If you’re new to online dating or getting back into it after a break, you’ve probably already read about what information you should include in your online dating profile and the kind of pictures you should take. This information is important, but it can only carry you so far.
As many people sit down and begin writing their online dating profile, they suddenly find themselves stuck. Why? Although they know the ingredients of a successful online dating profile, when they actually put pen to paper or fingers to keyboard, they aren’t sure about a few not-so-obvious details, all of which have to do with one burning question: How specific should I be in my online dating profile?
It’s a complicated question because, on the one hand, you’ve been told to be specific about your likes, dislikes, and family situation (i.e., whether you have children), but on the other hand, have been told not to reveal too much (i.e., your financial situation or temporary joblessness). This is the confusion that causes people wanting to use online dating to say, much like Scarlett O’Hara did in “Gone With the Wind,” “I’ll think about that tomorrow.” It can be fine advice, especially if you have Rhett Butler in the wings lusting after you. But the reality is most people don’t, which is why you shouldn’t give up on writing your online dating profile.
If you’re finding yourself stuck, even though you know what goes into a great online dating profile, it’s probably because you haven’t yet considered a few elements that, once you focus on them, can make the process of writing your online dating profile easier. These are the elements that take the question from “How specific should I be in my online dating profile? to the question, “How should I communicate specifics in my online dating profile without revealing too much?” Beyond personal details, here’s what you need to focus on when writing your online dating profile.
Your story arc.
Everyone has a story about how they got to where they are in life. The older you are, the more detailed and nuanced that story will be. Now for the tricky part: You want to take that story and pick and choose the highlights to create a picture of who you are today.
To do this effectively, write a list of the milestones in your life that got you to where you are right now. Was it growing up on a farm before moving to the city for your career? Was it getting married the first time and having four children whom you raised to become successful and contributing members of society? Was it deciding not to become a parent and instead devote your life to philanthropic endeavors? Whatever the major points are, once you see them in front of you, a picture will begin to emerge.
Your “personal” details.
Underneath your bullet points for your story arc, add interesting details about your life from these periods. For example, if you played on the women’s basketball team during college, add a few words about that. If, while building your company, you got to live in South America, add that, too. If, at present, you love cooking vegan recipes at home, add another sentence or two.
The point is that it can be helpful to have pertinent details in front of you as you begin to write, even though everything is all up in your head. Organization, especially in writing, can make a huge difference in the final product.
Your outline.
Once you’ve created your outline, review it to see if there’s anything in it you wouldn’t want to share with your readers. If you wrote about how you were married to a narcissist who put you through the wringer in your divorce, consider whittling that down to a less personal statement, leaving the rest for revealing later when you’re in a relationship and are sharing more intimate details about yourselves.
Whatever you write, it should be reflective of you, your life, and most importantly, what you’re comfortable revealing about yourself and your life. If it isn’t, delete it.
Your dating profile is a jumping-off point for people you meet to learn more about you. Therefore, you don’t want to turn anyone off who won’t “get you” because they don’t know you, and you don’t want to act offended if someone you meet asks you a question because you communicated a detail that made them think their question was fair game.
Of course, this scenario can still occur, and you always have the option to say, “I’m not comfortable discussing that.” But when you write your online dating profile considering these possibilities, you make awkward moments less likely.
Your tone.
Now that you’ve eliminated the points a reader could perceive as negative, you want to begin writing the draft for your online dating profile. As you do this, be mindful of your tone. You want to sound upbeat and positive, not only about yourself but also the people you’re looking to meet. However, you don’t want to sound so positive that you sound unauthentic. Readers will be reading between the lines.
Your word choice.
Related to tone, keep in mind that people from all walks of life and backgrounds will be reading your online dating profile. The language you use and your word choice will automatically attract certain people while weeding others out.
This is fine as long as you’re conscious of how your word choice affects the overall perception of your message. Sometimes it’s not what you say but how you say it that resonates most.
Final thoughts …
Writing an online dating is a daunting process for many. But it doesn’t have to be if you prepare for it. Going through the process described above can make writing not only a more manageable task but a fun one, too.
Remember, you are unique and have a lot to offer. So take the time to communicate that effectively and with confidence, letting that potential special someone know you’re here, searching for them as they’re searching for you.