It’s a common theme among career-driven singles: They don’t have time or struggle to find time to date. Though they might go into the process with the best intentions, as relationships don’t work out due to the demands of a high-pressure career, many career-driven singles become jaded about their prospects of finding love.
If this sounds like you, don’t throw in the towel because the dating pool hasn’t closed to you just yet. That said, you may need to re-examine your current priorities and make some tweaks along the way.
As you probably already know, there are only so many hours in the day. However, just as in any budget, business, or personal, once you look more closely, you can usually find what you’re looking for, in this instance, more time to date. Consider the following strategies for balancing ambition and romance.
Get a handle on how you manage your time.
True story: Some people are just better at managing time than others. Often, this skill doesn’t correlate with how successful a person is career-wise. People simply work differently. Some are more creative in the mornings, while others have those creative bursts late at night. There’s no right or wrong way to be. However, what is important to understand is how and when you work and how and when you play.
As a career-minded individual, especially someone who prioritizes their career, it may not occur to you to physically schedule those blocks when you intend to and normally work on a calendar. But doing so can help you visualize the times when you are truly unavailable to date and when you may be able to find some free time you can dedicate to dating specifically.
Dedicate time to dating.
Just as you expect to work during certain times of the day and how you (now if you haven’t been doing so) schedule time on your calendar to go to the gym, the doctor, or to happy hour, it’s important to do the same for dating. Keep in mind that this time does not have to be devoted to going out on actual dates.
If you don’t have a date scheduled, you can still use the time to propel your dating life by checking into any online dating sites you’ve been utilizing, attending a singles event, or going to an organized activity such as a running club or pickleball clinic where you could meet other singles.
Given your busy work schedule, thinking creatively about when dates can occur will be a game-changer. Not all dates must happen after the work day ends. Depending on your hours, you may be able to schedule a morning workout session for two and visit the juice bar afterward, a mid-morning shared run, a coffee break date, or a lunch date.
Prioritize quality over quantity.
Since your time is limited, you will need to be judicious. The best way to accomplish this goal is to prioritize quality over quantity.
How best to do that? Vet your matches. Get to know people first by exchanging texts and emails, then speaking on the phone or over video chat. If you don’t like what you read, hear, or see, don’t be afraid to end your interaction.
If you do decide to meet in person for a first date, limit the date to a period of not more than one hour. As mentioned earlier, your date can do double duty by being a part of your normal workout, coffee break, or lunchtime. Happy hours can be fun, too, as long as they don’t slide into dinner for a first date.
One caveat: If your date is serving two functions, be sure to make the person you’re meeting the priority, giving them your full attention because (a) it’s polite, and (b) you don’t want to waste your time or theirs. You also want to use the time to get to know your date better. Remember, early dates are fact-finding missions.
Be open about your career with potential partners up front.
If your career is important to you and you envision it taking priority in your life for the foreseeable future, let your date know that. Be honest about your work schedule and your lifestyle around it. That way, if you’re not what they’re looking for, they have the information they need. The idea is to be compatible with the people you become involved with, compatibility having numerous components, including career.
Consider ways to be more flexible and make changes to accommodate your love life.
It’s important to recognize ways in which you might be too rigid in your life and make changes accordingly. If you’ve been finding that no matter what you do, it’s still impossible to find time to date or that any time a relationship gets going, it goes up in smoke because of your work schedule, it is time to take a step back and evaluable what you can and are willing to change. That could involve making a change in your career, or it could mean putting off dating until you can figure out a way to make both livable situations for you.
Priorities, like people, change over time. That's why checking in with yourself about what your priorities are might be the most strategic investment you could make in your dating life right now. Time and the inclination to date will follow.