He’s afraid of commitment.”
“She’s crazy.”
“He’s set in his ways.”
“She’ll put spin class before you.”
And these are only a handful of the reasons I’ve heard why you shouldn’t date someone who has never been married. I’ve heard more, and none of them are necessarily true.
That’s because, when it comes to dating, the only rule you should stick by is that a rule which causes you to close yourself off from options is a bad rule. Here’s why.
When you see someone on a dating app, you have no idea why they’ve never been married.
Though I consider online dating a valuable tool for exposing yourself to a large pool of singles, some platforms, especially dating apps, are fundamentally flawed because they don’t provide a lot of space to explain your single status. Especially the “never been married” status, because that sometimes requires a bit more explanation.
For example, say a person was in a committed, long-term relationship, but that he and his partner decided, for financial reasons, not to marry. Does it mean he was afraid to commit? No, not according to these facts. Their agreement was mutual.
Consider also the lawyer who worked around the clock until she made partner during her tenth year of practice, then put in another five years because she wanted to solidify her position. And now that she has, she’s ready and has the time to devote herself more fully to a relationship. Is she crazy because she hasn’t been married yet? Crazy busy, yes. Nuts? I would need more evidence of that.
Or the guy who had several short-term relationships that didn’t work out, whether because of a lack of chemistry, a job transfer, or a sick parent who ate up a lot of his time and attention. Is he set in his ways, or did life get in the way of him finding a partner? Chances are it’s the latter.
And about that woman who loves spin, who missed going to the gym during the pandemic, and whose Peloton changed her life. Yeah, she loves spinning for sure. But would her love for it supersede her finding the love of her life? I’m doubtful.
The point is I could come up with hundreds of scenarios, each of which could explain away the limiting statements above. Statements that could cause you to miss out on meeting an entire category of people based on one thing they haven’t done, which is to marry, versus all the things they have done in their lives to make them the person they are and why they may be right for you including the fact that they’ve never been married.
Here are a few benefits to dating someone who has never been married:
● Less time and fewer financial obligations they must devote to an ex-spouse and kids, for example
● Less emotional baggage, such as lingering anger or resentment from a nasty divorce
● More flexibility since fewer obligations and less emotional baggage may lead to having more time to spend with a new partner, added freedom to move closer to them, etc.
Final thoughts…
I have a friend who always says, “She/he fell through the cracks.” What my friend really means is that the person they know is great but just hasn’t met their person yet.
If that’s you, the one who has fallen through the cracks, say, as Michael Bublé did, it’s because “I Haven’t Met You Yet.”
And if, by chance, you have been married but find yourself on a dating app because your last relationship or marriage didn’t work out? Remind yourself that it also means you haven’t met your person yet, either.