Jealousy in a relationship is a complex and often intense emotional response that arises for a variety of reasons. It can occur because one partner perceives a threat to the relationship, feels insecure about their partner’s attention or affection, fears losing the person they love, or suffers from an intrinsic sense of inadequacy when comparing themselves to the person they are jealous of. Jealousy can also be triggered by instances of micro-cheating, spending time with family and friends, a successful career, past experiences of betrayal, low self-esteem, and attachment style.
A small amount of jealousy in a relationship is healthy, as the non-jealous partner can take it as a sign of caring. Jealousy is a natural human emotion. It can arise in any relationship, whether you have gone on one date or been together for 60 years. It can manifest in various ways, such as suspicion, possessiveness, insecurity, and anger. However, an excessive amount of jealousy, or irrational jealousy, can be detrimental to a relationship, as it can harm the health and well-being of both partners in a relationship.
If your partner is always jealous, addressing the issues causing their behavior is critical to maintaining the health of your relationship or deciding to leave. Below are several steps you can take to address your partner’s jealousy in your relationship.
Acknowledge your partner’s feelings.
From your perspective, it might seem like your partner’s jealousy is completely unfounded and irrational because you know yourself to be trustworthy and believe there is nothing for them to worry about. However, it is important to understand that jealousy is a real emotional response. Not only that, your partner could be experiencing it for justifiable reasons, ones you might not have even recognized as triggers.
For example, your partner could be jealous because they perceive that you are attracted to one of your friends or that one of your friends is attracted to you, despite you not even noticing or their perceptions being unfounded. Your partner could be struggling with insecurity that has nothing to do with you or the way you conduct yourself in platonic relationships and more to do with them and their history. Or perhaps you have cheated or otherwise violated their boundaries in the past, and because of that, your partner has good reason to be suspicious.
Regardless of the reason underlying your partner’s jealousy, it is important that you acknowledge their feelings. They are real to them.
Engage in open and honest communication.
You can never fully understand your partner’s feelings without an open and honest conversation. While jealousy can be an awkward or difficult conversation topic, if it is creating issues in your relationship, then a conversation is necessary.
To set the stage, create a safe space for open dialogue where both partners can express their fears and insecurities without judgment. Encourage your partner to communicate their feelings with you by practicing active listening. To ensure a safe space, avoid becoming defensive or dismissive of their feelings. If you fear for your physical safety, schedule the conversation to take place in a public place.
Offer your partner reassurance and validation.
Now that you have heard and listened to your partner’s concerns, the next step is to reassure them that you deeply care about them, that their needs are important to you, and their fears are unfounded. You tell them (and mean it) that you love and are loyal and committed to them.
You let them know you appreciate that they came forward, opening their heart to you to have that difficult conversation. Finally, you emphasize the importance of trust in a healthy relationship and offer them the same.
Set healthy boundaries.
Next, you and your partner require a game plan. To that end, clearly define and communicate what the boundaries are and will continue to be in your relationship. Which behaviors are acceptable? Which ones are not? Once you reach an agreement, you and your partner should both feel safer and more secure in your relationship.
However, be careful to balance your partner’s needs with your own. For instance, if your partner is jealous of a particular friendship you have and forbids you from talking to anyone of that gender or otherwise isolates you from the rest of your friends, then communicate that such a boundary is unhealthy. Or, if your partner wants your location at all times to ensure you are not cheating and you have no history of infidelity, communicate that this type of demand violates your boundaries.
Build trust.
A common source of jealousy in a relationship is insecurity and a lack of trust. Therefore, it is important for your relationship to take measures to strengthen trust in your relationship, like demonstrating consistency, reliability, and honesty. Furthermore, take care to avoid certain activities that could make your partner jealous, such as flirting with other people, being secretive about your whereabouts, or engaging in other activities that aren’t quite cheating but could be seen as violating healthy boundaries in a relationship (i.e., sparking or continuing to engage in a deep emotionally intimate friendship with someone of the opposite gender).
Encourage personal growth and high self-esteem.
If your partner is experiencing jealousy due to their own self-esteem, as their partner, you can help them by working on their sense of self-worth. Encourage them to pursue personal interests, hobbies, and other activities to boost their confidence, such as eating well, getting enough sleep, and hitting the gym.
Urge them to have their own support system outside of your relationship. They should cultivate a network of friends so they are not entirely dependent on you for plans. When their life feels more balanced and fulfilled, they are less likely to feel jealous.
Seek professional help if needed.
If your partner’s jealousy becomes excessive, uncontrollable, or begins to harm your relationship, you might need to seek, as a couple and individually, the assistance of a mental health professional, such as a therapist or relationship coach, to help you and your partner work through the jealousy and those issues giving rise to it. A mental health professional would evaluate the relationship from an objective, third-party perspective and offer additional insight into how to manage jealousy and improve communication in your relationship.
Like handling most other issues in a relationship, managing jealousy should be a team effort. Both partners must be willing to work on themselves and the relationship. Your best bet is to address the issue of jealousy early on before it gets out of hand and goes on to cause further hardship in your relationship and harm to you individually and as a couple.