immediate go-to for date night ideas, so if you’re looking to change up the routine of going for drinks or dinner, board games can be a nice addition to your repertoire. It can also be a great way to extend a date, say with a game of Scrabble or Rummikub after a meal.   

Couples can engage in communication and teamwork. 

Board games encourage communication and teamwork, essential skills in any relationship. When playing a board game one-on-one, you have yet another opportunity to chat, the game serving the same function —setting the stage — as a dinner would, for example.  

Playing board games also allows you and your date to compete against others as a team. As you do, you can see how well you collaborate and work to overcome challenges together as they present themselves.    

Board games give couples an opportunity to compromise. 

Compromise begins with deciding to give board games a chance as a date night activity, and then again when you choose the game that you are going to play. If you both decide you like the activity and want to do it again, you are compromising each time you select which game to play! 

If you are playing a board game as a team, you have another chance to see your partner’s willingness to compromise in action. After all, you often have to devise a strategy or pick one answer to present when playing on the same team. Whose strategy are you going to go with? Whose answer are you going to give? Does it matter whose idea it was? You can learn a lot about your date from these moments.

Couples can see their partner’s competitive side.  

Similar to how they can give you a birdseye view into how well you can collaborate and compromise, board games provide a chance to see your partner’s competitive side. Unless you are put into a competitive situation, many couples don’t realize how aggressive their partner can get under the right conditions. How your partner reacts when they win or lose can be telling about how they may behave in other scenarios where they are opposing someone else, including you.  

Board games are fun. 

The operative word in the phrase board game is game, which usually spells fun. If everyone’s taking it in stride and not behaving too competitively, a board game can be a source of enjoyment and laughter for a couple and a group. Board games can also be the impetus for scheduling a get-together with friends, such as a game night-type party.   

Of course, even if everyone’s paying by the rules (of the game and socially), not everyone finds board games enjoyable. And that’s OK. Then, you don’t have to make playing them a regular occurrence.  

However, if your partner really loves board games, you may want to “take one for the team,” your team, every once in a while and play them as a couple.   

Couples get to spend quality time together and create lasting memories.  

Spending quality time with your partner is imperative if you expect to deepen your relationship. Whatever the activity, it becomes the basis for the memories you create, hopefully good memories.  

If board games can be a reason for you and your partner to share a part of yourselves with one another, and it makes you both happy (or if making your partner happy makes you happy), then, by all means, pull out the Monopoly board, smile, and take a stroll down Boardwalk. Just try and stay out of jail, or, at a minimum, the doghouse by being a good sport.  

‘The Golden Bachelor’ Bombshell: What Should You Do if You Learn Your Partner Lied to You?

It’s a “Tale as old as time/Song as old as rhyme/Beauty and the …” liar? Wait. Wasn’t it supposed to be “The Golden Bacheor” Gerry Turner’s first dip, maybe not at the ball, but in the dating pool since his wife passed away from an infection in 2017?  

Seems not, according to the Daily Mail and, apparently, the rest of the internet. An old girlfriend, Carolyn, came forward recently claiming she not only dated the coveted 72-year-old cad but was living with him at his lake house before he gave her walking papers for gaining a whopping 10 lbs.  

There were other allegations from this once unknown ex, too: As she was packing to leave the love shack, Carolyn claims to have accidentally fallen down the stairs but says her former roomie was not very sympathetic, accusing her of using the fall, which necessitated surgery, as an excuse to stay in the house longer than the Januar 1 deadline he gave her to get out.  

The icing on the cake? Carolyn claims Gerry was cheap.    

Mic drop. 

Despite him wanting to focus only on the “positive things that are going on” now, which include his upcoming televised wedding on January 4, 2024, with winner Theresa Nist, 70, and as other chatter about “a number of women” emerges, Gerry has admitted there might be some truth in the claims. Which raises a big question: 

What should you do if you learn your partner lied to you?  

Here are a few ideas.  

Remain calm. 

It can be difficult to discover something you were told isn’t true, especially if what you were told came from someone you trust and love. Difficult can often translate to maddening.  

As much as you may want to yell and scream, maybe throw something, don’t. It’s not a good look and it won’t do anything, anything positive that is, for the current state of your relationship.  

However, that doesn’t mean you should ignore what’s happened either. For the sake of your sanity, let your partner know you want to … 

Have a conversation.  

When you are able, when you can be calm, sit down with your partner and clarify what they have told you in the past versus what the truth really is just to make sure you have your facts straight. Then ask them any questions you have, such as why they lied and whether they would go about the situation the same way if they had to do it all over again.

Be sure to allow your partner enough time to talk and listen attentively as they do. Then … 

Establish rules around truth-telling.  

Even if you are not yet sure about what the future holds for you as a couple, let your partner know that you believed they were honest because you expected them to be. Let them know you expect the truth from them from this point on.  

This rule would apply whether you decide to stay with your partner or the lie they told makes that impossible. Even if you end your relationship and interact later as friends or acquaintances, remind them that your standards for truth-telling will always be the same.     

Make a decision about the future.  

Once you’ve gathered all your facts and considered your relationship in light of them, make a decision about your future together. If you feel your partner wants to make the situation right, and you are up for giving your relationship another go, commit as a couple to repairing the damage that has been done by the lying. Reminder: You both have to be committed since it takes two people to make a healthy relationship.  

Rebuild trust. 

Once you and your partner have (re)committed to your relationship and working on the issues around the lie your partner told (there are always other issues since nothing happens in a vacuum), the first step will be to rebuild trust between you. Be aware that rebuilding trust, if it can be rebuilt, is a long process requiring patience on both your parts. You may find that you need support in this area.    

Seek counseling. 

Relationship counseling can be helpful when trying to rebuild trust in a relationship where it has been undermined or lost. But again, both partners have to be willing to participate for it to be effective. Individual counseling can also be beneficial in conjunction with couples counseling.  

Trust but verify. 

If after doing the work you feel you can trust your partner again, don’t keep bringing up the past. Move forward and continue living your lives as a couple and individually. 

That said, every experience comes with its lessons, and you don’t need to forget those you’ve learned. And while it’s good to trust, it’s also good to verify. What do you think, Theresa? 

You Are Bi-Sexual. How and When Should You Tell Your Date?

Dating when you are bisexual can bring up some unique challenges, but it can also be a rewarding experience. Being honest and open with yourself and your potential partners about your sexuality will help you to find the right person. One who is accepting and understanding of your identity, who shares similar values, and who will support you.   

Not everyone will fit the bill. Therefore, it is important not to rush into relationships and to take the time to get to know potential partners before making a commitment. With that in mind, here are a answers to some of your most burning questions about dating when you are bisexual. 

