Back in the day, meaning if you’re middle-aged (or older) your parent’s day, living with your partner before marriage was pretty rare. Nowadays, however, what’s rarer is you being part of a couple not living with your partner before tying the knot.  

According to 2019 research from Pew, 59 percent of adults between 18 and 44 have experienced cohabitation with an unmarried partner at some stage in their lives, while 50 percent have entered into matrimony. In contrast, in 2002, 54 percent of adults within this age range had experienced cohabitation at some point, while 60 percent had tied the knot. 

Most adults aged 18 to 44 who have engaged in cohabitation (62 percent) have shared their lives with just a single partner, while 38 percent have had the experience of living with two or more partners throughout their lives. So, depending on who you talk to, you’ll likely get differing opinions on the subject, with those individuals pointing out the good, the bad, and the ugly that can come from living with your partner before marriage. But what exactly is that?  

The Benefits of Living Together Before Marriage 

One of the most noteworthy benefits of living together before marriage is that you get to do a trial run of whether you and your partner, including your lifestyles, are compatible. By living together in the same house, sleeping in the same bedroom, eating in the same kitchen, and sharing the same bathroom, you’ll get a birds-eye view of what the rest of your life (till death do you part) might look like. 

Does your partner snore? Do they leave dishes in the sink? Is their laundry piling up? Do they collect drinking glasses on the coffee table? Even more than that, how adept are you and they at letting each other know what quirks and habits annoy you and coming up with a workable solution so you can co-exist in peace?  

Another significant benefit of living together is the opportunity to see if gender equality lives in your home, meaning are you and your partner sharing chores and other household responsibilities equitably? And again, are you and your partner open enough with each other to discuss and work toward the resolution of the conflicts you have in this area?

Living together also has its financial benefits. Couples who cohabitate can share household expenses. They can also see firsthand how well their partner handles money, including whether their partner can create a budget and stick to it. Couples can also learn a lot about their partner’s values around money.

Finally, couples who live together can see how ready their partner is for this step since it’s become a reality rather than something to aspire to. So, now that you’re in it, ask yourself: Is your partner emotionally ready for this step? Are they prepared to work through adult issues as they arise and to express vulnerability? Are you? Living under the same roof sets the stage for more intimate moments, and you want to make sure you’re both ready emotionally to deepen your relationship.

The Drawbacks of Living Together Before Marriage 

Living with a partner before marriage is not without its drawbacks. Remember that old saying, “No one’s going to buy the cow if they can get the milk for free”? What it speaks to is the potential that exists for complacency; if someone is getting what they want from you (i.e., sex, intimacy, financial benefits, etc.) without having to give much to you, most importantly the level of commitment you’re looking for, they might take the relationship for granted. 

By you or your partner getting most of the perks of marriage without being married, it could lessen the significance the institution holds. If you’re looking forward to having that fairy tale wedding you always dreamed of, living together beforehand might not be the best way to get it.

On another note, not everyone has the same values about living together before marriage. Depending on where you live and your social circles, living together before marriage could put you in the hot seat with family members, friends, and even the community in which you live. Are you and your partner prepared to face that? Such judgments could stem from cultural and religious beliefs, so if you care about what others think and say, consider your environment in your decision-making.

Factors to Consider When Deciding Whether to Live With Your Partner Before Marriage

The choice to live with a partner before marriage is not one to make lightly. There are (or should be) many factors that you should consider before making this leap. 

How will living with your partner align with your values and beliefs? To find out many people living together and contemplating marriage attend premarital counseling with clergy. There also exist secular classes devoted to premarital planning. 

Another critical question to ask is whether living together would be in furtherance of your long-term relationship goals. Or do your reasons for taking this step lie elsewhere, such as to share financial responsibilities? Before taking this next step and moving in together, communicate your expectations and concerns and listen to the same from your partner. 

Finally, there could be legal and financial implications for living together depending on where you reside. Therefore, speaking with an attorney and financial advisor who can advise you about your situation is crucial.

Final Thoughts …

The question of whether you should live with your partner before marriage is a personal one. Though you can seek advice from various sources, ultimately, there’s no one-size-fits-all answer. 

However, after ample consideration and discussion with your partner, you can move forward feeling better that the decision you’re making is the right one for you at this time. But if it turns out that it isn’t, you and your partner can always go your separate ways, at least with the comfort of knowing that you didn’t waste a lot of money — and calories — on wedding cake.