Best Summer 2014 Dating Reads & Resources: Creating the Ultimate Romance Highway Vacation

Beach days, vacations, and outdoor activities -- summer is upon us and with the higher temps comes our favorite season for romance and fun. For those in a relationship, now is the time for trips and exploring with partners while singles can use the slower pace to brush up dating profiles, travel, and meet new people. The Ask Cass Editorial Team is also ready for a road trip; we’ll be traveling the globe and cyberspace to develop new initiatives, resources, and services for our readers to enjoy. Be on the lookout for our “Summer Dating Research Series,” prepped with the best data to optimize your relationship approach and experience! To get the season rolling, we’re excited to share some of our Innovative Match (IM) summer favorites. First, here is our top 10 must read list for romantic enlightenment and inspiration. Soak up some fabulous dating know-how while relaxing in the sunshine:

  • Have Him at Hello: An IM favorite, Rachel Greenwald’s classic (geared towards our female readers) will equip daters with tried and true tips from a 10-year dating study.
  • How Not to Look Old: Fast and Effortless Ways to Look 10 Years Younger, 10 Pounds Lighter, 10 Times Better: Charla Krupp’s New York Times bestseller is an expert, easy-to-follow guide for looking your best.
  • The Art of the Approach: The A Game Guide to Meeting Beautiful Women: Logan Edwards targets male readers, sharing advice on being your best self as well as communication strategies for dating success.
  • How to Talk to Anyone: Leil Lowndes’ guide is a must-read, presenting proven communication techniques for any encounter. Put these tips into practice this summer and be ready to transform your professional and social life.
  • Ladder of Years: O magazine’s own book reviewer, Leigh Haber, recommends this summer read by Anne Tyler. Revel in the journey of a middle-aged woman’s reinvention from an ever-shrinking identity to independence and self-reliance.
  • I’ve Got You Under My Skin: New York Times bestselling author Mary Higgins Clark offers another page-turner, perfect company for mystery lovers while traveling or enjoying a staycation.
  • Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking: Malcolm Gladwell’s bestseller navigates how we think without thinking and choices that seem to be made in the blink of an eye. Blink is especially applicable in the game of love, offering valuable insight on our everyday interactions.
  • Mars and Venus on a Date: Bringing to light the differences between men and women, this fun guide offers perspective that will help you navigate the dating maze and find that special person you've been waiting for.
  • Stop Getting Dumped!: Lisa Daily tells all in this practical and hilarious guide to beating the "dating slump" and meeting (and keeping!) the kind of partner we all dream about.
  • Find a Husband After 35: (Using What I Learned at Harvard Business School): Another favorite title from dating coach Rachel Greenwald, targeting singles 35-95. Here is her 15-step action program based on simple marketing tactics she learned at Harvard Business School.

Our favorite tip for spicing up those summer nights? Amp up your vacation wardrobe and evenings on the town with Rent the Runway! Our Ask Cass Editorial Team can’t recommend this A-list service enough, which delivers the designer experience right to your door. With a collection of dresses and accessories ranging from Hervé Léger and Badgley Mischka to Carolina Herrera and Versace, the expert Rent the Runway stylists will transform your date look with effortless class and style.

Now that you’re well equipped with our summer faves, ready yourself for the best season yet! Remember to embrace adventure and keep an open mind to new paths. Here’s our favorite mantra from Eric Schmidt:

“Find a way to say yes to things. Say yes to invitations to a new country, say yes to meet new friends, say yes to learn something new. Yes is how you get your first job, and your next job, and your spouse, and even your kids. Even if it's a bit edgy, a bit out of your comfort zone, saying yes means that you will do something new, meet someone new, and make a difference. Yes lets you stand out in a crowd, be the optimist, see the glass full, be the one everyone comes to. Yes is what keeps us all young.”

Here’s to your amazing summer road trip on the Romance Highway, filled with exciting new destinations, people, and experiences!