How long into a relationship should you tell the person you are dating that you are bisexual? 

There is no set timeline for when to tell someone you are dating that you are bisexual. It is important to consider your comfort level and how much you trust the person you are dating before disclosing any personal information. 

If you feel comfortable, you can tell them whenever you feel is best. It is important that you be honest and open about your sexuality so that you can have a healthy relationship built on trust. Therefore, if you see that your relationship is progressing, it is probably that time to have a conversation. 

How should you tell your date you are bisexual? 

It is important to be honest and open about your sexuality with your date, so the best way to tell your date that you are bisexual is to state it directly. Let them know that it is important to you and that you are comfortable with it. Be prepared to answer any questions they may have, and try to be patient if they don’t understand right away.

What questions might someone you are dating ask about being bisexual?

Though you can never fully predict what someone will ask about anything, the person you are dating might find themselves on the following thought train. If you are the type who likes to prepare or role-play before a conversation, consider formulating answers for the questions below. 

1. How did you come to realize you are bisexual? 

2. How long have you known you are bisexual? 

3. How does your bisexuality affect your relationships? 

4. How do you feel about monogamy and non-monogamy? 

5. What is your experience with dating people of different genders? 

6. What do you need to feel comfortable and safe in a relationship? 

7. What do you think are the most important aspects of a healthy relationship? 

8. How have you dealt with the stigma of being bisexual? 

9. What would you like me to know and understand about your bisexuality? 

10. How do you handle potential conflicts that may arise due to your bisexuality?

Some of these questions may be ones you have spent a long time thinking about already. Others, not so much. Regardless of whether these talking points are old or new to you, giving them attention can only serve to strengthen your relationship with someone else, as well as with yourself. 

What should you say if someone doesn’t want to date you because you are bisexual? 

Not everyone will be receptive to the idea you are bi-sexual and will have their reasons for feeling the way they do, regardless of if you agree with them or not. The bottom line is you can’t and, more importantly, should not have to convince someone to like you. 

With this in mind, you can offer the following responses, understanding that these statements may very well be a part of your goodbyes: 

• It’s okay if you don’t feel comfortable with my sexuality, but it’s who I am. I hope you can respect that.

• That’s unfortunate, but it’s important to respect everyone’s preferences and boundaries. It’s perfectly natural to have an attraction to more than one gender, and I hope you can keep an open mind about it in the future.

Then move forward with your life to find someone who is more compatible with you. You deserve that. 

How can you find people to date who will accept your bisexuality?

As with most else in dating, there are ways to refine your search and put yourself in the line of sight with those who share your values, interests, and lifestyle. Here are a few ideas to get you started.

1. Join a local bisexual or LGBTQIA+ group. 

Joining a community of like-minded people can be a great way to find potential dates who are accepting of your sexuality. 

2. Get involved in LGBTQIA+ events. 

Attend local events hosted by LGBTQIA+ organizations or businesses and mingle with other people who are open to dating bisexuals. 

3. Use dating apps. 

Many dating apps now have options for users to identify as bisexual or queer. This can help you find people who are open to dating someone who is bisexual. 

4. Try online dating websites. 

There are many online dating websites geared toward the LGBTQIA+ community. These websites can help you find people who are open to dating someone who is bisexual.

5. Find a dating coach/matchmaker in your search. 

Enlist the assistance of a dating coach/matchmaker who supports everyone’s individuality.

Final thoughts …

It is ultimately up to you to decide whether or not to tell someone you are dating about your sexuality and, if you do, when. First and foremost, you should always consider what you feel comfortable with and how open or private you would like to be, keeping in mind how the information could potentially impact the person you are seeing and your relationship with them — which may very well be for the better. 

Pet Peeves: Dealing with Your Partner's Annoying Habits

There’s an old expression: Love is blind. But is that actually true? And is it deaf, too? 

In romantic relationships, even the best of them, couples often encounter those, let’s just call them, odd habits of their partner that can transform a loving relationship into, well, something less than that. At least, at times.    

These idiosyncrasies, commonly referred to as pet peeves, can test the patience and resilience of even the most loving and committed couples. That said, understanding and working around your partner’s annoying habits is an absolute must to foster a healthy and lasting connection. Or at least not end up hurling your spouse’s tea cup across the kitchen as they slurp it or become the star of a true crime series.  

So, if your partner, who you love and want to stay married to, does a few things to get on your nerves and you want to learn to coexist with them better than you are now, then this article is for you. Read on.  

What are pet peeves? 

Pet peeves in the context of a romantic relationship can range from the innocuous to the utterly exasperating. Dirty socks left strewn across the bedroom, constantly tapping fingers on a table, or the oh-so-common leaving the toothpaste cap off (which can drive even the sanest person to the edge) — these seemingly trivial habits can build and become frequent sources of irritation.

Hey, let’s face it; these behaviors may not even be occurring when they’re irritating you. It may be enough to think about the times they are happening.  

As annoying as these habits can get, it’s important to recognize that your pet peeves are subjective and, therefore, are not the same for everyone. What may be a minor annoyance (or none at all) to one could be a significant source of frustration for another.  

The challenge thus lies not only in identifying which of these habits are most important to you (and annoying) but also in cultivating the patience and understanding you will need to address them without causing unnecessary conflict. A word to the wise: Tread lightly. 

Pick your battles. 

Not every annoying habit is worth confronting your partner about. Being overly critical or nitpicking can lead to a toxic dynamic.   

Before going to your partner, take time to distinguish between minor irritations that you feel you’re capable of overlooking or finding ways to live with silently and those whose continued existence genuinely affect your relationship.  

Focus on addressing the habits that significantly impact your well-being or the health of your relationship. Taking a pick-and-choose approach demonstrates to your partner that your efforts are concentrated on resolving issues that matter. 

Discuss how your partner’s behavior affects you. 

It can’t be said enough that communication is the foundation of any successful relationship, and talking about your pet peeves with your partner is no exception. Instead of harboring resentment or allowing your irritation to fester until you explode and say things you regret, talk openly and honestly to work through your issues.  

When attempting to communicate with your partner about your pet peeves involving them, be sure to create a safe space where both of you feel comfortable expressing your concerns. It’s best to approach the conversation with empathy, emphasizing that the goal isn’t to criticize but to strengthen your bond.  

Do keep in mind that once you open the door to critiquing your partner’s behavior, they may have more than a few words to say about what annoys them about you. In other words, if you can dish it out, you better be prepared to take it. 

Demonstrate active listening and empathy. 

When discussing pet peeves, be an active listener, too. Rather than formulating a rebuttal to whatever they come back to you with, take the time to understand your partner’s perspective as they explain their behavior to you.  

