Terminology in dating can be confusing, especially when talking about relationship status. The dreaded question, “Where is this relationship going?” often won’t even cut it anymore (1) because there are so many new terms to describe relationship status, (2) many people don’t fully understand what these terms mean, and (3) those who do sometimes take advantage of the nuances that exist between the terms. An example of such nuanced language exists between the meanings of exclusive and couple. Spoiler: They are not the same. Here’s why. 

Exclusivity in Dating  

Picture this: You’re dating someone new, and they’re saying and doing all the right things. They’re texting and calling. You’re going on regular outings together. They’re reliable. They’re respectful. You’re attracted to each other, and so far, you haven’t noticed any red flags to give you the heebie jeebies. Because of all the green flags, you’re pretty sure sex is on the horizon. 

Though a lot of people think it can be a mood killer, and it can be, it’s helpful to have a conversation before sex so that you understand how it will change your relationship. Will is the operative word here, not can, because sex is a monumental step in any relationship, given how not everyone’s interpretation of its importance will be the same. In other words, sex won’t automatically make you a couple. Nor will it make you exclusive.  

Exclusivity and coupledom can get confusing when two people agree to be exclusive but do not mention being in a committed relationship in every sense. Pro tip: In dating, you should assume nothing. If there’s no agreement between you and a partner that you’re a couple, you should take it as you aren’t one.  

In modern-day dating, exclusivity has a sexual connotation — it implies that you and your partner are only having sex with each other. That being said, you and your partner should still state this explicitly to avoid misunderstandings. You and your partner should also be tested for STIs and exchange verifiable results, continuing to use protection as many infections won’t show up immediately if recently contracted.  

The Title of Boyfriend or Girlfriend 

Being a couple — being someone’s boyfriend or girlfriend — means you are committed to one another for the foreseeable future and aren’t shopping around for other prospects. Prospects that, if they were to pique your interest, you would consider sleeping with. (But, hopefully, not before a conversation if you are sexually exclusive.)  

Beyond committing to each other as boyfriend and girlfriend, other people should be aware of this fact. When introducing new people, it should be stated, “This is my girlfriend, Kate,” or “This is my boyfriend, Bob.” Not, “This is Kate,” or “This is Bob.” 

Your relationship status should also be apparent to others on social media. You should have full access to each other’s social media profiles as friends or followers and, if they’re posting regularly, be included or referenced in some of their posts. For example, if you are spending the day together, your partner should not just post pictures of themselves at a location where you were together as if they were there alone. 

It’s important to note that not everyone uses social media to the same extent, and social media use is not the only barometer of relationship health. However, if your boyfriend or girlfriend’s usage of social media makes you uncomfortable in any way, i.e., they are liking or commenting consistently on other singles’ social media posts, or you feel left out, you’re best off listening to your intuition and raising the issue with your partner as soon as possible. You’ll know by their responses where you stand in actuality. 

The same is true of micro-cheating. Though rules for what behaviors are acceptable and which aren’t can vary from relationship to relationship, some behaviors are red flags. Again, if you’re feeling uneasy, have that discussion.     

How to Talk About Relationship Status 

Discussions about relationship status start in your dating profile, whether you use online dating or have hired a matchmaker to guide your search. Whatever profile you create should clearly state your relationship intentions.  

This comes after taking time to fully understand what you want from a relationship and your non-negotiables. This way, if someone tries to get you to move your boundaries and compromise on what’s most important to you, you’ll be less likely to do so when the pressure is on.

Once you are dating someone regularly, don’t be afraid to speak up if you have a question or are unclear about something your partner has said. You must be an advocate for yourself at all times. Unfortunately, not only will people you don’t know put themselves first (it’s human nature), but they can do so at your expense (not human nature but the m.o. for some). Though paying for coffee or a meal is OK, paying for a date with your emotional or physical health is not.  

Final Thoughts 

Not every conversation will be easy or have the outcome you desire. However, knowing where you stand in a relationship means you’re already on your feet, positioned to walk away from a partner who doesn’t suit you and toward one who does.