Like many Americans, I turned on my TV to watch the DNC—
No, don't click away! I'm not here to talk about politics, I swear!
Anyway, I turned on my TV with the expectation to hear solely about politics, but the truth is that the world isn't divided into boxes, with each topic of discussion receiving its own box. Life is interdisciplinary, which gave me, the matchmaker, a different appreciation for Biden's speech when I listened to his account of the story about how he and his wife Jill met.
In case you didn't catch the speech, here's the rundown. Biden is a widower; his first wife and baby daughter were tragically killed in an auto accident, leaving him as a single father of his two surviving boys. He was single and focused on the kids for a while, and eventually, he met Jill. She needed to be sure she and he wanted to get married, and what an assumption of responsibility it would be to take on his children as well, which she was prepared for and willing to take on wholly and fully. The boys referred to her as Mom, versus Mommy, who died.
As a matchmaker, I warn my clients not to enter into these relationships lightly. It doesn't take much time or thought to express interest in someone online, especially if you're doing the bare minimum — sending a wink or swiping right. Choose your poison. I say poison because most online dating sites make it sinfully easy to get your foot in the door with a potential match, even if you only appear like matches on paper, and not in the flesh.
One such way this would occur is with the question of children. You and your potential match have excellent witty banter over text, and maybe even in person. But there's a catch: suppose you don't want children, but your potential match has children. When push comes to shove, you have two options: break things off now before they get serious, or accept your match and his children.
As is the case with the Biden family and most young-ish families, the match and their children are a package deal. You can't wish them away because they aren't going anywhere. Even if you intend to maintain a perpetually casual relationship, the children will always somehow creep into the dynamic of the relationship, whether it be your match needing to cancel because his son has the flu, or his daughter has a piano recital. A key thing to understand about parents is that their children will always come first (if they don't prioritize their children over their needs, that's a red flag, but that's beside the point).
There are many responsibilities a step-parent would need to take up. You would also need to prioritize your match's children's needs, as would be the case with your own one day. Additionally, if your match's ex is still alive, there would be the task of co-parenting, and the potential issues associated with that. And, of course, there's the seemingly feared and insurmountable obstacle of the possibility that, for whatever reason, your match's children dislike you (or maybe they do like you, but give you hell anyway).
As a potential match for that parent, you can either accept that the needs of the children will come first or move on to a child-free match. Still, I believe including single parents into your search expands your prospects for finding love, not only from the person but also from an entire family.
Dating someone who has children can be very difficult, but it can also be very rewarding. My philosophy is that it's more fulfilling to live in a world where there are more people to love and more people who love you. So, I encourage my clients to broaden their horizons and, if they're willing to date a man or woman who already has children, ask themselves whether they would be open toward that potential match as a long-term option.
These relationships don't usually come easy, and you have to realize that going into them. It could be for you. And it may not be, which is OK, too.