Recognize that your partner’s habits may be deeply ingrained and, therefore, unintentional. Your partner may likewise be unaware they’re even engaging in a particular behavior. Or, if they are aware, they may be unable to control it, such as in the case of a tic.  

Regardless of how a habit came to be, by fostering an environment of mutual understanding, you can work together to find compromises that accommodate both your and your partner’s needs. That may include finding ways to learn to live with what you cannot change. 

Find common ground.  

In love, compromise is necessary for a relationship to endure. Finding a middle ground can help when faced with a partner’s annoying habits. Compromise also demonstrates to your partner that you value the relationship enough to want to see it function better.  

To that end, explore solutions that meet your needs rather than expecting your partner to change. For instance, if their finger tapping is a source of annoyance, discuss the possibility of you putting on headphones when they’re doing it or suggest they seek a behavioral therapist to help redirect their habit to a less disruptive activity.  

Cultivate patience. 

Patience is a virtue, especially in the context of romantic relationships. Changing habits, even the so-called minor ones, will take time, effort, and, you guessed it, patience.  

First and foremost, acknowledge — to your partner and yourself — that your partner is unique with their own quirks. Remember, the same applies to you. So, celebrate your partner for who they are and all about them that you love and would never want to change. Your partner is, after all, the person you chose and who chose you back.  

As for your pet peeves, the ones you’ve decided negatively affect your enjoyment of your relationship and perhaps life and have requested your partner work on, commit to celebrating the little improvements they have made so far instead of expecting an immediate transformation. This approach not only eases the work they’re doing on themselves but can also strengthen the relationship. 

Final thoughts … 

Navigating the intricate maze of pet peeves in a romantic relationship requires a delicate balance of communication, empathy, and compromise. While annoying habits may test your patience, constructively addressing them can lead to a more profound understanding and appreciation of each other.  

Love, after all, is an evolution that encompasses both the wonderful and the challenging. By embracing your partner's imperfections and quirks, you will be better equipped to travel down a path of growth and resilience, all the while paving the way for a love that stands the test of time. Time you hopefully won’t be counting in your partner’s finger taps.   

What ‘The Golden Bachelor’ Can Teach Us About Love and Life After 60

If you haven’t been tuning into “The Golden Bachelor,” the latest installment of the well-known television series, “The Bachelor,” you’ve been missing something. And that is 22 female contestants vying for the heart of one man.  

Sound familiar? It is, except there’s a twist. He’s not bringing a woman home to meet Mom. He’s bringing her home to meet his two adult daughters.   

That’s because the man of the hour is, let’s just say, a mature man. Gerry Turner is a 72-year-old retired restaurateur and widower from Hudson, Indiana, who’s already done a whole lot of living.  

 But he’s not ready to be put out to pasture just yet. Nope. Not a chance. The hills are alive with the sound of women between the ages of 60 and 75 who could show their daughters (and granddaughters) a thing or two.  

Though “The Golden Bachelor” is scheduled to wrap on November 30, 2023, and we will all know by then who Gerry has chosen, it really doesn’t matter. Why? Because everyone who participated, everyone who put themselves out there to find love, including Gerry, is a winner. Here’s why.  

They embrace change.  

Dating after 60 comes with change: change in societal norms, technology, and personal circumstances. Embracing these changes and adapting to new ways of connecting with potential partners — online dating, matchmaking, a TV series! — is crucial to dating success today, and this 60-plus crowd has demonstrated they’re up for the challenge.  

So, for all but one of them, it won’t be Gerry. Oh well. They’ve shown it could be someone else.  

They prioritize compatibility.  

With age often comes a clearer understanding of personal values, interests, and priorities. Singles 60 and over know to focus more heavily on compatibility with potential partners to build more meaningful and lasting connections. 

This is not to say that attraction and physical compatibility aren’t important. It is including after 60. But it’s nice to be able to meet for a game of pickleball in the morning and attend an art gallery opening in the evening with someone who enjoys those pastimes, too.  

They value communication.  

Effective communication is vital in any relationship, and this is particularly true in the context of dating after 60. Open and honest communication helps couples of any age understand each other’s expectations, boundaries, and goals. The over-60 crowd is no exception. 

For this demographic, such conversations include those around sexual expectations, which can change as the years progress. Others focus on logistics, including whether marriage has to be the goal due to financial considerations, which tend to be more complicated in later years.   

They’re optimistic.  

It’s no secret that maintaining a positive outlook on dating and relationships can be empowering, this “older” group of contestants included. Past experiences may have shaped their approach to dating, but by staying optimistic about the possibilities, they enhanced their dating experience. 

Many singles dating after 60 either haven’t dated in a while or didn’t date much before meeting their former spouse or both. But the “Golden Bachelor” candidates, and so many other “golden” singles, demonstrate daily that they’re excited to experience what love the second, third, or whatever time around could look like.  

They balance independence and partnership.  

While independence is valuable, so is recognizing the importance of partnership and shared experiences. Golden singles recognize that striking a balance between independence and connection can only contribute to a healthy and fulfilling relationship. 

Many singles over 60 have lifelong friends, extended family units, careers spanning decades, and hobbies they participate in often. In other words, they have vibrant, fulfilling lives. But — and it’s a big but — they believe their lives could be even better if they could share certain parts of it with a loving and supportive partner.  

They realize they don’t have to give up those aspects of their lives they love, and if someone asks them to, that person is not the right fit for them. Compatibility is about adding, not subtracting, to life’s fullness.  

They’re open-minded.  

The dating pool is as small or as large as you make it. With so many singles over 60 from diverse backgrounds with differing life experiences, being open-minded and willing to explore connections with people who may not fit preconceived notions can lead to unexpected and enriching relationships. 

Without the pressures from family (particularly parents) and community (older people tend to care less about what others think) to fit certain expectations, many singles 60 and over are willing to get out of their comfort zone and date people they wouldn’t have considered earlier in their lifetime. Their open-mindedness expands the dating pool so they can look at dating with a glass-half-full perspective, leading them to new experiences, friends, and potentially love and companionship. 

They’re open books.  

Building a solid foundation and developing a relationship organically can contribute to its long-term success. So can taking the time to get to know someone — all facets of them.  

And that’s what this group of contestants has, even after 60, demonstrated is possible — a willingness to share intimate pieces of their lives and vulnerabilities. What makes them tick, happy, and afraid. Fortunately for Gerry, those fears had nothing to do with looking for love.  

Navigating Consent and Respect When Dating

Dating is a complex and multi-layered experience that can be exciting or challenging or both. Regardless, two fundamental principles should always guide your dating adventures. They are consent and respect.  

