Introducing someone you're dating to your friends can feel like a significant and exciting step in a relationship, especially if you regularly see your friends and consider them to be members of your family. It can also be stressful. You want your friends to like your new significant other, as that person is now someone you care about, too, and it's nice when all the people you care about get along.
But now that you've introduced your significant other to your friends, they just aren't seeing this person the same way you are. It's tricky, and you find yourself asking the following question over and over: Who should I believe, my friends or my significant other? Below are a few factors to consider when your friends don't like the person you're dating.
Find out why your friends don't like your new partner.
Upon finding out that your friends don't like the person you're dating, you may feel hurt and upset with your friends. You can’t believe it. Why would they do this to you? An important factor to consider is that your friends built up the courage to tell you they think this way, so there must be a reason. You may need to look past your emotions and hear out the reasoning behind their judgment.
When you're in a relationship, you lack the third-person objectivity that the people around you have. In other words, there may be behaviors and dynamics within your relationship that you would consider red flags if you saw them in someone else’s relationship but are unable to perceive because it’s your own.
If your friends cite legitimate red flag behaviors from your new partner, such as openly flirting with others or putting you down, consider taking what they’re saying seriously. They likely have your best interests at heart.
However, if your friends say they "just don't like them," consider other reasons why they might feel this way.
A gut feeling can be on the mark, but your friends may have other specific reasons for not liking someone you're dating. One of the most common reasons is jealousy. A close friend may feel jealous of all of the attention you’ve been giving to your new partner instead of them.
Additional possibilities are that a friend is jealous that you're seeing someone while they're not. Or a friend has feelings for the person you're involved with, and you aren't aware of this. Any of these scenarios, or other ones, could be the reason, so ask your friends outright about their reasons for disliking your partner. Hopefully, they’ll be honest with you.
Consider how well your significant other makes a good first impression.
Not everyone is great at getting people to like them, at least not at first. Some are charming, while others take time to warm up to those around them. Still, others can be shy or anxious in social situations.
You know the person you're dating better than your friends. Did you instantly fall for this individual, or did it take you some time to tear down their walls and finally see them for who they are? If it took you time, it might take your friends some time, too. So be patient with them.
You shouldn't need to choose between your friends and the person you're dating.
If your friends have told you they don't like the person you're with, and it's not because your significant other is mistreating you, it doesn't mean you need to or should cut anyone out of your life. As long as your friends can be civil and respectful to your significant other, which is also a sign they have respect for you, you should feel comfortable making time for everyone you care about, even if everyone can't be in the same room at once. Who knows, your friends may even warm up to your significant other one day.
But even if they don't, remember, good friends and good partners will never force you to choose between them. Not to mention, the opinion that matters most is the one you have. So ask yourself: Are you happy?