A first date comes after you’ve collected enough information that you want to spend the time and energy to meet someone in person. This makes it an investment. As with any good investment, you want to do whatever you can to get the best return.
Even if the date turns out to be a one-hit wonder and you never see this person again, you want to leave a lasting impression that’s positive. Not just because you don’t want someone to think negatively about you but because that person is now a connection of yours and can introduce you to someone who may be a better match.
On the flip side, they can speak poorly of you, especially if you commit any one of the following common first-date faux pas. With this in mind, here’s what not to do on your first outing.
Arrive Late Without a Good Reason
If you are the type of person who generally runs late, try harder not to when going on a first date. Unless you have a really good reason why you’re not at your meeting place when you’re supposed to be — the babysitter wasn’t on time, there was traffic (for real), or you got detained at work — it won’t reflect favorably on you. And even if you do have a genuine excuse, there’s no telling whether the person you’ve kept waiting will believe you. After all, they don’t know you yet and have no reason to take your word at face value.
First dates are like job interviews. If you wouldn’t behave a certain way with a prospective employer, don’t behave that way with someone you are meeting for a date. Everyone’s time is valuable, and if you aren’t demonstrating that you respect your date’s time, it may cause them to wonder what else you won’t respect. If you do happen to run late, be sure to communicate your new arrival time and apologize, then apologize again when you do arrive.
Talk Only About Yourself
Want to come off as self-centered and narcissistic? Talk about yourself endlessly. Don’t ask your date anything about themselves, either.
As interesting as you may be, you will become less interesting, not to mention less likable, if you fail to engage in real banter, where you ask questions to your date with the genuine intention of getting to know them better.
True, your date wants to get to know you, but they also want you to get to know them. You can’t do this if you’re yapping away about your college days or, worse, your colleagues who they’ve never met. No one wants to be told, “You had to be there.”
Not Listen or Engage in Conversation
Related to the above faux pas, you want to make sure to listen to what your date says. That includes paying attention to details about them or a story they’re telling. Ask questions. Show your interest with your body language. Be polite, even if you don’t like what they’re saying or even them personally.
Overindulge in Alcohol
Meeting at a bar and having a drink is a common first-date activity. Alcohol can definitely lighten the mood, helping to lessen any nerves you may have about meeting someone for the first time. Feeling relaxed is a plus, but you don’t want to feel too relaxed because your innate filter will have a harder time doing its job.
Along with a compromised filter comes a lowering of inhibitions. Alcohol can give you a false sense of security and be the cause of poor decision-making. With too much alcohol, you could be more prone to making choices you will regret later, or worse, choices that put you in danger.
Finally, letting yourself be overserved is not a good look. It demonstrates that you’re not in control of your urges, that you don’t care what others think, and that you may have a more serious problem regulating your alcohol intake. None of this reflects positively on you.
Check Your Phone Repeatedly
If you want to communicate how uninterested you are in someone, pull out your phone to check the score. Look at Instagram. Text back the group chat.
It’s hard to disconnect from your phone entirely, especially if you have children at home. That’s probably the only reason why you might have to look at your phone during a date. But there are also ways to be discreet about it: look at your phone while in the restroom, leave your phone on vibrate, and request your kids or the babysitter responsible for them only contact you in an emergency. Leaving detailed instructions at home can help alleviate those non-emergency interruptions.
Everything else should be able to wait. If it can’t, you should probably have considered rescheduling your date to a time when you could give someone your undivided attention or have canceled it.
Discuss Controversial Topics
Thoughts on the upcoming election? Abortion rights? Religion? Consider tabling those for a while. That is unless you deliberately want to alienate your date so they never want to see you again, or you never want to see them. If that’s the case, an “It was great meeting you. However, I don’t see a future for us” would work just as well. It would also not give someone a reason to badmouth you afterward.
Instead, keep conversations light. Yes, you are there to learn about the person you’re sitting across from, but controversial topics can be too agitating for the occasion, including for the people sitting nearby, who are unfortunate enough to overhear them.
Dress Inappropriately for the Occasion
Wearing a garment that is uncomfortable or makes you feel conspicuous can change your mood and your physical demeanor. What you wear is also a form of self-expression, so make sure your clothing sends the message you intend.
Bring Up Past Relationships
Like clothing, talking about an ex can also send out messages you may not want to, such as you’re still hooked on them, you’re an angry or vengeful person, or present the possibility that your ex may rear their head and become a problem should you start a new relationship. The person you’re on a first date with doesn’t need to know your entire dating history, only your availability now.
Ignore Basic Manners and Etiquette
Lateness without good reason and checking your phone often, both discussed above, are just two ways to demonstrate your lack of basic manners and etiquette. Others include using foul language, ordering food before your date arrives without inquiring what they would like, letting the door close on someone instead of holding it open, and, often, the subject of controversy, not offering to pay, at least for your portion. When it comes to manners, consider how you would feel if someone treated you that way.
Criticize or Judge
Pointing out in a negative way someone’s appearance, voice, attire, or whatever is wrong. If you think it, it’s still not your place to say it. Everyone has feelings, and you don’t need to be the person to cause someone else to feel bad. Again, consider how you would feel in that situation.
Final Thoughts …
While some faux pas, like the ones above, can be avoided, others cannot. Tripping, accidentally passing gas, or not hearing what someone said correctly are, unfortunately, real incidents that can happen in real life.
Though potentially embarrassing, these slips don’t have to signal the end of your interaction. But if one does, move forward, and don’t beat yourself up about it. Everyone can have a bad moment. The point is not to create any bad moments unnecessarily but to create the best possible dating experience for you and another person you can.