When working together, these two principles form the foundation of a healthy, meaningful, and fulfilling relationship. Unfortunately, the concepts are often confused and, worse still, ignored. Therefore, anyone dating must understand what these two words mean, how they differ, and, most importantly, how they relate.  

Understanding Consent 

Consent describes an explicit agreement made without coercion or pressure between all parties involved. For any healthy relationship to exist, there must be consent from everyone.  

When someone consents, they willingly, voluntarily, and enthusiastically (a newer concept describing the positive expression of consent) agree to engage in a specific activity, be it physical, emotional, or intimate. Consent can be verbal or non-verbal (such as with body language). That said, the highest form of consent is to say yes rather than not saying no. Consent can also be legal and depend on age, which may vary from place to place, and mental competency.  

Based on the above definitions, implicit in consent is communication. Open and honest discussions about boundaries and comfort zones are critical in giving and obtaining consent. The same holds for withdrawing consent, which can happen at any time. Listening skills are, therefore, of paramount importance.  

Respect in Dating 

Respect goes hand in hand with consent and is equally essential in dating. Respect refers to consideration of your partner's feelings, needs, and boundaries. Like consent, respect is a cornerstone of a healthy, meaningful relationship.

How adept partners are at demanding as well as demonstrating respect matters in a relationship. Doing both fosters trust, emotional safety, and mutual understanding between partners. Noticeable signs of respect include active, engaged listening, valuing your partner’s opinions, and showing empathy. 

There are also obvious signs of disrespect, including manipulation, disregard for boundaries, and verbal abuse. Less obvious signs of disrespect include talking over someone, walking ahead of them, and gaslighting. These signs can be more difficult to detect but, when taken together, tell a much different story about the quality of a relationship.  

The Intersection of Consent and Respect in Dating 

To have a healthy, fulfilling relationship, consent and respect are each necessary. When both are present, there generally exists an environment characterized by trust and mutual understanding.  

As mentioned earlier, both consent and respect in dating are premised on open and honest communication between partners. Respect demands actively listening to your partner, valuing their opinions, and considering their feelings and boundaries in decision-making. Conversely, consent relies on clear and ongoing communication about desires, boundaries, and comfort levels. Together, each indicates relationship partners are on the same page regarding what’s acceptable and what’s not. 

In other words, a safe and trusting environment is necessary for the intersection of consent and respect to flourish. Respect is about creating a space where your partner feels secure, valued, and free to express their boundaries without fear of blowback. An environment of trust encourages the open expression of consent and the establishment of mutually agreed-upon boundaries. 

Personal boundaries are central to the intersection of consent and respect. Respect involves acknowledging and valuing your partner’s comfort zones and limits and refraining from any actions that go against their wishes. Consent involves discussing and negotiating these boundaries so both individuals feel comfortable with the activities and intimacy levels within the relationship.  

Based on this interplay, intrinsic to consent and respect is the capacity to respond appropriately to your partner’s needs, boundaries, and preferences at every juncture. Your responsiveness demonstrates a genuine commitment to respecting your partner’s autonomy and choices, contributing to a healthy dating relationship, one you and your partner can both enjoy. 

Final thoughts … 

Consent and respect are not mere buzzwords but principles that should guide you in your dating life. Obtaining consent and demonstrating respect are ongoing acts, not one-time events. In the context of dating especially, this means that these principles should be continuously practiced and revisited.  

As your relationship evolves, so may the boundaries and preferences of you and your partner. Therefore, frequent conversations about consent and respect can help keep your relationship grounded in these principles. The result should be a relationship characterized by trust, emotional safety, and mutual understanding. All of which are precursors to relationship success.   

Engagement Ring Etiquette for Second Marriages and Beyond

The significance and etiquette surrounding engagement rings has slowly evolved. Traditionally, engagement rings symbolized a promise of commitment between two individuals planning to marry. For many, this still rings true (no pun intended). However, there are also those who choose to get engaged solely as a show of commitment without ever intending to marry.

Along with the evolution in societal norms and relationship dynamics, engagement ring etiquette has changed as well. In today’s world, where second, third, fourth, or subsequent marriages have become common, the etiquette around engagement rings has become more flexible and, as a result, varied. These days, engagement ring etiquette takes into account differing perspectives on love, commitment, and relationships.  

So, if you’re thinking of getting engaged and wonder what’s “right” as far as significance and etiquette go, you may be in for a few surprises. Here’s what you should know.  

Honoring Your Journey 

Given how second, third, or fourth marriages are not unusual, the traditional notion of engagement ring etiquette may not always apply. Therefore, when entering a marriage after your first, it’s helpful to recognize and honor the journey you share with your new partner. This notion should apply whether you’re the giver of the engagement ring or the receiver.  

Many couples in marriages that come after their first choose to forgo the traditional engagement ring altogether. For example, if you're embarking on a new marriage, you might decide on a different type of jewelry, like a necklace, bracelet, or earrings. Or you could celebrate your love with a joint tattoo representing your bond, such as the date you met. Or you and your partner could choose to commemorate your engagement with a long-awaited trip.  

Whatever you decide, the important thing is to consider your unique circumstances and discuss with your partner how you envision representing your love and commitment to each other. By prioritizing your journey, you can create an engagement tradition that feels true to your relationship, values, and the life you want to build. 

Transparency and Communication 

Transparency and communication are major aspects of engagement ring etiquette for subsequent marriages. If you and your partner decide that an engagement ring is still the right choice, it can be beneficial in selecting one to have an open and honest discussion about your expectations. Depending on how well you handle your exchanges, the process of choosing the ring can become a memorable bonding experience for you and your partner. 

For starters, your discussion should include the budget for the ring. While financial matters can be hard to discuss, setting clear boundaries and expectations is critical to avoid misunderstandings and disappointment.   

Conversely, in many second marriages or those that follow, individuals are more financially established and, therefore, are often better positioned to contribute money toward purchasing the engagement ring. Instead of adhering to traditional guidelines, some couples choose to pool their resources.  

Other considerations worth discussing include the style of the ring, where the ring will be purchased, and what material the ring will be made from. Depending on how detailed you and your partner want to get before the purchase, your conversations can likewise involve the four Cs and which of them you want to prioritize in your decision-making if you choose a diamond.  

Creativity in Ring Selection 

Engagement ring etiquette for subsequent marriages invites creativity, meaning you are always free to pick a ring with special significance for you and your partner. To that end, consider vintage rings, family heirlooms, or custom-designed pieces to reflect your individual or shared tastes. But regardless, the ring should celebrate your union by telling your shared story. 