The Ultimate Dating Guide for Women 45+: Relationship Experts’ Top Tips for Captivating Quality Men Online

Congrats! You’ve mustered the courage to start your online dating journey. With your well-written, confident and fabulous profile -- plus 4 - 6 attractive photos -- you’re ready to roll. Maximize your chances of success with Innovative Match’s (IM) “Ultimate Dating Guide for Women 45+”! Be sure to read all of the linked articles, carefully curated by the IM Social Media team. 1. Take Control You’re 45+ and crazy busy, so mastering the online time management game is key! Take 5 minutes to read Bonny Alba’s “Making Time for Love” and map out a plan. To “outsource” some of the process, explore reputable relationship coaches or matchmaking firms such as IM.

2. Commit to the Process

Online dating is a marathon, not a sprint. Log on to your online dating accounts (recall, we recommend at least 2) several times a week to check profile views, likes, winks, evaluate matches, respond and prospect.

3. Make the First Move

Jane Austen would have contacted men, and so should you! IM, relationship experts and matchmakers agree that outreach is an essential (and empowering) tactic! Narrow your criteria to those whom you will realistically complement, but don’t be overly selective. Online dating is a numbers game; contact at least 12+ men a week in addition to responding to those who email you. Adjust your goals as you begin to date.

4. Be Compelling

Online introductions and language are as important as meeting in person. Review OK Cupid’s tutorial to capture interest and perfect your early communications etiquette.

5. Opt for Old School

Someone can articulate their personality beautifully online, but if you sense potential match magic, get to the phone. No need to chat for hours; 20 minutes can reveal hobbies, backgrounds, common interests and goals. People are often reluctant to share their number for security reasons, but modern technology offers numbers that are private or untraceable.

6. Avoid “Email-Phone Date” Quicksand Is your goal to meet “Mr. Right” or “Mr. Right Now”? Assuming it’s the former, meet ASAP. If he doesn’t beat you to the punch, one approach is to end your call with a breezy (no pressure, please), “Well, it’s been great chatting; I’ve got to call my [father, friend, sibling etc. - he/she needs some help/advice], but I’d love to make a plan to get together and continue the conversation.”  If he feels the same, he’ll respond on the spot or shortly thereafter.  If he doesn’t, it may be time to move on.

7. Google and Gut Check

Think Nancy Drew. In addition to phone speak, be an Internet detective.  Often, the info you need is just a few keystrokes away. If you're still uncomfortable with the prospect of meeting someone, don't. You have zero obligations to meet people who make you feel “iffy.”

8. Hold Fast to Power and Self-Esteem Online dating can take a toll; work to maintain your confidence and resilience. Identify those in your network who can be wingmen or supportive. Keep your sense of humor and fun in tact; smiling and laughter are great mood lifters! Finally, be mindful of your schedule and state of mind in order to avoid dating burn out.

Now that your inbox is filling up, lean back, breathe and celebrate your grand adventure. You’ll learn about yourself, encounter new people and experiences, and with time and effort, likely meet the love of your life.  

Think of us as a dating GPS and check back for more tips and directions along the way.

Happy Travels!

The 45+ Woman’s Ultimate Dating Profile Guide: How to Turbocharge Your Launch or Re-Launch

For those launching their online dating adventure or re-launching their profile, this Innovative Match (IM) guide is for YOU! 45+ online daters often proclaim:

“This isn’t working.  I’m not getting the right activity.”

“The men I contact aren’t responding!” 

or “I’m not getting emails from the right demographic.”

Think of posting your dating profile as you would listing your home. Optimize your property and its positioning to attract the maximum number of qualified parties. One of the single fastest ways to increase your dating activity is a profile re-launch following these steps:

1. TAKE STOCK Would you want to date yourself?  Is your profile (including photos) optimized for results? Are you on the right sites? Are your expectations realistic? Are you reaching out to new men regularly? If the answers are “Yes!” and you’ve been on a site for more than 6 months with dwindling activity, it’s time for a change. Opt for a new online dating site and/or re-launch your profile. Revamping your data can result in significantly more activity, with more suitable potential partners to boot!

2. COMPEL WITH THE COVER PHOTO

As in real estate, if people don’t stop to look at a “property,” they’ll never see the wonderful world within!  Author Malcolm Gladwell introduced the important concept of “thin slicing” in his best seller “Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking.” First impressions count far more than most realize, with decisions occurring in two seconds.

