Have you ever scheduled a date with someone new and had second thoughts? Said to yourself or someone else, “Why am I even bothering to go?”
If you answered yes, your response is normal. Summoning the strength to go on a date is no easy feat. It can feel like a lot to have to get dressed, drive to a location you may not have been, then be “on” for an hour or so with someone you’ve never met in person before. I’m tired just writing about it.
But, and this is a big but, if you talk yourself out of going on that date you scheduled (unless, of course, there’s a really good reason, like you found out the person is married or has lied about their identity in some other substantial way), you may miss out on meeting your new love.
Sound corny? You bet, but it’s true. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve gotten a phone call from a client right before a date, asking me how they could cancel in a polite way. I’ve received these calls sometimes within as few as 20 minutes before the date was to start. The biggest reasons? General disinterest and first-date jitters.
Fortunately, I have advice for overcoming both. So, if this has ever happened to you, I suggest you continue reading.
How can you overcome disinterest before a first date?
It’s extremely important before a first date to make sure you’re in the right headspace. Otherwise, your date will feel like dominos falling, and nothing about the date or the person will fall into place. Your date, in other words, will probably leave you wanting more. Which means you won’t want anymore — from them, at least. Your relationship will have been over before it started.
A way to become interested before a first date comes down to a few simple things, beginning with only scheduling dates with people you’re interested in seeing. That means, after a few text exchanges and a call or two, if you don’t want to meet that individual in person, then don’t. It’s not time wasted; it’s actually time saved. Your time is precious, and, therefore, you shouldn’t give it to just anyone.
Once you’ve put that date on the calendar, prepare for it. If you’re the person planning the date, do your homework. That means considering your past conversations to pick a venue both of you will enjoy, one that isn’t too far away for the other person or remote.
After that, generate excitement about the date — for the other person and yourself. Brush up on the details you’ve already learned about the person. And interact via text or a quick call before the date. Always confirm.
If you’re not the one planning the date, still review what you know about the person you’re about to meet. Excite yourself. Imagine the potentially nice morning, afternoon, or evening in store for you. Think positively, instead of saying, “I know nothing’s going to come of this.”
These few small actions will make you feel more invested. Not too much that you will feel disappointed if there’s no chemistry on the date. But enough that you’re setting yourself up, and the other person, to feel any chemistry that may exist.
How can you overcome pre-first-date jitters?
Doing most of the above will get the ball rolling for getting rid of or at least lessening those pre-first-date jitters you may feel. Beyond that, I have a few suggestions for taking the edge off.
If you’re feeling nervous, make sure your internal narrative is positive. Remind yourself of all that you can offer to another person. Make a list if you have to of all the traits that make you appealing.
Still a little jittery? Talk to a friend or a dating strategist like myself. Someone who can listen and let you bounce your fears or ideas off of. Sometimes it’s helpful to know you’re not alone in this.
Finally, tell yourself it’s just a date. Take the pressure off of yourself. The only reason for a first date is to see if you like the person enough to move forward with them for a second date and to have fun. That’s it.
Don’t go in thinking, “Is this person going to be my husband or wife?” That’s a lot of weight to put on a first date.
My advice? Keep dating in perspective. It’s just that simple. And easy. Which is how dating should be.