A more recent trend for couples in subsequent marriages, in addition to those embarking on first marriages, is to opt for rings with alternative gemstones. Utilizing stones other than diamonds is yet another way to infuse personality into your ring while adding personal significance, such as with a birthstone. Ultimately, your engagement ring should be reflective of you and your romance. 

Social Expectations 

While the significance of the engagement ring may vary from couple to couple, it’s still widely recognized as a symbol of commitment. That means not everyone will be as gung ho about your choice to deviate from tradition if you decide to.  

Depending on how important popular opinion is to you, including the opinions of friends and family, you might want to consider social expectations when choosing an engagement ring. But be sure to do so while still maintaining your authenticity. After all, it’s your ring, your relationship, and, after the wedding, your marriage. Better to set your boundaries early.  

Final thoughts … 

Engagement ring etiquette for second marriages and beyond has come a long way and can still go further. At the end of the day, though, what matters most is not the engagement ring itself but what it represents. And that is honesty, trust, and love. In other words, everything that can make you sparkle far more than any ring ever could.  

The Power of Body Language: Nonverbal Communication in Dating

Nonverbal communication is an important part of dating. While words are crucial, body language also plays a significant role in conveying emotions and intentions. Though a dating prospect or relationship partner can say all the right things, if they’re communicating something different through nonverbal cues, the message will still come across loud and clear.  

It can work the other way, too. Someone can flub their words, yet their body language tells a whole other story. The question is, are you paying attention and listening to your gut? It may just be nonverbal communication providing you with all the information you need about the person you’re with and your prospect of a future with them.    

The Silent Language of Attraction 

Much of why we’re attracted to someone comes from nonverbal cues. Common nonverbal cues indicating interest include eye contact, subtle touching, and proximity, such as how close someone sits or stands near you or leans into you while you’re conversing together. Of course, too much of a good thing doesn’t bode well for attraction either. Your date is also not the only one in the hot seat. 

It’s important when dating to pay attention to not only the nonverbal cues of the person you’re with but also you’re own. Though you may not realize it, the slightest gesture you make can send a signal you don’t intend to send. So, if you like your date, let them know through your facial expressions and body anguage. Smile, don’t cross your arms, and look at them while you — and they — are speaking.   

Signs of Disinterest and Red Flags 

Though disinterest and red flags aren’t the same thing, they both can be rooted in nonverbal communication. Based on body language, it’s possible to discern that the person you’re with isn’t interested in you, at least romantically. For example, they avoid making eye contact, have a closed-off posture, and make defensive gestures, such as brushing your hand away.  

Depending on the degree to which someone exhibits body language that in ordinary situations would be considered appropriate, it could be cause for concern. Though eye contact is generally considered a sign of interest, too much of it, including staring, can make your hair stand on end. This is one of those times to listen to your gut. If you’re feeling uncomfortable, you’re probably not wrong. At which point, you should safely disassociate with this person as soon as possible.      

Nonverbal Communication in Online Dating 

Face-to-face communications aren’t the only times when nonverbal communication plays a role. The nonverbal cues you display online matter, too, from your online dating profile pics to those images you message through dating apps or by text. The same holds for video chatting.  

Whatever the medium, your body language should convey your ability to be open, friendly, and kind. If something about a dating prospect’s images gives you the heebie-jeebies, or their appearance over vide chat, take those feelings to heart and move on swiftly.  

When using digital platforms to communicate, apply the same rules you would for communicating in person to convey interest, aside from physically touching the other person, obviously. And remember to be empathetic should you decide to move on due to someone else’s nonverbal cues not being appealing to you in one way or another. Everyone’s built differently, and some individuals may simply have difficulty expressing themselves, which is why it’s important to be respectful.  

Improving Your Nonverbal Communication 

If you believe you’re one of those people who just can’t seem to get it right in social settings, feel awkward or self-conscious, or are shy, understand that practice can help, and there are professionals to support you, such as a relationship coach. A relationship coach can give you pointers as well as set up mock dates with you to critique your nonverbal cues and help you adjust certain mannerisms you may not be aware of.  

After that, you can practice with friends until you feel comfortable enough to try your new skill set out on a real-life date. Though it may be uncomfortable to hear this kind of criticism, it’s important to be self-aware. This is the best way to improve your dating skills.  

Final thoughts … 

There’s much that goes into attraction. The combination of verbal and nonverbal cues dictating your attraction and attractiveness will thus vary by person and relationship. Therefore, not only will dating more often help you build your verbal and nonverbal communication skills, but you will likewise have a better chance at finding someone you mesh well with in both ways. And begin speaking a love language you and your partner can both understand.    

Dating After the Death of a Spouse

The journey from loss due to the death of a spouse to new love is not a linear one. Whether you are young or old(er), no two people’s paths to love will be the same, nor will two loves. 

If you’re ready to date following your spouse’s death or are already dating, it doesn’t mean you love your spouse any less or don’t miss them. It also doesn’t mean you won’t forever grieve your spouse’s absence or have days when you feel sad. What it does mean is that you’ve made the very personal decision to honor your spouse’s life by continuing to live yours. 

That said, dating after the death of your spouse won’t come without its challenges. Here’s what you should know.   

Grieving and Healing 

Following the loss of a spouse, it can feel impossible to know where you begin and your grief ends. Though it is said grieving is a process with five distinct stages of grief, it’s not something you graduate from but, instead, learn to live with and manage. Therefore, everyone’s readiness — whether to go to lunch with friends, attend a support group, travel, begin to date (more about this below), or do anything else that might appear small but feel like you’re moving mountains — will vary. That’s because we’re all changed by loss.    

As a person who’s experienced the loss of a spouse, not only will it be important to give yourself time to grieve, but it will also be important to rediscover who you are post-loss. There are many ways to do this: introspection, therapy, time, and experimentation. What you valued before the loss of your spouse may very well differ now. The same can be said about how you spend your time. You’re in the driver’s seat, and no one can tell you what feels right. This includes your readiness for dating. 

Timing and Readiness for Dating 

Dating after a loss is a big adjustment. Not only because you miss your partner and may have a tendency, at least early on, to measure everyone you meet against your late spouse, but also because, depending on how long you were married, you may not have dated for a while. 

Aside from a lack of familiarity with modern dating, you may also experience guilt about dating someone new, even if your spouse gave you their blessing during their lifetime. This is natural. When it comes to dating after the loss of a spouse, there’s no right or wrong way to feel, and emotions can run the gamut. Not to mention, well-meaning people, and perhaps those not so well-meaning, may think it their place to weigh in on when to date and whom. 

