No one wants to be the bearer of bad news, and telling a woman her spouse or partner is cheating is a special kind of bad. But that doesn’t mean you should necessarily keep the information to yourself.
Difficult conversations are difficult for a reason. Therefore, you should consider the repercussions of telling a woman her spouse or partner is cheating before having a conversation. Here’s why.
A woman may act on the information you give her.
Apart from looking a person in the eye and telling them something difficult to hear, one of the reasons why telling a woman that her spouse or partner is cheating is so daunting is that the woman may act on it in a way that changes the trajectory of her life and perhaps her children’s if she has any. That’s a lot of responsibility on your part.
Though you may have your opinion about what she should do based on what you would do in the same situation (of course, no one truly knows what they would do until they're faced with making a decision), the woman may have her reasons for responding in the way she does, reasons you may not be privy to. It’s thus important before giving a woman information that her husband is cheating that you consider the possible effect that information could have and also the effect you don’t consider because it’s a wild card.
Not every woman will want to know.
You may find that a woman will not want to know what you’re telling her. Ignorance is bliss for many people, and not everyone finds cheating a reason worthy of upending their relationship, maybe even life. This is a personal decision, and if you do tell, you shouldn’t consider it your job to counsel that woman on what she should do with her marriage and family.
She may not believe you.
The woman you’re telling may not believe what you’re telling her. Whether it’s because she actually doesn’t believe you, thinks you have an ulterior motive for giving her this information or is in absolute denial and needs time to process the information, she may call you a liar despite you not being one.
These can be hard words to hear, especially if you value honesty, and that’s the reason you talked to this woman in the first place. No one likes to have their character assaulted. Not to mention, you are convinced she will be better off by receiving the information you give her and are now frustrated on top of whatever else you are feeling that she doesn’t want to believe you.
You may make an enemy (or enemies) by telling.
By telling, you risk making an enemy of both the woman you’re telling and the individual who is betraying her. Doing so can put you in a precarious, if not dangerous, position. Again, you never know how someone will react if they feel outed or backed into a corner.
If you are friends with the woman being cheated on, telling her about her husband may jeopardize your friendship. The reasons for this effect can vary — she may be embarrassed, think you won’t support her in her decision based on this new information, or, as noted above, she doesn’t believe you and is now angry.
Your information may be incorrect or misleading.
If you aren’t 100 percent certain about the news you are sharing, it’s important that you let the woman know. This way, she can do whatever verification she needs to make herself feel comfortable that what you say is true.
You don’t want to be accused of spreading misinformation or causing damage resulting from it that is irreparable. In any event, you want to be pretty close to sure before sharing information with a woman that her spouse or partner is cheating because it can be so damaging.
Your reasons for telling are self-serving.
Even if the information you relay is true and the woman acts on it in a way that honors herself and her family, being the messenger may still backfire in your face if she decides that your reasons for telling serve you first.
Not only can this cast a shadow on your information, but the woman may come to see you in a negative light. It’s best to check in with yourself first about your motives for interfering.
Final thoughts …
No matter how you approach the situation, telling a woman her spouse or partner is cheating will cause someone pain. Loss is inevitable, and it may be in more ways than one.
But even the hardest decisions are more palatable when they are well thought out. Making them becomes easier, and so does living with them.