Setting up a first date is an accomplishment. This is especially true if you are new to dating or returning after a hiatus.

In any scenario, it takes guts to set up a date. It demonstrates confidence and a willingness to put yourself out there and get to know someone new better.

But sometimes, you may have second thoughts, which is OK. It can be good to have second thoughts because that could mean your intuition is trying to tell you something. I say “could” because it could also be a fear of dating getting the best of you.

If you’re not sure which, ask yourself the following questions. Then, decide from there whether you should go ahead and cancel that first date or give it the old college try.

1. Is there a bona fide emergency necessitating I cancel?

There are instances where canceling a first date becomes unavoidable, often due to unforeseen emergencies. Health issues, such as feeling sick or having a contagious illness, warrant consideration for both your well-being and that of your date. The same holds for family emergencies, which can demand immediate attention and time.

Whether it’s an unexpected work commitment, a personal crisis, or last-minute logistical challenges like a flat tire, emergencies may arise unexpectedly, requiring a swift decision to reschedule the date. In such situations, communicating honestly (as much as possible without compromising someone else’s privacy) is appropriate.

Most individuals will appreciate you being upfront with them and will be understanding. If they aren’t, consider yourself lucky you learned this about them early on. By communicating with them in this way, you pave the way for potential future connections, including, hopefully, their agreeing to schedule another time to meet.

2. Is there a logistical issue I just can’t get around?

If you have kids, think “babysitter.” It’s every single parent’s nightmare to be ready to walk out the door only to get a call from the babysitter canceling. Even if the babysitter cancels a few hours (or days) before, securing a replacement can be challenging.

Here’s another one: Ex has a work trip and can’t take the kids for the weekend, and it’s “Bye-bye date.”

And another: Partner dumps a work project on you Friday at four.

These are examples of logistical issues.

But if you can get around the logistical issue, do it. It’s what’s considerate since the person you’re meeting may very well have had to hire their own babysitter or scramble all day in preparation to meet you.

Canceling at the last minute unless you absolutely have to is not cool. It can cost the other person precious time and money. Plus, it’s rude if you can actually avoid it.

3. Do I feel uncomfortable or in danger?

Cancel. Period. End of story. Your gut is your friend.

But if you don’t feel like you’re jeopardizing your safety by doing so, let them know you are not showing up. Ghosting is cruel.

Not to mention, if the person you are canceling on is a little weird (again, not threatening to your knowledge), do you really want to aggravate them by being a no-show?

4. Am I canceling because I am not attracted to this person?

This is a tricky one, and you might be inclined to call you making a date and wanting to cancel a case of buyer’s remorse. But unless the person is an ogre, it might be a good idea to go anyway — with an open mind. 

Attraction is subjective. It can also change over time. Think about the person you know who you’d call objectively good-looking but is kind of an assh*le. Yeah, we all know that person. But did you ever think about how the more you got to know them, the less you found them attractive?

Well, the opposite can also happen. You may learn that the not-so-great-looking person has the funniest sense of humor and dry wit you’ve ever heard. They may be wickedly smart, kind, and generous and have achieved great success despite the formidable obstacles they have faced. They may, in other words, be the best surprise you’ve had in a while.

5. Has there been a miscommunication?

It happens; people get their signals crossed. They thought you said this Tuesday when you meant the next one. If there is some kind of miscommunication, do your best to be understanding and, if you can, be accommodating. If you can’t, reschedule and have a do-over. This may just become the story the two of you will laugh about one day as you celebrate your anniversary.