There are various ways to maximize your dating experience in midlife. Among those are writing a well-thought-out dating profile that describes you and who you’re looking for while telling a story, taking a recent and representative selection of photos for your dating profile, widening your search, and doing what you can to look and feel your best. Though these efforts are all worth your time and energy, there is one exercise you need to engage in above all else to achieve dating success after age 50. And that is to redefine your relationship goals now that you’re at this new and exciting chapter in your life.  

As humans, we are constantly evolving, and as we do, our needs and wants change. In midlife, we have many experiences behind us that have shaped who we are today. Those experiences, those accomplishments, whether with family, career, personal development, or all of the above, likely will mean that what you are looking for now in a partner is different from what you were looking for in our twenties, thirties, or forties — whenever you were last single. With this in mind, here are a few questions to ask yourself as you evaluate and potentially redefine your relationship goals according to who you are today.  

Do you want to get married? 

The life you’ve led up to now, changing norms, and the impact a new marriage could have on your life, including on your financial picture, are all factors that can play into whether you would consider marriage. Marriage during midlife could be as wonderful as it is complicated. Since not everyone’s tolerance level is the same, not everyone will be up for it.  

When considering the type of relationship you want now, examine the factors that would give a prospect a green light and which would give a prospect a red one. Also, consider whether you want to be tied to someone legally and potentially religiously. Just because you were at one time in your life doesn’t mean you will want to be today.   

What type of commitment are you looking for? 

If not marriage, what level of commitment would make you comfortable? For many people in midlife and beyond, a committed partnership is still the goal. That, too, can look like many things. You can be in a committed relationship while sharing a home or maintaining your own space. You can also enter a committed partnership in some states with certain legal protections. 

There are likewise different levels of commitment; you may choose no commitment or have an open relationship where you and your partner(s) devise your own rules. You may also decide to explore your sexuality with same-sex partners. Whatever you choose doesn’t matter as long as you’ve thought about what you find acceptable and what would be off the table.  

Would you consider someone whose beliefs, values, habits, and family life differ from yours? 

Politics, religion, and drinking habits are all worth considering when looking for a new partner. If you absolutely wouldn’t date someone with a differing political viewpoint or someone outside your religion, you need to be honest with yourself and others. No one wants to spend time with someone they know won’t like them or won’t take them seriously as a relationship prospect.  

If you appreciate wine, for example, it may become a sticking point if someone you meet doesn’t drink. Or, if you’ve raised your children and are ready to travel regularly, but someone you’re considering dating is still deep in the throes of dealing with their teens and cannot traverse the globe for months at a time, this person may not be compatible, even though they may have been a few years earlier when, you, too, were raising kids. Bottom line: You could be the same age as someone else, yet your lifestyles could differ immensely.  

What would you be willing to sacrifice for a partner? 

This last question might raise some eyebrows. But the question remains: Should we expect to sacrifice aspects of a life we’ve worked so hard to build for a new partner? The answer is maybe. 

The reality is that no potential partner you meet will check every box. It’s just not possible, and it’s not because you’re over 50. The same was true when you were dating when you were younger, and there appeared to be fewer entanglements.  

While that may have been true in certain respects, even young daters have their challenges: their childhood, quirks, and aspirations that could affect their timing for entering a relationship. But when someone, you or anyone else, takes a leap of faith to give a relationship a try, something usually has to give, even a little.  

Time is not unlimited, and there will always need to be sacrifices on both partners’ parts to make any relationship work. How many sacrifices and to what degree will be up to you to decide. And whether that person you’ve set your sights on is not just worth it but would do the same for you.