It’s hard not to think of dating at holiday time without thinking of Bridget Jones in the iconic ’90s movie Bridget Jones’s Diary. Making the rounds at holiday parties single, the endless questions about her dating habits, and, of course, too many awkward moments to count. It all felt a bit much for her.
Remember the holiday dinner, everyone around the table a couple, where a prying dinner guest asked Bridget why there are so many unmarried women in their 30s these days? You could hear a pin drop as the entire table awaited a thoughtful answer, which never came. Because, after all, how do you answer a question like that without sounding (a) bitter, (b) insulting, or (c) just silly? Spoiler alert: There’s a way.
So continue accepting those invitations. As someone who’s single at holiday time, the last thing you should do is stay home. After all, you’re entitled to enjoy the holidays, too. Not to mention, the holidays can be a great time to meet people, either other singles or those who can introduce you to someone single.
Unfortunately, busybodies aren’t the only minefield to be wary of. There are exes lurking about, new relationships and hectic holiday schedules to be managed, and, not to be ignored, the age-old dilemma for the coupled about whose family to visit.
To help, I’ve answered the most common questions I get around the holidays about how to handle these sticky situations.
1. What should I tell my friends and family about my dating life when they ask?
When family and friends give you the old, “So … how’s your love life going?” it’s really a personal decision about how much or little you want to say. But be prepared; there will be follow-up questions if you drop even the slightest hint of a new relationship brewing.
If you’re not looking to be in the hot seat around the holiday table, say something that will end the conversation politely, such as, “I promise to tell you as soon as I have something to tell.” If you prefer to be more open about your relationship status or lack of one, share away, realizing you may get questions later on about a special someone who’s no longer so special.
2. My ex and I are both in town, but should we connect?
Ahhh, it’s so tempting. The lights, the mistletoe, the holiday cooking. But my answer is generally the same: leave exes where they belong — in the past. Even if you’re interested in seeing where things lead, tread carefully. Unless your ex has given you concrete evidence to think the reasons why your relationship ended no longer apply, you shouldn’t believe anything is different.
Connecting, in that case, will likely only lead you (and them) to pain that you both don’t need. It will also keep you from being in the positive mindset you need to meet someone new.
3. How do I introduce my new relationship during the holidays?
My advice is that unless you plan on being with this person for the foreseeable future, and they’ve indicated the same to you, I would refrain from bringing them home to meet your Mom, Dad, and dear Aunt Sally or meeting theirs. Creating familial connections too soon can create a false sense of intimacy.
It can also make it that much more difficult to go your separate ways, especially if you really like each other’s family and they’ve welcomed you both into their arms. In truth, family’s opinion or treatment of you has little to do with how the person you’re dating makes you feel and the depth of your relationship.
4. How can I keep the person I just started dating interested while traveling solo over the holidays?
First off, don’t cancel your plans just because you’re seeing someone new. It’s very important to continue living your life and being independent. That said, now that you have a special someone, it’s also important to keep the connection going while you’re apart.
You can stay in touch easily by talking on the phone, texting, and FaceTiming regularly. Also, it’s nice to project and discuss any plans you may have or want to make when you see each other in person again.
5. How can my partner and I decide whose family to visit for the holidays?
Deciding whose family to spend the holidays with can cause tension in a relationship, especially if you have to choose one or the other. If possible, and if distance and schedules allow, split the day. Dinner in one place, dessert in another. Or have two celebrations but on different days.
The point is to listen to your partner and be as fair with them as you expect them to be with you. After all, this is the person you’re supposed to care about, maybe even love, whose presence makes holidays — and your life — that much more joyful.