Do you ever wonder why, when you need your partner most, they seem to have an emotional outburst? Why, when you are or are about to be occupied with something or someone other than them, it’s time for your partner to unload on you about everything they perceive you’re not doing for or giving to them?
Have you ever considered why your partner creates drama when it suits them, going from zero to 100 in about a second? How they give you no other choice than to direct your attention to them, despite what you need to do and how important it is?
It turns out that there may be a more plausible explanation for the behavior besides the one you’ve always resorted to, which is them being an assh*le — the possibility they suffer from histrionic personality disorder. Below is a description of what it is and how you can manage a partner who’s exhibiting these types of behaviors.
What is histrionic personality disorder?
According to the Cleveland Clinic, “[h]istrionic personality disorder (HPD) is a mental health condition marked by unstable emotions, a distorted self-image, and an overwhelming desire to be noticed. People with HPD often behave dramatically or inappropriately to get attention.”
Among personality disorders, HPD tends to be one of the more rare ones, with about 1% of the population having the condition. However, it may be more prevalent than that, as those with HPD often fail to seek professional help, leading to them going undiagnosed.
What are some of the signs of histrionic personality disorder?
There exist various indications of histrionic personality disorder, with the most common involving exaggerated, attention-seeking behavior, often manifested emotionally and sometimes sexually. The Cleveland Clinic describes a person with HPD as exhibiting some or all of the following behaviors:
They project a larger-than-life persona.
They consistently employ charm and flirtation.
They use physical appearance to attract attention, i.e., by wearing brightly colored or revealing attire.
They display erratic and superficial emotions.
They communicate with dramatic flair and assert strong opinions, often without substantial evidence or details to support their views.
They engage in inappropriate sexual behavior with numerous individuals.
They demonstrate susceptibility to manipulation, particularly by those they admire.
They demonstrate an excessive preoccupation with their physical appearance.
They feel undervalued or despondent when not the focal point of attention.
They crave instant gratification and become bored or frustrated quickly.
They persistently seek validation or approval from others.
They struggle to sustain relationships, often appearing insincere or superficial in their interactions.
They perceive their relationships as more intimate than they are.
They exhibit dramatic and highly emotive behavior, embarrassing those close to them in public.
Under the DSM-5 criteria, a diagnosis of HPD would require an individual to display five or more of the following repeated patterns of behavior beginning in early adulthood:
They become uncomfortable when not the center of attention in social settings.
They act inappropriately flirtatious or suggestive around others.
They show shallow and rapidly changing emotions.
They often use their looks to get noticed.
They talk in a vague way without much detail.
They like to make a big show, exaggerating their emotions.
They are easily influenced by others or situations.
They think their relationships are closer than they actually are.
As noted above, a clinical diagnosis is infrequent. However, that doesn’t make the effect of these behaviors on a romantic partner feel any less real.
How does histrionic personality affect romantic relationships?
At first, the mix of victim-like and seductive behavior typical of a person with HPD (or someone exhibiting these types of behaviors) may be alluring to a new romantic partner, especially one with an anxious-attachment relationship style. However, after some time, the behaviors that once created attraction can become the source of repulsion.
Because individuals with histrionic personality disorder behave erratically, those who interact with them on a regular basis, such as a romantic partner, never know when they will face an outburst. The confusing behavior can cause distrust and fuel resentment.
Is there a way to treat histrionic personality disorder?
Psychotherapy is the best way to treat HPD or HPD-like symptoms, and the prognosis is good. Where there is related substance abuse, treatment can, however, become more complicated.
Final thoughts …
If you are in a relationship with someone exhibiting behaviors typical of histrionic personality disorder, it’s important to evaluate whether you want to continue based on the impact it’s having on your own mental health.
A healthy relationship is a two-way street, and when one person controls the relationship due to their mental health issues, it can weigh heavily on the other person. If you find yourself in such a situation but want to remain devoted to your partner as they commit to and seek support from a mental health professional, it can help to find a source of similar support for yourself at the same time.
Your quality of life does not have to come at the expense of anyone else’s, including your partner’s. So, if you decide to go your own way at some point, remember there are a lot more fish in the sea — and the potential for a relationship that flows smoothly without frequent waves of drama.