Successfully dating after a loss will, in many ways, be a function of how adept you are, or become, at overcoming any guilt you may have about seeing someone romantically other than your spouse and managing society’s expectations of what you should or shouldn’t be doing. Again, your best bet is to do what feels right to you. Remember, it’s your life; only you know how you feel.  

Navigating Online Dating as a Widow or Widower

Now, if you haven’t been “out there” for some time, the dating landscape has likely changed for you. Dating sites and apps may seem foreign. But, the good news is, they’re generally easy to maneuver once you get the hang of it. There are also professionals like myself who can guide you, including helping you to write a compelling online dating profile. 

Creating an online dating profile that communicates to potential matches your best qualities does take some effort, and the more you put in, typically, the better you’ll do online. And by better, the thought is not just the number of matches you get but the quality of them. 

For the best results, work on writing an online dating profile that’s both information-rich and interesting to read. In other words, it should embrace your uniqueness through details and story-telling. Especially as someone who’s lost a spouse, it’s valuable to be genuine about your experience. For example, if you were happily married, communicate in your profile that you were but are now looking for someone to share your next chapter with. 

Remember, you may not find that person right away, as online dating is very much a numbers game, one that’s played far better when you engage regularly with the dating site you’re on. So manage your expectations, understanding that finding love, like navigating grief, is very much a process filled with ups and downs. Be open, but set your boundaries, guarding your heart and every other part of you. 

Meeting New People 

It’s very common to have first-date jitters, especially when starting to date after having lost a spouse. You may worry about a multitude of details, most notably what to expect and what to talk about. You may also be inclined to talk about your late spouse, which is fine if you’re comfortable with it, but don’t feel compelled to share personal details if you’re not. It’s generally best to stick with get-to-know-you-type questions for the first few dates because most dates don’t transition into relationships. 

If someone is pressing you for personal details about anything, including your late spouse, recognize at a very basic level you’re incompatible and that this type of behavior is a red flag you shouldn’t ignore. You don’t owe anyone anything, including conversation, and are free to move on as you choose.

Building Healthy Relationships Following the Death of Your Spouse 

When you find someone you like and both express interest in exploring a relationship together, do so at a pace that’s comfortable for you and the person you’re dating. Healthy relationships are about mutual respect and honoring each other, including the memories and experiences you each had before meeting.   

There are likewise issues unique to those dating after the death of a spouse, and welcoming each other and your families into your lives can be a delicate matter. But with care, it can be done, and there can be new beginnings while still honoring the past and bringing elements of that past into the future. 

Final Thoughts …

Embracing love after loss is a choice, a choice you don’t have to make, but one, when you’re ready, can enhance your life. No one can ever replace the person and love you lost, but through new love, you can find hope, strength, and happiness again. 

Should Couples Live Together Before Marriage?

Back in the day, meaning if you’re middle-aged (or older) your parent’s day, living with your partner before marriage was pretty rare. Nowadays, however, what’s rarer is you being part of a couple not living with your partner before tying the knot.  

According to 2019 research from Pew, 59 percent of adults between 18 and 44 have experienced cohabitation with an unmarried partner at some stage in their lives, while 50 percent have entered into matrimony. In contrast, in 2002, 54 percent of adults within this age range had experienced cohabitation at some point, while 60 percent had tied the knot. 

Most adults aged 18 to 44 who have engaged in cohabitation (62 percent) have shared their lives with just a single partner, while 38 percent have had the experience of living with two or more partners throughout their lives. So, depending on who you talk to, you’ll likely get differing opinions on the subject, with those individuals pointing out the good, the bad, and the ugly that can come from living with your partner before marriage. But what exactly is that?  

The Benefits of Living Together Before Marriage 

One of the most noteworthy benefits of living together before marriage is that you get to do a trial run of whether you and your partner, including your lifestyles, are compatible. By living together in the same house, sleeping in the same bedroom, eating in the same kitchen, and sharing the same bathroom, you’ll get a birds-eye view of what the rest of your life (till death do you part) might look like. 

Does your partner snore? Do they leave dishes in the sink? Is their laundry piling up? Do they collect drinking glasses on the coffee table? Even more than that, how adept are you and they at letting each other know what quirks and habits annoy you and coming up with a workable solution so you can co-exist in peace?  

Another significant benefit of living together is the opportunity to see if gender equality lives in your home, meaning are you and your partner sharing chores and other household responsibilities equitably? And again, are you and your partner open enough with each other to discuss and work toward the resolution of the conflicts you have in this area?

Living together also has its financial benefits. Couples who cohabitate can share household expenses. They can also see firsthand how well their partner handles money, including whether their partner can create a budget and stick to it. Couples can also learn a lot about their partner’s values around money.

Finally, couples who live together can see how ready their partner is for this step since it’s become a reality rather than something to aspire to. So, now that you’re in it, ask yourself: Is your partner emotionally ready for this step? Are they prepared to work through adult issues as they arise and to express vulnerability? Are you? Living under the same roof sets the stage for more intimate moments, and you want to make sure you’re both ready emotionally to deepen your relationship.

The Drawbacks of Living Together Before Marriage 

Living with a partner before marriage is not without its drawbacks. Remember that old saying, “No one’s going to buy the cow if they can get the milk for free”? What it speaks to is the potential that exists for complacency; if someone is getting what they want from you (i.e., sex, intimacy, financial benefits, etc.) without having to give much to you, most importantly the level of commitment you’re looking for, they might take the relationship for granted. 

By you or your partner getting most of the perks of marriage without being married, it could lessen the significance the institution holds. If you’re looking forward to having that fairy tale wedding you always dreamed of, living together beforehand might not be the best way to get it.

On another note, not everyone has the same values about living together before marriage. Depending on where you live and your social circles, living together before marriage could put you in the hot seat with family members, friends, and even the community in which you live. Are you and your partner prepared to face that? Such judgments could stem from cultural and religious beliefs, so if you care about what others think and say, consider your environment in your decision-making.

Factors to Consider When Deciding Whether to Live With Your Partner Before Marriage

The choice to live with a partner before marriage is not one to make lightly. There are (or should be) many factors that you should consider before making this leap. 

How will living with your partner align with your values and beliefs? To find out many people living together and contemplating marriage attend premarital counseling with clergy. There also exist secular classes devoted to premarital planning. 

Another critical question to ask is whether living together would be in furtherance of your long-term relationship goals. Or do your reasons for taking this step lie elsewhere, such as to share financial responsibilities? Before taking this next step and moving in together, communicate your expectations and concerns and listen to the same from your partner. 

Finally, there could be legal and financial implications for living together depending on where you reside. Therefore, speaking with an attorney and financial advisor who can advise you about your situation is crucial.

