The word “situationship” is frequently used to talk about those in-between connections that aren’t “quite” casual dating but not reflective of a serious commitment either. Such relationships can be confusing, especially when they involve sex and intimacy, and leave people wondering where things are going.  

For many, this is a hard place to be, especially as time goes on. Therefore, if you find yourself wondering where you stand with a romantic interest and want to know for sure, follow these steps.  

Assess your feelings and expectations. 

In ambiguous situations, it’s easy to explain away or dismiss what you’re feeling. However, that does not help to get out of a situationship, especially if it’s not working for you.  

If you are unhappy with the current state of your relationship, take a step back and ask yourself why. Assess your feelings and be honest with yourself about what you expect from a relationship and what you want from this relationship, now situationship, that you’re in currently.   

Initiate a conversation.  

Once you figure out what you want and what you’re missing with the person you’re seeing, start an honest conversation with them about the state of your relationship.  

Calmly share your feelings and expectations with them, giving them ample time to respond. Listen without becoming agitated if they should tell you something you don’t want to hear or weren’t expecting to hear. Chances are, you won’t be able to change their mind, and having an angry outburst will generally only make matters worse.  

Define the parameters of the situationship. 

Should you decide to march on with your existing relationship, or some form of it, define how your situationship will look. If the other person agrees, stick to the rules you’ve created, even if they try to get you to bend.  

Deviating from the terms you’ve set will only cause you heartache unless you both agree to revamp your agreement. You should both be on the same page about any changes you make.  

Evaluate your long-term compatibility. 

Healthy relationships evolve. Situationships typically don’t because one person is happy with maintaining the status quo. If you are the other person, the one who’s looking for clarification and a roadmap toward a “real” relationship, assess whether being in a situationship aligns with your personal values and goals.  

Clarify whether the potential exists for a more committed relationship and if you could be happy not growing into such a commitment while continuing to see this person. If it’s long-term compatibility you seek, and they are not willing to give that to you, consider moving on to find someone who will.   

A word to the wise: Take maybe as a no. Never, never waste time waiting for someone to choose you. Someone who wants you and a life with you will let you know. Often, the only way to get a person who’s wavering to decide is to leave. You will have your answer if they allow you to go and don’t try to get you back.

Make a decision and take action. 

Once you have a conversation and gather all your facts, decide whether you want to continue with this person or end the situationship. In theory, it should be an easy choice if someone isn’t giving you what you want and deserve. However, the reality is that emotions can be strong and won’t always direct you to what’s in your best interests. So, you must be strong and stay true to yourself.  

With that in mind, implement changes based on your own needs and desires, not the other person’s. It won’t be easy and may very well be painful. But you need to send packing what — and whom — is not serving you and make room for what — or whom — will.  

Final thoughts … 

People don’t generally plan to be in a situationship but sometimes wake up and find themselves in one. But as the name implies, a situationship is exactly what it sounds like: a situation. Meaning, it doesn’t have to be forever.  

You and you alone can change your surroundings and the people you surround yourself with. Just not the people themselves.