You don’t like sports, but your partner, you’re starting to think, is obsessed. You really want to make your relationship work, but you’re having trouble getting on board with the constant games and their interference in your life. You find sports meaningless and boring. You feel a little silly for making sports such a point of contention in your relationship, but you can’t help how you feel.
Good news. As someone who has counseled couples for more than 30 years, I’m here to tell you that you shouldn’t feel bad. This is a problem that couples everywhere have been facing for years.
While some hobbies can be time-intensive, sports have the bonus factor of having games played at regularly scheduled times, often in the evenings during dinner and on weekends, afternoon and night. When your partner works during the week and devotes much of their weekends to watching sporting events, it may feel frustrating after a while because it appears as if they don’t have or aren’t interested in making time for you.
Not to mention, it’s making it crazy difficult to plan fun things to do with your partner over the weekends, such as day trips, work around the house, or longer excursions if your partner is simply choosing to be glued to the TV right in the middle of the day. That said, there’s hope. You and your partner should still be able to make things work. With a little effort, of course, some flexibility, and a willingness to compromise. Since you can’t control anyone else’s behavior, here are a few tips for how you can improve the situation.
Get your head in the game.
Getting your head in the game means not only tolerating your partner’s love for sports but trying to get into the sport(s) they love more than you are now. You can’t change your partner, and attempting to do so will only drive a wedge between you. Asking your partner to no longer engage in a hobby that they are deeply passionate about is akin to asking your partner to give up an important part of themselves. And belittling them for loving what they love could be deeply upsetting for them, so avoid saying things like, “Sports are stupid.”
Instead, embrace the reality that being a sports fan is part of who your partner is. Just as you have your hobbies, they have theirs. As a healthy partner yourself, the best thing you can do is find ways to be supportive, even of their love of sports. That may mean offering a degree of flexibility to your partner, as there will always be certain games they will want to watch in real-time. For example, a football fan will almost certainly want to watch the Super Bowl live. More broadly than that, and on a more regular basis, your partner may want to watch their favorite team play, which means they will not be available to spend time with you at those times — at least not away from those events. Hear me out.
To show support for your partner and get involved at a level comfortable for you, despite not loving the game itself, you could host weekly viewing parties or barbecues during the sports season, go to your partner’s favorite sports game in-person occasionally as a fun date (everyone still needs their alone time with friends), or to a restaurant/bar that has the game on TV, and even occasionally wear your partner’s favorite sports jersey, even if just around the house, to show support for their team. Your partner may actually find that sexy, depending on how you play it off.
Open up the floor for a discussion about the role sports play in your relationship.
While many sports fans enjoy long, happy relationships with non-sports fans, sports can spell trouble for your relationship if your partner consistently chooses to watch the game over spending time with you. The thing is, your sports fan may not realize how their behavior is affecting you. After all, they’re busy watching sports. Which is why it’s up to you to let them know. In a nice way, naturally.
Open communication is the key to any healthy relationship. Without it, you risk resorting to unhealthy coping mechanisms, like passive-aggressive behavior, which can negatively affect a relationship over time. If you love your partner, you most certainly don’t want that. So speak up now. Then suggest ways you can each compromise.
It may mean your partner watches some games with you, and others on their own or with friends. At the beginning of the sports season(s), you could also go over the game schedule of your partner’s favorite team(s), then plan ahead for your dates and weekend trips, giving your partner the time to figure out how to work their love of sports into a schedule that works for both of you.
You can likewise communicate (nicely) to your partner that watching sports isn’t your jam. As much as your partner doesn’t need to change what they enjoy (or don’t), neither should you. But what it is that you still must be is respectful.
To that end, if you feel yourself mentally checking out every time your partner starts talking about sports with you, let them know that you don’t love talking about sports all the time, but be sure to make more of an effort to be engaged when you do. Then pivot to other topics. If you’re truly compatible as a couple, that compatibility will show up in other areas of your life. And if you realize you can’t find other common ground, well, that’s something you should think about delving into more seriously.
Finally, and just as importantly, if your partner tells you how your ambivalence about sports makes them feel, hear them out. Listening is as important in healthy communication as speaking up is. Then ask yourself: What am I going to do about it?
Compromise for the win.
Strong relationships are all about how well you can each compromise. Just as your partner can’t expect you to become a sports fan overnight or ever, you can’t expect your partner to give up sports forever. Instead, work with your love to find a happy medium for both of you, ensuring that you still have plenty of quality time together on and off the field — so neither one of you winds up playing the field somewhere else.