Final Thoughts …

The question of whether you should live with your partner before marriage is a personal one. Though you can seek advice from various sources, ultimately, there’s no one-size-fits-all answer. 

However, after ample consideration and discussion with your partner, you can move forward feeling better that the decision you’re making is the right one for you at this time. But if it turns out that it isn’t, you and your partner can always go your separate ways, at least with the comfort of knowing that you didn’t waste a lot of money — and calories — on wedding cake.

Interfaith Marriage: What to Consider Before Committing

An interfaith marriage describes two people from different religions who have come together in matrimony. According to research from Pew in 2015, about four out of 10 Americans who married since 2010, or 39 percent, have a spouse belonging to a religion other than their own. This is in contrast to those who wed before 1960, where only 19 reported being part of an interfaith marriage. Though interfaith marriage has become more common, is it or interfaith relationship right for you? Here are a few issues to consider as part of your decision-making.

Benefits of Interfaith Relationships

Embarking on an interfaith marriage or relationship can go a long way toward strengthening religious and cultural understanding. The idea is that the more we learn about each other as a society, the fewer barriers we’ll have between us. 

In place of barriers can come flexibility, open-mindedness, and tolerance. And, of course, more opportunities to celebrate them — on holidays and at other milestone events.

Challenges Faced by Interfaith Couples

No marriage or relationship, including an interfaith one, is without its challenges. Differing beliefs and religious practices, such as dietary restrictions, observance of holidays, and other faith-based rituals, can become the source of conflict due to unfamiliarity or agreement on specific practices. On a deeper level, there can be differences in values and beliefs. 

The decision to raise children in an interfaith relationship or marriage can raise further causes and concerns, beginning with what religion, if any, the child will follow as part of their upbringing. Though a couple can each honor their partner’s religion, it doesn’t have to mean they’ll adopt their partner’s beliefs instead of their own. However, parents might have difficulty agreeing which religion their child will practice and which celebrations, rites of passage, and ceremonies they’ll participate in.  

But suppose a particular set of parents does agree and lays out a plan for themselves and their children. It still doesn’t have to mean that the couple’s families will honor and respect their relligious choices, not to mention other members of their community, even society. Though your life is your own, navigating judgments from outsiders and societal pressures can take its toll.

One solution for interfaith couples facing opposition from their inner circle is to embrace inclusivity, especially during religious ceremonies such as marriage. Deciding in advance on which aspects of each religion will be involved in a particular ceremony and perhaps involving a religious leader from each partner’s faith can go a long way toward making everyone feel welcome and honored.   

Before Making a Decision to Enter an Interfaith Marriage (or Relationship)

Entering an interfaith marriage or relationship isn’t a decision to take lightly. Before doing so, you should evaluate your ability and level of comfort communicating with your partner and theirs with you. Given the challenges of an interfaith marriage or relationship, your problem-solving skills, which are founded on healthy communication practices, could be tested. So, no matter how much faith you have, being prepared can’t hurt. 

If you feel your and or your partner’s communication skills are limited, take steps to rectify this as soon as you can with a counselor, together and individually. In your sessions, discuss your values around religion, religious beliefs, and practices and how you plan to honor them. Once you do, set specific boundaries with your partner and communicate your expectations to them around these issues. Be sure to listen to your partner’s concerns as well.    

To further help with your objectives, consider enrolling in educational programs as a couple and on your own, in addition to counseling, that can facilitate your interactions further. The classes you enroll in, including workshops and seminars, and the counselors you work with should all focus on interfaith marriages and relationships specifically as interfaith marriages and relationships come with their own unique issues.

Discuss with your partner privately your vision for the near future as well as what you both expect from your relationship down the road. Do the same as you’re seeking professional guidance to gather more objective opinions. Pinpoint existing and potential challenges and discuss how you might resolve them. Have a unified vision for what a future together could look like, including how children (if a consideration) will factor into that future.  

Finally, begin engaging with your respective religious communities as a couple, making sure you find groups that are welcoming to you and your partner and respectful of your relationship. Once you find a place of comfort, solidify your position by building a support system for yourselves as individuals and as a couple within those communities.

Final thoughts …

In any relationship where two people come together as one, differences should be expected and considered the norm. In an interfaith marriage or relationship, that difference just happens to be religion. 

Religion can be a significant difference between partners. However, by demonstrating understanding, mutual respect, and a readiness to compromise, both you and your partner can transform this difference into a strong foundation for your shared life. A life you can both place your faith in.

What Is the Ideal Age Difference for Predicting Relationship Success?

A common question among singles in search of a romantic partner is what age difference is the best predictor of relationship success. According to a 2019 study from the University of Bath, the most common age difference between partners spans only two to three years. Another study published in the National Library of Medicine in 2017 found that marital dissatisfaction increases as age gaps do. But does that mean you should rule out a partner who’s more than two or three years older or younger than you? 

Well, that depends on what you’re looking for in and from a relationship partner and how age could potentially affect a partner’s ability or desire to be the partner you hope they’ll be. Here’s what you should be considering.

Desire to Start a Family

When deciding whether you want to date someone older or younger than you by more than a few years, it’s important to consider what intentions you both have about starting a family or adding to your existing one. Though the decision to become a parent for the first time or thereafter turns on more than age alone, it can be a significant contributing factor to relationship success and one you should consider and discuss with a potential partner early on in your interactions. 

Public Opinion

Just open any tabloid or peruse the internet, and you can be sure to see a commentary on some celebrity’s choice to date someone their junior or senior. Take Cher, for example. She has come under a lot of scrutiny over the years for her dating choices, which typically tend to veer on the young side — by decades. So, too, has Leonardo DiCaprio’s choices and those of couples like Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher. 

Though you may not be a celebrity who’s in the public eye, there could still be those who see fit to comment on your life choices. Are you up for enduring that?

Financial Stability

Though it’s not a given, with age often comes financial stability. When you’re older, you’ve typically had a chance to establish yourself in your career as opposed to someone who’s young and just starting out. So, if finances are part of the criteria you’re using to make relationship choices, you should evaluate whether a younger partner will satisfy your expectations regarding financial stability. 

Imbalance of Power

Speaking of finances, with money often comes power and the ability to control decision-making in a relationship. Age itself can also be the source of power imbalances in a relationship. Though this doesn’t have to be the case, it’s an issue worth considering as it pertains to your specific choice in a partner. 

Maturity

With age often comes maturity (hopefully). Maturity can mean many different things to many different people, including an understanding of priorities, perspective, and life experience. For some, it can also mean behaving like an old fogy. Though adults of all ages can be mature, maturity can and often is a function of age. Ask what maturity means to you, and go at your own risk.

