There are many reasons why people claim they have little to no interest in dating. The excuses range anywhere from the effort it takes to the expense (time and money) and includes everything in between. You name it, I've heard it before. But once you scratch the surface, the reason usually comes down to one — fear.
Fear of dating and relationships, or sarmassophobia, is defined literally as a fear of love play. It "presents" as a fear of social situations, objects, and people who engage in behavior typical of romantic interactions. That includes flirting, kissing, and, yes, dating. It's often the reason people say they're happier being single or their life is so full there's no room for anyone else, particularly a partner, in it.
Fortunately, as Franklin Delano Roosevelt said in his inaugural address, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." Once I open my clients' eyes to what's at the root of their hesitation, we get to work on facing what's scaring them most.
It's OK to feel afraid.
After working with hundreds of eligible singles, I understand dating can be daunting at first and why people fear it. It can be hard to put yourself out there, be scrutinized and judged by others, and risk getting hurt, especially if someone's hurt you before. It's not easy. And I get why some people would want to avoid it. But what I remind my clients is that the reward can far exceed the risk.
The difference between rational and irrational fears is that the latter prevents us from living our lives to the fullest. A life without love, whether you're talking about your soulmate or a partner to go to the movies with or out to dinner, is a life you can make more enjoyable simply by adding the right person into it. But it does require a small leap of faith. And sometimes some work before making it.
How can one overcome a fear of dating?
The best way to overcome your fear of dating is to get to the root of why you're afraid. I like to get to know my clients. We have heart-to-heart talks. We discuss whatever they're comfortable with that will give me added insight into not only who they're looking for but, even more importantly, who they are.
These discussions can include their past relationships, childhood, whatever makes them tick. Often, my clients learn something new about themselves in the process. And if they need to supplement with a mental help professional, such as a therapist, I support them doing so. We never stop growing, even later in life, when we think we have all the answers.
Why does one develop a fear of dating?
The biggest reason I've found why my clients fear dating is the likelihood of being rejected. Because of online dating, there is a much stronger emphasis on what a person looks like when choosing matches.
Also, there appear to be so many more options, spurring the idea that you can swipe and get another match if you don't like the one before it. But the amount of choice is an illusion. I've had so many clients still say to me there's no one out there to date. Of course, I know better.
I help my clients limit the pool by assisting them in making informed choices. I help them pick people who would likely also select them and who they may not choose themselves. Sure, everyone has to deal with rejection, but together we come at the process from a position of confidence — and, as a result, strength.
How a matchmaker can help.
The answer in a word is priorities. When you use a skilled, experienced matchmaker, that person will make you their number one, regardless of how many people they're helping. My clients are my priority. I recognize how emotional looking for love can be, and because of that, I make sure I'm here for my clients whenever they need me to be, day or night, seven days a week.
I support my clients, and, in return, my clients support me by being an integral part of the process. When they're in it to win, to find the love they want, that's when the magic happens. It may sound corny, but after 30 years in the business, I know one thing for sure: love wins. But first, you have to get into the game.