Be careful about listening to gossip. Here’s why.  

You’re dating someone you kind of like. The relationship is new, so new that you haven’t even told your friends yet. You have a really good connection, they treat you well, and you’re excited to see where things are going.  

Then, BAM! Your friends weigh in about your new love interest, except not in a good way. Instead, they tell you something bad about the person — a story they heard, an incident from their divorce, something about their career. 

The information doesn’t sit well with you. Not only because what you heard is negative but also because it doesn’t make sense given what you know about this individual from your interactions with them. So what should you do? 

Address it.  

Well, first off, you should address it with them. “Hey, I heard this the other day and thought maybe you should know.” Make sure not to accuse. Don’t interrogate. Bring it up casually, in a public place where you also can speak with some privacy.  

Then wait for their response. Let them tell you their side of the story. Because there are always two sides, and more often three—theirs, whoever else was a part of the interaction you heard about, and the truth.  

You should be able to glean a lot just from their demeanor and initial response. Are they angry? Do they deny it? Do they say it’s true but want a chance to explain? Your only job at this point is to listen and evaluate their words. Which is why you want to … 

Stay open-minded.    

Though the gossip may be founded in truth or have truthful parts, it can also be false or a misinterpretation. Depending on what it is, such as the retelling of an interaction that took place during a past relationship, keep in mind that every relationship is different. People can behave differently with different partners. 

Of course, if the gossip has to do with abuse, take the information seriously and consider that it could be true. Individuals who are abusive in one relationship may be that way in another. This is where your judgment comes in, so with that in mind … 

Listen to your gut. 

More than any information you receive from others — your gut, your intuition, that “feeling” you have — will tell you everything you need to know. And that is to stay or go. The problem is we ignore that voice inside of us too often because we want to believe otherwise.  

When we make a decision that doesn’t work out for us, the moment we look back, we usually find there were signs that we missed along the way. The biggest sign often came from us, something inside of us that said to do things one way, yet we chose another.  

However, if your gut tells you it’s OK to continue developing a relationship with the person you’re dating, even amid the rumors, there is something you can do to protect your relationship. And that is to …   

Keep your connection close to the vest.  

Keep a low profile. Don’t splash your new relationship all over social media, and refrain from discussing this amazing connection you have with your friends, acquaintances, and the person in front of you on line at CVS. At least for a while. The more you go public with your new relationship, the greater the likelihood you have of exposing yourself to idle gossip. 

If you do become a couple, and you both choose to become more vocal about your relationship in the future, you will have a better foundation to withstand any rumors should they come back to you. Also, keep in mind that how public you are about your relationship communicates very little about the quality of your relationship. In fact, many of the strongest relationships fly under the radar.  

That’s not to say no one knows about them. They do. But these couples understand that outside forces can weigh on even the most solid couples. Don’t believe me? Look at all the celebrity relationships that fail because they couldn’t survive the stress of being in the spotlight. And the gossip.  

Be careful. 

As I mentioned earlier, be careful about confronting the person you’re dating about any gossip you’ve heard. You want to do it in a place where, if the person behaves not as you would have expected, you’re safe.  

You want to be careful when you date someone new. Period. Vet every person you date or have a professional help you the way I can. The vetting process can include asking around about them or listening to what you hear through the grapevine.  

That said, also be careful about what you hear through the grapevine. The information doesn’t have to be true, or there could be reasons why it is. So keep an open mind until your gut tells you not to.  

And, finally, if you need further guidance, don’t be afraid to ask for it. That’s what good friends are there for. Not to mention a matchmaker like me who just loves it when people gossip about her, saying, “She helped yet another couple find love.”