Thus, the cover photo counts. Review carefully our IM blog on first dates and impressions before photo shoots and selecting that crucial cover photo. Need help distinguishing hot from not? Show your photo options to a few trustworthy male friends.

3. REVITALIZE THE VISUALS

Sight is our most influential sense; pictures have 60,000x more impact than text. It is a widely accepted fact that men are more visual than women when it comes to initially assessing a potential partner or date. Thus, choose your photos wisely!

Four to six current photos are ideal. The first should be a glamour shot of you at your best, professionally photographed, if possible. A full body shot in special occasion attire helps a man visualize what you'd look like on a date, at a party or at a business function. A casual, fun shot and a picture of you with friends or family can show your social circle and reveal your lighter side. Activity shots (e.g. yoga, tennis, water sports) show off your fun, athletic side. Partners want to know you will have time to spend with them and that you are versatile. Show you know how to let your hair down after a long work week! Lastly, include a corporate shot if appropriate.

Finally, prepare heavily for professional shoots as well as the taking of casual shots. This effort will yield dividends. Before you begin, read Huffington Post’s compendium of profile tips and WikiHow’s “How to be More Attractive to Men.”

4. DAZZLE WITH YOUR DESCRIPTION Ask friends for ten adjectives that describe you. Two to three well-written, compelling paragraphs are best for your profile. Check out other singles’ dating profiles for inspiration.  Show your diversity and incorporate both fun and sophisticated aspects of yourself, particularly in travel and vacation sections. Balance writing about work with info about your values, hobbies, and social activities. Include what you can provide and seek in a prospective partner.

5. EXCITE and STAND OUT

Share passions to discover common ground. For example, “I’ve never golfed before, but I’m a great athlete and would love to play (particularly with a partner),” or “I’m very athletic and pick things up fast, so I want to learn to ski.” Such statements show potential partners that you are receptive to new things and will introduce them to new experiences as well.

6. CHOOSE A WINNING “LISTING” STRATEGY

Just as you would weigh all options for listing your home, e.g. which broker(s), websites, strategies, time of year, etc., so too should you strategize about your dating launch or re-launch. Participating in 2+ sites doubles your chance for success. Join a large community (such as Match.com or eHarmony) as well as a niche site, e.g. JDate or Ivy Date, targeted towards singles with like religions, hobbies or backgrounds.

Alternate your photos periodically and reconsider your sites if traffic starts to slow.

Pursue listings in different cities if you travel regularly and are open to distance relationships or relocation. Experiment and determine what works best for attracting digital attention.

7. SEARCH, SEARCH and SEARCH SOME MORE

Many women wait for others to reach out. Search often and contact potential partners. No, you won’t appear desperate and you’ll likely be pleasantly surprised at the number of responses you receive.

8.LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION

Be easy to find.  Explore all features of your online dating community that can push you to the top in search results e.g. Match.com’s “Top Spot” feature.

Online dating provides more opportunities to meet men than does any other venue. Don't short sell your own success.

People invest thousands in education, homes, travel, and more. Time spent optimizing your digital real estate could result in the introduction to the love of your life and years of happiness.

IM Recognition #4 – Why You Should Rethink Your Resistance to Online Dating

"Why You Should Rethink Your Resistance to Online Dating" receives this week's IM Recognition Award! Recommended by the Innovative Match Editorial Team, this eHarmony article wins our nod of approval for the valuable message it promotes. We hope you'll enjoy this informative read as you continue your journey on the Romance Highway.

Why You Should Rethink Your Resistance to Online Dating by Rachel Dack

The Women’s Ultimate Day to Eve Guide: Wow Your Date Every Time

nnovative Match (IM) clients are ultimate professionals – successful, driven, intelligent, and charismatic. But dating can be a second career. Below is our compendium of top tips for flowing from a high-powered workday to a relaxed and romantic evening out.

