People over 50 are no strangers to love. However, they do appear to be forgoing marriage despite it. 

According to Pew Research Center, approximately three in ten adults in the U.S. aged 50 to 64 and adults 65 and over are single, meaning unmarried, not living together, and not in a romantic relationship. That said, they are dating; of those who said they were looking for love, most said they would be open to a relationship or casual dates, though few said they were only looking for something casual. In 2023, Pew also reported that three in 10 U.S. singles had used a dating app.  

The thing is, when older singles do find their person, they’re not necessarily sealing their union with a kiss — at least not at the altar. In 2019, Bowling Green State University reported that of the 35 million household heads aged 50 and above who were not married, 2.1 million were living together in a cohabiting arrangement. 

So why the apparent reluctance to marry? It could be due to one (or more) of the following reasons.  

Worries Over Another Divorce 

What’s the expression, once bitten, twice shy? The U.S. Census reports that as of 2021, 6.9 out of every thousand women are divorced. Though divorce rates have been trending downward since 2011, they still affect millions of people each year. Since even the most amicable divorces can be unpleasant, not to mention costly, many singles are questioning the point of marriage later in life.     

Other Past Experiences 

Death of a spouse, death of a significant other, a bad break up or series of them, childhood trauma, dating someone with mental illness, you name it, it could sour even the most love-stricken individual on marriage. Or make them less enthusiastic to give it another go.  

Desire to Maintain Freedom 

With marriage often come expectations, for example, monogamy, though people are free to define how they want their marriage to work, in some cases opening it up to others. But for those not looking to face societal expectations, which can vary depending on the community they live in, it can be more comfortable for couples to call their own shots in a committed relationship rather than a marriage. 

Financial Concerns 

Where to begin when discussing the implications marriage can have on an individual’s finances? From the question of whether to co-mingle funds to worries over the accumulation of debt without one spouse’s knowledge, marriage can raise many issues.   

Moreover, if one or both spouses have college-aged kids receiving financial aid, getting married can potentially impact financial aid eligibility, given that it’s dependent on total household income, not which earner is the child’s parent. On a separate note, if a spouse is receiving alimony from their prior marriage, they could lose it if they remarry. The same applies to receiving a former spouse’s social security or military benefits, which could similarly be impacted by marriage. 

Prenuptial agreements and thorough estate planning can provide protections in certain areas, including protecting assets for spouses’ respective intended beneficiaries. However, it would be necessary to speak to an attorney first.  

Health Benefits 

Medicaid eligibility, like many of the financial matters above, can be affected by marriage. The extra income from the spouse not applying for or currently receiving Medicaid and the number of assets they own could negatively impact the applicant or recipient spouse. Again, it’s wise to talk to an attorney who is experienced in healthcare matters before embarking on marriage.  

Pressure From Adult Kids 

Kids, adult kids included, can be funny when it comes to seeing their parents marry someone other than the parent who raised them and may put pressure on their parents not to. Whether they like or dislike the new spouse won’t necessarily matter; they may still have concerns over why their parents are choosing to marry (i.e., what the new person’s intentions are) and what the effect will be on their parents' finances and perhaps the relationship they share with their parents.  

Social Acceptance of Cohabitation 

Hearing that a couple is living together rarely turns heads these days. This is because, even if they see marriage down the road, more and more people are living together before marriage as a way to test the waters. 

In addition, creating a cohabitation agreement, estate planning documents, and a prenuptial agreement in the absence of marriage can offer partners specific legal protections offered by marriage. Again, it’s helpful to speak with a family law attorney for guidance regarding your individual circumstances.    

Lack of Luster 

Marriage traditionally was the gold standard, considered the highest expression of love and commitment. But with the potential for legal protections outside marriage, plus changes in the way society views committed relationships, marriage is not always the shiny new toy people want for their toy box. Or people have been there, done that, and just don’t have the desire to do it again.  

Final thoughts … 

Choosing to commit to marriage is an individual decision as well as a decision made by a couple together. It can also change from partner to partner and over time. Marriage or not, it’s important to remember that true love, unlike marriage, has no bounds. Leaving you free to find, create, and enjoy love as you please.