Much as we don't like to think about it, cheating is prevalent among American couples. According to a study by the American Psychological Association, infidelity occurs in about 20 percent to 40 percent of American marriages. In other words, one to two couples out of five is involved with a partner who has a wandering eye. But what happens when a pandemic strikes and the ability to cheat becomes hampered?
Thanks to COVID-19 and the resultant social distancing measures presently in place to stop its spread, logic should dictate that cheating is off the table, at least for the time being. After all, how can you cheat on your spouse or partner if you're not supposed to leave the house and must stay at least six feet away from others if you do?
As it appears, counter intuitively, coronavirus has done little to curtail cheating. And it's not like singles didn't already have plenty of reason to worry either. Pre-pandemic, meeting people online already spoken for by someone else or discovering that a trusted partner has engaged or is engaging in some extracurricular activity was commonplace. But when it comes to cheating, where there's a will, there's a way. Not even a global health crisis could stop it.
Paul Keable, Ashley Madison's chief strategy officer, revealed recently in an interview with Venture Beat that the dating site specifically created to facilitate cheating has had an average of 17,000 new users a day as of late March, up from 15,500 new users in 2019. Moreover, the site has reported that 30 percent of women using the site are conducting their affairs digitally, exploring cybersex instead of physical.
Ashley Madison is not the only site to have experienced an increase in usage. Even dating sites not intended for affairs have experienced an uptick in users, possibly married ones. Speaking with InStyle, a New York City female who uses dating apps, reported seeing an increase in men she suspects are married or in a relationship. Whether or not her suspicions are justified, OkCupid does report seeing a 10 percent rise in overall usage and Bumble an 84 percent increase in the use of video chat and call features. At the end of June, Tinder, too, will release a video-chatting feature to help its users date remotely (and privately), leaving single daters with the task of discerning more than ever before which matches are viable, beginning with whether they are available to date in the first place.
As a seasoned matchmaker who has employed online dating as part of my unique hybrid-style search strategy, I have lots of experience vetting matches to ensure they are suitable (and available) to meet my clients' long term goals. In particular, what I have found is that to see a red flag, you have to open yourself up to see it. That's not to say you must go in believing everyone you meet is cheating. No way! To do so would be self-defeating. But what you should do is acknowledge that, especially when couples are sheltering in place, there will be some characters, let's just say, not acting with your best interests at heart. So do your homework! Conduct some online research of your own via Google and social media, and sprinkle in a little old-fashioned Q&A. When you finish, note any inconsistencies you find. Is your match who he or she claims to be?
Don't be afraid to bounce your findings off of friends, or a professional matchmaker like me, who has pretty much witnessed it all. The most important observation of which is that, even in the worst of times, my extensive client base of eligible women and men in various age groups and locations across the country who are seeking an honest connection shows me that love is out there, waiting for you. The question is: are you ready to put in the work to find it?