Covid-19 has been a lifestyle-changer in many ways, causing people to gain what's colloquially now known as the Covid 19, a take on the Freshman 15 experienced by many entering college students. In a recent survey of 3,000 people conducted by the American Psychological Association, 61 percent of respondents said they had gained weight as a result of the pandemic.  

It's not surprising. To keep ourselves and our families safe, we retreated to our homes for work and school. Social events became limited to the household and, later, small groups. We cooked more and also ate more. We went for lots of walks. However, it wasn't always enough, and many couples soon found themselves facing a partner who looked different from just a year or so earlier.  

For some couples, weight gain has become a source of tension. When combined with the "relationship weight" couples often gain during their first few years together, these weight-conscious individuals are finding they're no longer as attracted to their partner the way they were, a difficult realization to have about the person you love and may believe is your forever. 

On another note, couples who, pre-pandemic, enjoyed a shared interest in certain physical activities, such as hiking or running, are now coming to terms with a partner who, because of weight gain, is unable to keep up. This, too, is creating distance in relationships where none existed before. 

Weight is a delicate topic to raise, particularly with the person you love. It's both difficult to say something about someone else's weight, as well as to be the one hearing it. So, the first question you have to ask yourself when your partner brings up your weight is: How are they approaching the topic? 

Conversations about weight should bolster self-esteem, not destroy it. 

No matter your size, your partner should bolster your self-esteem and make you feel beautiful. If they're disparaging your appearance and belittling you, it likely follows that other aspects of your relationship are fundamentally flawed.  

If your partner is criticizing the way you look, their insults are usually not just tied to your weight. Their criticisms could be linked to anything from their lack of self-esteem (including their own weight gain), a porn addiction causing them to have unrealistic expectations about the way people who aren't porn stars look, and good old-fashioned shallowness.  

Regardless of the reason, your partner shouldn't put you down. If the manner in which your partner brings up your weight makes you feel insecure or bad, communicate this to them. Remind them that insults aren't often an effective technique for inciting positive change. Neither is nagging. It usually has the opposite effect, and if they continue, it will likely result in you becoming less attracted to them.  

A partner who loves you for you should never want to make you feel bad. So pay attention to your partner's responses during your conversation. 

Consider the truth in your partner's words. 

If your partner is mentioning your weight out of concern, meaning you interpret from their remarks that they care in earnest about your health and not how they look with you on their arm and that they want you to feel your best for your sake, then consider the truth in their words. Keep in mind it's difficult to stand idly by as someone you care about neglects their health. 

That said, I understand how hearing from someone else that you've gained weight, especially if it's the person who's supposed to love you unconditionally, can hurt. However, sometimes it takes another person to give us the wake-up call we need.    

What should you tell your partner if you're happy with your weight and are not interested in dieting? 

Of course, the motivation to lose weight has to come from you. Losing weight because someone else wants you to will probably not work, at least in the long term. Not to mention, over time, it may cause you to resent the person suggesting you diet.  

So, if you're not looking to lose weight and are satisfied with your body at its current size, communicate that to your partner. One point I must make, though, is that if you don't lose weight and your partner has voiced their concerns because they're no longer attracted to you due to the weight you've gained, your relationship could be in jeopardy.  

The question to ask yourself next is whether you care. You always have the option to find someone who will love you the way you are. They, too, have the option to find someone that they're attracted to. Love is a two-way street. Therefore, at this point, you need to make a decision.   

Lean on your partner for support in your weight loss and lifestyle journey.  

If you do have the will to lose weight, implement specific lifestyle changes to improve your overall health rather than couching your intended transformation as about weight loss alone. After all, there are many different ways to lose weight, not all of them healthy.  

In addition, consider asking your partner to join you on your lifestyle journey. That way, you can lean on them for support, and they can lean on you if they want to make any changes, too.  

You can also make them accountable for their behavior and how it could affect your weight loss goals. In a relationship, many couples don't realize how the habits of one partner can impact the other.  

So if, for example, your partner likes to eat dinner on the late side, suggest you both eat earlier or eat that meal independently. Rather than ordering takeout, cook healthy meals at home. Swap out lazy nights on the couch for going for power walks or a run side by side. Go to sleep earlier. 

By implementing lifestyle changes together, you each become responsible for yourself and for the person you love. Accountability has the wonderful effect of causing couples to become laser-focused on being better partners. When that happens, the pounds will eventually disappear. Even better, so will the tension.