Neurodiverse, or neurodivergent, is a term that has come into the mainstream recently, but its meaning is nothing anyone who has lived in the world doesn’t know: Not everyone’s mind works similarly.
According to the Cleveland Clinic, the word neurodivergent “is a nonmedical term that describes people whose brains develop or work differently for some reason.” The reason, according to the Cleveland Clinic, doesn’t have to be identified, either, meaning there might not be a medical explanation attached to it, though commonly neurodivergent is a word used in conjunction with those with autism spectrum disorder (ASD).
Nonetheless, the Clinic goes on to explain in its definition that a neurodiverse individual “has different strengths and struggles from people whose brains develop or work more typically.” These struggles, which are often misunderstood, can pose challenges in the area of relationships, including the ease with which neurodivergent people can find and engage in romantic relationships.
Fortunately, there has been more attention on neurodivergent singles looking for love, including the introduction of the 2022 Netflix series “Love on the Spectrum,” which follows several neurodivergent participants in their quest for love. As the series opens, it’s easy to see that the wants of the individuals in the series are nothing new. They include finding companionship, finding love, and having their boundaries respected.
Finding love is not always easy, period. It takes effort, persistence, and a strong constitution. Those who are neurodiverse can have added challenges they must adapt to in order to find more dating success. If you are a neurodivergent individual and single, consider the following dating tips.
Know yourself.
For anyone, but especially for someone who’s neurodivergent, it’s important to know yourself or get to know yourself better as someone who is single and dating. Knowing yourself can mean many things.
First, it means understanding your list of wants, needs, red flags, and green flags. It also means understanding where you will feel the most comfortable on a date so you can be your best self. Is that outdoors? Is it at a time in a restaurant where there will be fewer people? Is it in a setting with dim lighting?
The point is to evaluate what may trigger you on a date and do your best to put yourself into situations when these triggers won’t be present. Once you understand these aspects of yourself, you must then …
Be open about who you are, your desires, and your specific needs.
Communication is the key to any interpersonal relationship, including romantic relationships. So, the sooner you learn to communicate effectively, the better off you will be. And by better off, it means having the wherewithal and information to be selective about the people you date because you have enough information to make informed choices.
For example, if you express to a potential date or someone you have already started dating that you are uncomfortable around large crowds, yet they insist you are overreacting, not being truthful, or that with them, you can feel safe, you might want to reconsider accepting a date.
The same can be said for having the courage to make suggestions that suit you even if no one has asked. It’s important to be your own advocate in any situation, including dating.
Set and enforce your boundaries.
Related to being open is the ability to establish and enforce the boundaries you set. This skill will be valuable if you are interacting with an individual who is not demonstrating that they respect you.
It’s OK to push back and see how that person responds. However, if they are unwilling to respect what you are telling them, you have just gained valuable information about them and should take steps to move on.
There are enough singles out there that you should never have to deal with someone who disrespects you. Yes, you can compromise, but only to the extent that doing so doesn’t mean you are compromising yourself.
Seek compatible partners.
As you become more discerning in your dating choices, you will begin actively seeking more compatible partners — partners who are kind, understanding, willing to compromise, and respectful. This criterion should be “musts” on your wish list for a new partner, much more so than a person’s physical attributes, and can begin as early as in your online dating profile.
If you are having trouble deciding what characteristics of a potential partner are most important to you, consider making a list and ranking the characteristics in order of importance. That way, when you meet someone new, you can decide whether you are interested in getting to know them better.
Focus on the positives.
While it’s helpful to be open about neurodivergence’s challenges, it’s equally important to focus on its strengths and the positive effect it has on your life. To that end, celebrate your power, individuality, creativity, and empathy.
When the time comes, guide your partner toward understanding how your neurodivergence can enhance and add depth to your connection. And that every relationship is as unique as the people in them.