One of the hardest parts of online dating is how much time and effort you have to put in, sometimes for what feels like little to no gain. You must spend time going through potential matches and talking with all sorts of people, often only to be met with a lackluster response, no response, or a date that goes nowhere.

According to a recent article in Slate, for some, the answer is AI. Such pioneers of the dating world use AI to help automate the process, including coming up with clever pick-up lines they believe will be more likely to gain interest. They also use AI to weed out potential suitors using a chatbot. As I’ve discovered, it’s even possible to use AI to come up with a dating profile written in the tone of a Taylor Swift song if you are into that sort of thing. 

As intriguing as these new technological “advances” sound at first, they are anything but that, given how there can be no substitute for the human experience when it comes to finding and vetting matches. AI, as intelligent as it is, can only do so much. 

AI can make it feel easier to be on dating apps, at least for a while, as well as make it more entertaining, though the novelty of these experiments does get old, too, and fast. But what will continue to be true is that you need people — from matchmakers, dating strategists, and, of course, singles themselves — at the core of every dating experience to make it worthwhile. Here’s why.

AI is just a tool.

Just like the dating apps themselves, AI is a tool. It can help support matchmaking, not become the matchmaker. The human aspect of matching, finding a partner, then keeping one will always remain integral to dating. After all, you have to live with the person you choose and who chooses you — all without the aid of AI. 

The point of dating apps is to find someone you have a connection with. So, once you do that, you want to get off the app as soon as possible. This is true for AI; if you use AI, you should have an express purpose and a timeline for its use. 

Maybe you struggle with coming up with an eye-catching dating profile and want AI to help get you started, or you don’t have confidence in the dating profile you wrote, so you prompt AI to embellish it. These tasks can be helpful.

However, for the best results, your use of AI should remain within the limited scope you set so you don’t become over-reliant on it. Remember, you, not AI, will be dating the people you match with, which is why …

You still need to know what you want.

An important detail to remember is that AI is not all-knowing. It relies on data and user input to be effective. For instance, if you want an opening line about hiking, you first must be in touch with your interests in hiking and your tone relative to those interests. If you’re not, the output won’t sound like you. 

The same goes for automating the swiping process. AI depends on what you tell it, meaning that you need to know what type of person you are looking for and what characteristics you’re searching for in that person. You also need to know what your dealbreakers are. 

Another significant issue with AI is its capacity to misinterpret information fed to it and, as a result, prioritize one characteristic over another in a way you wouldn’t have. AI doesn’t — and can’t — have your best interests at heart because it doesn’t have a heart.

The ability to be discerning will continue to fall on you even if you use AI, so it might be better to skip it altogether. Otherwise, you risk AI sending you in the wrong direction — toward an unsuitable match or away from a great one. It’s less likely that your instincts and judgments or those of a matchmaking professional and dating strategist you trust will steer you wrong because instincts and judgments are rooted in the human experience and our natural pull toward meaningful connections.

Human connection is crucial.

It’s impossible to replicate human connection, so you must develop the skills to connect with potential matches in the real world without the assistance of AI. When you connect to a potential partner through AI, an intermediary acts between you and the other person. Like the game of telephone, AI makes it easy to get your signals crossed and miss opportunities to connect on a deeper level.

Even if you match using AI as part of the process, you need to connect emotionally with your partner if you want a relationship to grow. An opening line created by AI might not hamper this, but continued conversation facilitated by AI can make it so that when you arrive at your first date, you’re not sure how to interact with the person in front of you. Or you might come off differently from AI’s presentation of you who your date interacted with, leaving you both confused. Bottom line: Without human connection, there’s no real relationship.

Final thoughts …

Minimizing the dating experience to the constraints of AI obviates the reason people date in the first place — to find love, companionship, and connection while having fun. These are uniquely human emotions and desires, which can never be understood by what’s not human. That said, AI can help with specific aspects of dating when used pointedly and responsibly. 

But regardless of how you choose to use AI to enhance your dating experience, if at all, one thing remains certain: You are in charge of your own dating experience. You control what you input into AI and how you use the information you receive. As in any other dating experience, you get what you give.