In dating, the question, “Would you date a man who lives with his parents?” sometimes comes up. Why? Because it’s not unheard of regardless of a man’s age, especially since there can be compelling reasons for it. So, if your position is, “No way would I date a man who lives with his parents,” consider the following and whether you may just want to give the guy a chance.  

It’s part of his culture.  

In many cultures, living in a multigenerational household is not just common; it’s the norm. Therefore, if a man is living with his parents, it doesn’t have to mean he’s doing so because he has to.  

In Chinese culture, for example, grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, and children may all live under one roof. The same is true for Indian families, with everyone taking on a specific role in the home, from cooking to childcare. There are many more examples worldwide.  

The point is that even if the guy and his family now reside in the U.S., they may still be strongly tied to their culture. This includes the American-born guy you met on a dating app who still goes home to his parents and perhaps his grandparents each night.  

Don’t assume he’s broke or a bad guy. His living situation could indicate something quite the contrary — and positive — about him. 

He’s intent on saving money.  

He may be young and just starting out in life, or his divorce (or other life event) may have put him in the position of having to start over. So, to build a strong foundation for himself, he’s decided to share space with Mom and Dad.  

Being fiscally responsible is a commendable trait, so don’t dismiss a guy living with his parents before you have all the facts, including who the roof over his head belongs to. It could be his, his parents, or all of theirs, and he could very well be sharing the rent/mortgage payment, meaning paying his own way. Remember, everyone has a story and a reason for doing things a certain way, including the guy in question.  

He’s caring for a sick parent.  

Midlifers may be part of what’s known as the sandwich generation. This group is generally comprised of those in their forties or fifties (or older) who are now charged with becoming the caretakers of their parents while still having to assume some of the financial burden of their young adult children. This can cause a lot of stress on emotions and one’s bottom line.  

Living under a single roof with an aging or sick parent who needs extra care can help alleviate some of that stress. Again, it doesn’t have to mean the man is home on the couch day after day playing Fortnite.  

He’s recovering from health issues himself.  

Parents and grandparents aren’t the only ones who can suffer from health issues, physical or mental. No one is immune, and the man you’re talking to who’s sleeping in his boyhood bed may also be on the tail end of recovering from a condition and have needed the extra love and support only his immediate family could offer him during a difficult time. Knowing when to seek help and having the courage to ask for it is also a positive.  

It’s temporary. 

A man‘s choice to live with his parents may only be temporary due to a recent divorce, a job change, or a relocation. Keep in mind that he may dislike the idea as much as you do. However, he may understand better than you do the realities of his situation and that the current setup works for him. Again, this is a positive, not a negative.  

Final thoughts … 

Yes, living with a parent or parents as an adult can raise some red flags. Legitimate red flags. The guy could be cheap, broke, emotionally unstable, a criminal, etc. However, you won’t know for sure unless you dig deeper. There are a few ways to do this.  

But before that, it needs to be said: Go with your gut. If you’ve got a bad feeling about the guy, move on, no questions asked.

However, if you feel good about the guy, and the only thing holding you back from dating him is his living situation, it’s time to ask him why he’s living with his parents and how long he intends to do so. Next, ask how it would work logistically should you begin to date more seriously. The tone the guy answers in will be just as telling as the answers he gives. Again, listen to that little voice inside you.  

Dating isn’t often straightforward. Life can be messy and can become even messier as we age. This means no match will ever be perfect. The trick is to figure out what you’re willing to live with, for how long, and what you’re not. A guy living with his parents is just another of these considerations, one which may be important to you and not so important to someone else.