Early dates come with surprises around every corner, not all of them good. Some are so bizarre they can cause daters to jump out of sheer shock. Fear of the unknown is common, and the mix of anxiety you may experience from trying to make a good impression while opening yourself up to someone you don't know well can be enough to make your skin crawl.
Throw in a pandemic, and what you could generally chalk up to weird dating behaviors have now made people appear like they're going batshit crazy. Yes, the virus itself is scary. But as a matchmaker, I would argue that even more hair-raising are the less explored effects the virus is having on dating.
Here are a few to make you shake in your boots.
1. The Covid Goodbye
Figuring out how to part ways at the end of a date is tricky. Should you wave before going your separate ways? Hug? Lean in for a kiss? After reading cues throughout the date, you finally approach. In "normal" times, whether you get that goodbye right is hit or miss.
During a pandemic, all bets are off because masks are on, making it harder for couples to gauge how they feel about each other. After all, if you're strolling around town wearing a face covering, it's hard to read your date's expressions. Body language goes a long way toward communicating and creating attraction.
Or, as I explain in a previous article, if you just enjoyed a socially distanced date with your masks off and then put them on right before you stand up to say goodbye, your signals could get crossed. Your date may very well like you and but, instead, becomes apprehensive because of the risk of catching COVID. Understandable.
So you end up exchanging an awkward nod, or worse, an elbow bump. Then, without knowing what the hell just happened, you leave the scene of the crime, along with your budding relationship, which is now dead in the water.
2. COVID sex
Earlier this year, New York State released guidelines on how to practice safe sex during the pandemic. Oregon followed with an infographic, taking it to a new level of ick. Some of the highlights included tips about masturbation and— Well, you can read the rest on your own. While these instructionals are cringeworthy, they introduce the broader and more critical question about how best to approach sex during COVID times.
While these mysteries are already hard enough to solve during non-COVID times, does a pandemic justify bringing one of New York's most eligible bachelors, Governor Andrew Cuomo, into your bedroom with his advice about how to navigate your sex life? I guess that depends on who you ask. But I digress.
For most people, this level of direction is a little freaky.
3. Getting dressed for Zoom dates
One of the more stressful parts of going on a date, especially for women, is figuring out what to wear. Pre-COVID, single women often described spending hours rifling through their closets to find the perfect outfit.
But what happens when dates are going to be socially distant over Zoom? Is there still a point in spending hours doing hair and makeup and laboring over which cute dress to pull out of the closet, especially if your date will only see your upper body?
More and more, daters have taken to wearing a nice top with pajama pants, or boxers, with no one the wiser. That is until you stand up by mistake to refill your coffee cup or wine glass. Eeek.
4. Pet introductions
Are you ready for a threesome? Probably not. But your pet might be. They won't think twice about getting in on the action by barking in the background or, in the case of cats, walking across your keyboard. Here's the thing: among daters, not all pets are created equal.
As I discussed in another recent blog post, there's a strong bias against men who have cats. The same holds for women; recall the crazy cat lady trope, which causes many men concern. Brace yourself: that black cat crossing your path screen may spell bad luck for you — and your new relationship, too.
5. Getting the lay of the land too soon.
Another thrill of dating someone new is when you see where they live for the first time. In a way, virtual dating spoils that thrill. When you're on Zoom dates, you will most likely see various rooms in their home off in the background before ever setting foot inside.
On the other hand, if your date decides to use a green screen, it may make you wonder what they're hiding by not showing what's behind them. Is your date's home messy? Does someone else live there, like a partner or spouse, or, God forbid, their mom?
6. The "cheap" of birds.
No, it's not an Alfred Hitchcock movie. It's a little birdie whispering in your ear, questioning whether your date is cheap, enjoying these freebie dates a little too much. With virtual dating, the money meter all but dissipates. Video chatting is inexpensive, especially if you're already paying for a video service or getting one through work, alleviating the age-old question of who's paying for dinner.
It's no secret going on dates gets pricey after a while, especially for men who bear the brunt of the expense during the first few dates or early stages of a relationship. Dating requires a monetary investment, filtering out guys uninterested in pursuing anything serious with you by default.
Though not a foolproof method for showing genuine interest, invested men are usually willing to reach into their wallets. The same goes for women, who happily shell out for traveling expenses to see guys they like. Or to make them homecooked meals. For the ungrateful guy, these are expenditures that often go unnoticed and, accordingly, unappreciated.
It's also why how much money each person contributes to a relationship should be cause for discussion, at least in relationships destined to succeed. Better to be open and honest about money from the beginning, even if, for now, you're Zoom dating. There is a caveat: dating should never be a quid pro quo, so beware of the dater who makes it one. Thanks to the slowdown in casual dating caused by the pandemic, you have plenty of time to chat about it.
A discussion, however, doesn't mean you won't wind up disappointed. Because you don't need much effort to turn on your Zoom camera and chat for a couple of hours every week, you still run the risk of somebody wasting your time. The commitment needed for virtual dates is low, which means instead of listening to the "cheap" of birds, you may soon be hearing crickets, the scene in horror movies when the latest victim usually gets the ax.
Good thing your cat with nine lives taught you that your dating life has far more, including the opportunity to meet someone better in your next one.