The Political Climate Is Hurting Relationships…but for Some More than Others, Says New Study

Preface: our current political climate has become hyperpolarized, and since the 2016 election, this polarization has seeped into dating. Before the election, and in my experience as a matchmaker, few people listed politics as a dealbreaker, instead citing other aspects of a match's identity such as religion, lifestyle, children, and geographic distance. Post-election, however, politics all of a sudden became a yuuge deal. 

 I think this is a tragedy. As a matchmaker, I believe the idea that people fit together like puzzle pieces is misleading. Instead, I think about matchmaking as I do cooking. Some ingredients work better together than others; some come together to create a scrumptious, salivating meal, and others, well, don't. In other words, there is no such thing as being a 100 percent match for somebody else, and that while matches must be compatible, there will always be some issue about which matches must compromise. In the matchmaking industry, that issue has historically been politics. 

 Under the current administration, however, political leaning has become the ultimate dealbreaker for many, which says to me, people could be missing out on an otherwise ideal match. Of course, I respect the wishes of my clients; a dealbreaker is a dealbreaker. But, having worked in the field of matchmaking for almost three decades, I understand it wasn't always the case that people viewed those of the opposing political party as immoral or closed-minded as they do now, according to a new Pew Research study

 According to the research, Democrats are less willing to date people who voted for Donald Trump than Republicans willing to date those who voted for Hillary Clinton. The study reveals that 71 percent of Democrats probably or definitely would not consider seriously dating someone who voted for Trump. In comparison, 47 percent of Republicans probably or definitely would not consider dating someone who voted for Hillary. Both of these numbers are significant, meaning that nearly two in four Republicans wouldn't date a Hillary voter, and roughly three in four Democrats wouldn't date a Trump voter. What these statistics amount to are a whole lot of people who won't date each other based on political leaning alone.  

 So, why does this matter? As a matchmaker, I have watched the dating topography change and continually use my observations to fit the needs of my clients. Meaning, with the information—the factual data—I have, I can assess dating trends from a third-person perspective that my clients, who are directly dating, may not be able to, and underscore what effect such patterns can have on their love life. 

 We hear the word "politics" thrown around all the time. But what we don't often do is sit down and think about its etymological origin. The root of this word is "polis," which is Greek for city, community, and, most importantly, citizens. I believe in recent years this meaning has been lost on us: yes, we associate politics with government, but, fundamentally, politics is about people on a micro-level. "We the People" control the government; however, the hyperpartisanship of the government and our country fundamentally comes from within us as individuals. Hence, the rise of people who refuse to date otherwise ideal matches simply because they voted for the opposition candidate. 

 As a matchmaker, I find myself in a peculiar yet unique position of helping to reduce hyperpartisanship in my beloved country. I obviously can't force my clients to date people who voted for the opposite candidate, nor would I want to, but I can at least make my case to them to keep an open mind and consider dating a match of the opposing political party.  

 By doing so, daters could potentially expose themselves to the people behind the views, individuals they may in time grow to care more deeply about after recognizing that having beliefs about particular policies doesn't make someone "bad." They could then take that understanding back to their communities and, from there, change our country for the better by becoming more inclusive and receptive to having thought-provoking and respectful conversations about issues affecting all of us. And, perhaps, be just a little nicer to one other, even when we don't agree.