It’s coming…The day dreaded by many singles, men and women alike. What to get the wife, husband, girlfriend, boyfriend, activity partner, or new squeeze can the source of a lot of stress. And suppose you get it “wrong”? Let’s not go there now.
Then there’s all that well-meaning advice and the articles about what to do on Valentine’s Day if you’re single or how to celebrate Galentine’s Day. If you’re like a lot of singles, you just don’t want to hear it. For good reason: there’s nothing wrong with being single on Valentine’s Day. In fact, it can be quite right. Here’s why.
1. You’ve ended a relationship because it wasn’t working.
Whether you ended it or the person you were dating ended it for you, kudos to you. Why? There’s no better way to waste time than staying in a relationship that’s going nowhere. Or a relationship that isn’t making you happy, where you feel unseen and unheard. Or worse, a relationship in which you’re the victim of abuse.
These are all great reasons to be single, and you should celebrate them this Valentine’s Day. And every day after.
2. You’ve decided to take time to work on yourself.
“It’s not you, it’s me” is your mantra. You’re keenly aware the time isn’t right for you to be in a relationship right now. Whether you’re changing jobs, want to focus on your career, are resolving issues from your childhood, or are knee-deep into a kitchen renovation, which is stressing you out, it’s all good.
Everyone, including you, is entitled to take time off from dating to focus on yourself, to improve your life in any way you imagine. That can include going to therapy, visiting a spa, or anything in between. Your life is your life, so live it on your terms. Better to date when you’re ready.
3. You’re enjoying your single status now.
Being single can be freeing. It can feel liberating, especially after the end of a long relationship or marriage. Everyone needs space to heal and to regroup. The same is true if you’re suffering from dating burnout. A break can be just what you need.
Being single, you can take to time to figure out who you are, what you like, what you don’t, and what you’re looking for in a new partner. That way, when you meet someone you’re attracted to, you can make an informed decision about whether you want to explore a relationship with them. The best part is you can have fun while doing all this.
4. You’re keeping your options open.
As someone who’s single, you have nothing but options. Opening yourself to all of the possibilities out there (there are so many singles to meet these days) means you have not only the freedom of choice, but you hold all of the power.
They (whoever they are) aren’t choosing you; you’re choosing them. This state of mind in itself is empowering. Strong, confident singles attract like-minded people, which is definitely a plus.
5. You recognize that finding the right person for you is a process.
You might have heard that dating is like having a second job. I don’t really love when people say that because having a second job can sound tiring or imply that dating is a burden. Dating is anything but that. That is if you’re doing it right.
I tell my clients to think of dating as an activity — a fun one. You wouldn’t sign up for spin, pilates, or photography if you didn’t like it, right? With that in mind, a date should be enjoyable and something you look forward to. If it’s not, then the situation isn’t right: the person you’re meeting isn’t someone you’re interested in, what you’re doing together isn’t something you like, or you don’t have your head in the game.
All of these reasons are worth hitting the pause button to ask yourself: Am I spending the time I’ve allocated to dating constructively? If your answer is no, change the dating venue, the date, or the person you’re going on the date with. But, most importantly, change the narrative in your head. Once you do, your heart will follow. And whenever you’re ready, so will the person who’s right for you.