As someone single and dating, you’ve probably wondered at least a few times when the best time is to say thank you for a date. Before you part ways? A few hours later? The next day? After the other person says it? Even more confusing is when you ask around and hear conflicting advice.  

Having been a matchmaker for more than three decades, I am here to put an end to that confusion and provide a few easy rules to make dating less confusing than it already is. The short answer to the question of when and how to say thank you after a date is it depends. It depends on whether you are the man or the woman or dating someone of the same sex. For the long answer, read on.  

If You Are a Woman Dating a Man 

At the beginning of any relationship, it is the man’s job to pursue and the woman’s job to be pursued. He is the giver; she is the receiver. This goes on until he chooses her to be his girlfriend in an exclusive relationship.  

So, if he invites you on a date, he pays. After a few dates, you can pick up something small, like ice cream, after he takes you to dinner or plans and pays for an activity. He gives, you receive. As the receiver, however, you need to be gracious, and the best way to do this is to say thank you. Beyond that, you owe nothing else. You are not in a relationship. Yet. 

If you want to be in one, and even if you don’t, express your thanks at the end of the date and before parting ways: “Thank you for a wonderful time.” That’s it. If you’d like to see him again, you can add that you had fun. 

Once you part ways, do not text him. Do not call him. And, by all means, do not ask him when you will see each other again. That’s his responsibility, not yours. The only exception to texting him after the date is if he specifically asks you to text him when you get home so he knows you arrived safely. Do so, but do not thank him again. Once was perfect. More than that makes you appear a little too grateful for whatever he has done for you, however nice. Whatever it was, remember that you are worth it. 

If you do not hear from him after your date, regardless of how well you think it went, do not “remind” him you are available by reaching out to thank him again. If he wants you, he knows where to find you. You are worth being courted. 

If You Are a Man Dating a Woman   

If you are a man, study the above to understand your role as the pursuer of a woman you like. If you enjoyed the woman’s company, tell her so at the end of the date: “Thank you for coming to meet me. I had a great time.” 

See to it that she gets home safely by requesting that she text you when she arrives. While she’s on her way home, if you’re interested in her, feel free to send a second text thanking her for a lovely evening. If you want to wait until she texts you when she gets home, thank her for letting you know and again for the nice evening. 

You may be wondering why she only has to text thank you once when you’re still together, but you can text thank you more than once, and that’s because, despite you asking for the date and paying, she gave you something even more valuable: her time and company. If you acknowledge that, you will be setting yourself up for success in securing a second date with her, though there’s no guarantee she will accept. Even so, she will appreciate you taking these actions.  

If it turns out you’re not a match, she could know someone who is or just be inclined to speak favorably about you afterward, so your kindness may go further than you thought.  

If You Are a Same-Sex Couple 

For same-sex dates, the person who asks for the date could be the one who picks up the tab, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be so; both people may choose to split the bill.  

Regardless of who paid, you and the other person gave your time and energy to the date and should thank one another before parting ways. Whoever’s interested in pursuing the relationship should also feel free to reach out by text and send a second thank you if it feels right to do that. The same manners apply here but with less formality around gender.  

Final thoughts … 

There are seldom situations when saying thank you after someone gives or does something for you would be wrong. Saying thank you only becomes complicated when there’s too much of a good thing. 

It’s irrelevant if the relationship is not destined to move forward; say thank you anyway because that’s what people with manners do, and finding someone with manners is a green flag that may indicate there are more green flags to discover. Not only do you want to receive that signal from someone else, but you want to make sure you send it, too. The right person will notice.