1. MENTALLY CLOCK OUT:

Schedule 30 minutes post-work and pre-date for personal time. Find a quiet space where you can wind down with calm music and deep breathing exercises. Embrace power poses from Harvard’s Amy Cuddy to boost your confidence. Envision a successful date.

2. YOU ARE NOT YOUR CAREER – DON’T WEAR IT:

20-30 minutes is all it takes to transform your appearance.  Changing out of corporate wear works wonders in switching your focus from the afternoon’s conference call to date-night anticipation. No need to rush home either! Cashmere dresses under blazers are suitable for the office yet still soft and feminine; alternately, pack an extra blouse and employ statement jewelry to glam your look. Don’t forget, a nylon run is a fashion disaster easily beat; always keep a pair of fresh sheers in your bag. Need outfit inspiration? The IM stylist team has cultivated the freshest looks on Pinterest.

3. STAND TALL:

Date night is the perfect time to flaunt your favorite heels! Huffington Post cites a study, from the journal Evolution and Human Behavior, which concludes “both males and females judged high heels to be more attractive than flat shoes.” Many women are uncomfortable in heels - wedges and platforms are glam shoes that give height but also a comfy dream evening. Check out our Pinterest for sophisticated styles from Stuart Weitzman, Cole Haan and more, as well as helpful products to keep you dancing the night away.

4. HAIR IS AN ASSET:

Embrace simple solutions such as a classic bun or experiment with quick yet beautiful styles. Extensions are a popular fix for execs crunched on time. Pieces by Ken Paves, Raquel Welch, and many other fabulous companies are worth the investment. IM clients on the go also report success with Joan Rivers’ Great Hair Day Fill In Powder for quick root touch ups. Consult a stylist for help shaping and placing extensions and to see which color, length, shape and care regimen are best for you.

5. SPARKLE: 

While subtle works for the office, an evening out is an opportunity to elevate your makeup.  Switch lipstick from work to play and apply it correctly. YouTube has expert tutorials on quick smoky eyes and eyebrow shaping as well as facial contouring, which can alleviate self-consciousness around fine lines or extra weight. Take advantage of Wayne Goss’ videos tailored for the 45+ set. Our stellar clients report great success with facial exercises from folks like Cynthia Rowland, creator of QVC bestseller Facial Magic. Embrace something new like false eyelashes to brighten tired eyes after back-to-back meetings. Above all, people remember a confident smile – prep lips, teeth and breath to make a great impression.

6. SCENT PLAYS A MAJOR ROLE IN THE BIOLOGY OF ATTRACTION:

A memorable scent is the way to your date’s heart and will keep you lingering in his or her mind long after you’ve parted for the evening. Samples are easily transported to work in your makeup bag. Wearing a lighter scent is appropriate for work but opt for a heavier perfume in the evening.

7. POLISH YOUR PRESENTATION:

When we look our best, we act our best. Men tune into details such as:

1. Hair

2. Lipstick

3. Accessories

4. Confidence

5. Smile

6. Energy

7. Hands

Ladies often ignore un-manicured hands even though it’s easy to travel with a polish in your purse or invest in a gel manicure that can last for weeks with the right care.

Putting your best self forward is worth the time and energy.  Look at your days ahead of you. Will you have your best date or a stressful date if you meet someone this week? Reschedule to a less hectic week if necessary.

8. COLOR COUNTS:

Wardrobe color can effect how you are perceived. Check out these must-read articles to discover what colors in your wardrobe are the most attractive.

9. WEAR YOUR BEST ATTITUDE:

When it comes to securing a second date invitation, a positive attitude is key. Nobody wants to date someone from the office according to New York Times bestselling author Rachel Greenwald. Remember who you are, what you want to portray and what you want to achieve.

A great car is made of many parts – a smooth exterior, a beautiful interior, and a reliable engine. On the Romance Highway, flaunt all of your amazing aspects to make a memorable impression and leave your date wanting more.