Common Interests

Dating someone older or younger could mean you both have varying interests, interests that might not be appealing to each other. Having common interests is not solely the determining factor for making a relationship successful, but it can be a place for common ground.

You obviously don’t need to and shouldn’t expect to spend every waking moment of every day with your partner, but it’s nice to have some common interests that will bring you together on a regular basis, such as going to the movies, cooking, or traveling. There needs to be something that draws you together besides attraction. 

Aligned Goals

More important than common interests are aligned goals. Aligned goals are the tie that binds in relationships. Do you both want to live in the same area? Retire around the same time? Become parents? These and other pertinent questions are the ones you need to ask and answer when considering a relationship where there’s a significant age gap. 

Similar Values

People in various age groups can have different values. Think about your parents. Though they might have raised you according to their value system, your life experience has likely given you cause to develop your own. Does the person you’re considering dating share your values? 

Granted, having different values from someone could have nothing to do with age. But the larger the age gap, the more likely you are to display these differences. 

What Growing Old Together Might Look Like

As physically and mentally fit as you might be now, age eventually catches up with all of us. You and your partner might today have similar energy levels, sex drives, and mental capacities, but will that continue, and for how long? 

Though anyone can get sick (and die) at any time, when you’re dating someone much older, the “in sickness” part of “in sickness and in health” can come sooner rather than later. Are you prepared for that?

Final thoughts …

No one can predict relationship success with absolute certainty. However, the above issues can present challenges to relationships with partners who have more than the ideal zero to three years between them. 

Thinking through your decisions won’t keep you from running into issues now or years in the future. But what it can do is give you enough clarity to make a decision one way or the other. Our hearts are worth protecting, and every relationship is a risk. But without risk, there can be no reward. 

Should You Date Someone Who’s Unemployed?

With unemployment rates on the rise, chances are that if you’re single, you’ll come across a dating prospect who’s unemployed and question whether you should date this person. Given how our livelihoods can affect our emotions, self-esteem, and anxiety levels, not to mention our bottom lines, it’s not a stretch to say that a person’s employment status can influence a relationship and its potential.   

That said, the analysis doesn’t have to be so cut and dry when deciding whether it’s worth pursuing a relationship with someone who’s unemployed. In other words, you don’t necessarily have to dismiss this person as undateable because they’re currently out of a job.  

However, you should assess whether this person is worth your time and efforts as they present themselves to you today — unemployed and otherwise. Here are some issues to think about as you formulate your decision.   

Understanding Unemployment 

According to the Bureau of Labor and Statistics, unemployment refers, quite simply, to someone who doesn’t have a job. People with jobs are employed. The labor force is made up of people who are both employed and unemployed. Those who are neither aren’t counted as part of the labor force. Additionally, there’s both temporary unemployment and chronic unemployment, where a person, for whatever reason, demonstrates an inability to hold down a job or secure long(er)-term, more stable forms of employment.   

There are many reasons why someone might be unemployed, which could affect your decision to date them. Those reasons include layoffs, economic conditions such as a recession or depression, automation, AI, outsourcing to foreign countries, and personal choice. The reasons why someone’s unemployed might also impact their attitude. Not only about their unemployment but also about their dateability and if they believe they’re in the right place now to be a good partner.    

Pros of Dating Someone Unemployed 

Though not usually opportune, there can be a few silver linings to starting your relationship with someone who’s unemployed. For starters, they might be more available than they ordinarily would be if they were employed and can be more flexible with their time.  

Given their current situation, this person might also be better able to display empathy toward you should you find yourself in a similar situation one day. Unemployment can be a humbling experience.  

Given the economic challenges that can come with unemployment, including tightening the belt, it could become the inspiration for focusing on those non-material aspects of your relationship. It could also translate to finding more creative, albeit less expensive, ideas for dates.  

Thinking longer term, someone more permanently unemployed might find a caregiving role at home with children more appealing. Such an arrangement, when coordinated by two partners who respect one another and commit to honoring gender equality in the household, can be especially helpful where one partner has a demanding career outside the home.  

Cons of Dating Someone Unemployed 

On the flip side, dating someone who’s unemployed could translate to financial instability, which could, in turn, strain a new relationship. Where there’s an economic imbalance, it could mean that one partner would have to shoulder more of the financial responsibility in the relationship, in which case you would need that person’s buy-in (no pun intended). If the employed partner isn’t willing to shoulder those financial responsibilities, it could limit a couple’s activities, negatively impacting their lifestyle when together.  

The psychological effects can likewise be potentially problematic for those who haven’t chosen to be unemployed. For example, temporary or chronic unemployment can bring about stress, anxiety, and depression, each of which can impact a relationship. Unemployment and its effects can happen at any stage of a relationship, but when a relationship is just beginning, there’s less incentive to ride it out. 

Other Considerations When Contemplating Dating Someone Who’s Unemployed 

There’s an adage in dating: Don’t bank on potential. When dating someone who’s unemployed, you’re essentially doing that, at least where earning potential’s involved. It’s, therefore, best to assess whether this person is actively seeking employment (if that’s their goal), has other plans for spending their time while unemployed, and has long-term ambitions. 

It could be that an individual sees unemployment as an opportunity to explore their creative side and engage in personal development. Due to their track record of working and saving, their finances might afford them those opportunities. This time could very well be something they’ve worked hard to achieve.  

Regardless of what your potential partner wants, it’s your life; therefore, what you want matters more when deciding to date them. If, based on your personal values or socio-economic background, you don’t feel you can be supportive of such a hiatus from gainful employment, then by all means, don’t. But don’t date this person either. Guaranteed, they’ll find someone who will be supportive, and they deserve that, too.  

Tips for Dating Someone Who’s Unemployed 

If you decide to move forward with someone who’s unemployed, it will require your best efforts to apply healthy relational skills to your interactions. So get ready to be open and expect the same from the other person. Discuss finances, plans for the future, and how the two affect each other. 

Be there for each other. Make sure you’re prepared to be supportive, aren’t afraid to be honest, and are comfortable encouraging the person you’re dating to pursue their goals. But do set boundaries for yourself and them; you’re a relationship partner, not a business partner or a coach. There are people for that, and though you can touch on these topics, they shouldn’t form the foundation for why you’re together. That foundation should be mutual like and, if all goes well, love, respect, friendship, and companionship.  

Final thoughts … 

Though dating someone who’s unemployed might not be what you had envisioned, a relationship need not be off the table. However, before embarking on one, you have to decide if the reasons for your potential partner’s unemployment bode well for your future as a couple. If you decide they do, by focusing on communication, understanding, and empathy, as you would in any relationship you value and want to endure, you can more proactively work toward building a future you envision — together.