Innovative Match Enjoys An Elegant Evening Of Philanthropy For St. Jude

On March 15th, Cassie Zampa-Keim, Innovative Match, LLC (IM) CEO & author of “Ask Cass,” joined fellow IM supporters on the red carpet for the 5th Annual Stars & Crescent Evening for St. Jude Children's Research Hospital. A lifelong entrepreneur and philanthropist of the San Francisco Bay/Silicon Valley area, Cassie and her family have been longtime contributors to St. Jude, whose mission is to advance cures and means of prevention for pediatric catastrophic diseases through research and treatment. Consistent with the vision of founder Danny Thomas, no child is denied treatment based on race, religion or a family's ability to pay. This year’s Stars & Crescent event afforded Cassie the perfect opportunity to continue support of St. Jude and also broaden her charitable reach to the east coast, building a philanthropic partnership between IM and New York City’s brightest young philanthropists.

IM CEO Cassie Zampa-Keim with Stars & Crescent Co-Chair Miranda Payan and IM supporters

The Stars & Crescent Evening is hosted each year by the women of Delta Delta Delta, a body of upwardly mobile New Yorkers giving their hearts and souls to this important cause. Delta Delta Delta, whose membership includes almost 200,000 living alumnae, has had a national partnership with St. Jude since 1999, raising more than 27 million dollars. In its 5th year since inception, the Stars & Crescent Evening has become a banner event for the sorority, attracting hundreds of guests who celebrated the evening with light hors d’oeuvres, complimentary cocktails and champagne as well as a silent auction and raffle to benefit St. Jude. Cassie and her IM team joined in the festivities held at the Bowery Hotel, once located at the heart of old “Skid Row” – home of the Bowery Boys. Since its opening in spring 2007, the ultra chic venue has been attracting a host of celebrities and entertainers.

Cassie and IM sponsored a VIP services package for the highly-anticipated auction, joining the ranks of other generous donors including Katie’s Couric’s The Katie Show, Rent the Runway, Kate Spade, Vince Camuto, Exhale and more. Thanks to generous benefactors, the evening was a great success, generating over $50,000 for this important cause.

2014 New York City Delta Delta Delta Stars & Crescent Committee Members

Cassie commented, "It was inspiring to see such young women dedicating their efforts to the cause. I was deeply touched by their selflessness. Putting others first is not something that everyone can do, especially at an age when you may not have your own family or children. Yet these women accomplished something tremendous for St. Jude."

Cassie's passion for this special organization has deeply resonated in her life as well as in her business. Cassie was diagnosed with cancer at age 20. "We received the news in December; the doctors told my parents it would be my last Christmas if we didn't act aggressively" says Cassie.  "During my year of intensive treatment, I saw many children suffering from cancer.  It affected me deeply - some of those children made it, some did not.  I felt so grateful to be a survivor that I knew I wanted to help children with cancer.  Helping St. Jude is one way that I can make a difference."

When Cassie turned thirty, she became a monthly donor to St. Jude. “After I had my children, I asked each of my two daughters and my son to write a Christmas card every year to a cancer patient at St. Jude.”

Then when Cassie was 39, she was diagnosed with a benign brain tumor as a result of the massive amount of radiation treatment she’d received.  “I went through the gamma knife to shrink the tumor.  Unfortunately it damaged nerves in my left year, which resulted in permanent hearing loss.  When I was working with my audiologist I learned that his assistant was a patient at St. Jude when she was diagnosed with brain cancer at the age of two.  I met her when she was 26. She told me what her parents shared with her about the experience.  They remembered positivity, incredible doctors, and the amazing place that is St. Jude.  It was fate that we met.”

Such experiences continue to resonate deeply with Cassie, instilling her with a sense of personal resilience and responsibility, which spurred her to get a degree in life coaching and give back. “I am passionate about helping St. Jude in any way I can,” says Cassie who donates a portion of IM proceeds to the hospital.  “It is a driving force to build my company so that I can help children beat cancer.” IM is Cassie’s personal testament. She infuses her clients and team with the same resilient spirit seen in patients and families of families, helping people create lasting love in their lives.

Learn more about St. Jude at www.stjude.org or by visiting Stars & Crescent Evening for St. Jude, featuring an ongoing Gifts that Give campaign. To be involved in the 2015 Stars & Crescent event, please contact co-chair Miranda Payan at mirandapayan@gmail.com.