So you've found a match, gone on several dates, have had the talk of becoming exclusive, and now you are soundly in a relationship. The next question you find yourself asking is, "Are they the One?" It's certainly a loaded question, as there's much debate about whether there is only One during a lifetime.

Given that I counsel women and men who are at mid-life, after they've gone through life changes that include divorce, becoming a widow or widower, and ending a long-term partnership, I've heard various idealizations of the One. Many people come to me believing that a singular individual exists somewhere in the world who's their soulmate.

While I think this notion can be romantic, I also believe it can be constricting and misleading because clients may write off potential matches due to imperfections, conflating their overlooking some of these faults with settling for less than perfect.

In any practical respect, a relationship will never fit perfectly. For that reason, you shouldn't look to date someone who's the same in every area as you. Everyone is different, and part of being in a relationship is loving and accepting the differences between you and your partner. There will always be a few deal-breakers, but not every difference should be one.

Both partners must also possess the will to cater to each other's needs and wishes to form a healthy, long-term relationship, a relationship in which each individual can envision spending the foreseeable future with the other. Notice I said foreseeable. Forever is a long time and may feel like too much pressure for some.

Another consequence of a singular notion of the One: if a relationship ends, the heartbreak will feel particularly catastrophic. If you believe your ex is the One and only, you may feel as though you'll never be complete again, which I have found to be untrue.

I specialize in matchmaking for individuals over the age of 50, and what my clients have shown me is that it's never too late to find love — and fall in love — again. So, how will you know if you've found your next One?

You make each other feel happy and secure.

The first question to ask yourself about a relationship is: Are you happy? If the answer is yes, that's a good sign. If not, then you need to ask yourself if there's something you can do to repair the relationship to make yourself happy or if you need to scrap it altogether. Relationships take work, even with the One.

The difference is that, with the One, you're happy to put that work in. You keep doing the little things, such as asking about each other's day, making time to see each other, and reaffirming your love for each other, as well as the big things, like standing by your partner if they become sick or lose their job because you want to.

When you're in a relationship with the One, there's no question of whether you love each other. You can tell by their actions that your partner cares deeply for you, and you feel secure that your partner won't disappear on you when times get tough. You feel the same way about them.

You love and respect each other's differences.

In the infatuation period of a new relationship, you may put your partner on a pedestal. But, as time goes on and you get to know your partner better, the infatuation will wear off. It's then you'll need to assess what's left.

As you get close to your partner and understand all of their quirks and flaws and realize they're not perfect, do you accept them for who they are? When your partner is the One, you tolerate their faults and respect the differences between you. You love them, not the idea of them.

You care about each other's lives.

When you love someone, you want to know what's going on in their lives outside of your relationship. This may translate to you taking an interest in your partner's professional life or wanting to get to know their friends and family.

You also keep in regular contact and are sure to ask about what's going on in their lives. However, it also means they demonstrate a similar interest in you, suggesting they do more than send the occasional text wishing you to have a good day.

You can lean on each other for support.

While it's good to have fun in a relationship, relationships are more than just for going out to dinner and on cute day trips because the truth is you can have fun with just about anyone. What makes a relationship special is the bond you form with your partner. You go from one person (I/me) to a team (we/us).

You and your partner will inevitably face hard times during your relationship. When you're the person going through a rough time, you can depend on the One to support you. But, it's worth repeating that relationships are a two-way street: when your partner is going through a rough time, they'll expect to depend on you for support, too.

Some people may shut down from the world (and you) during times of adversity, which presents a foundational conflict because, when you're in a relationship with the One, you're a team: your problems are their problems, and their problems are your problems. If you can't be vulnerable and help each other through conflicts in your relationship, what's the point?

You have similar long-term goals.

The One should be your partner for the long haul, indicating you're compatible in the present and future. Consider the following scenario. 

You and your partner both live in the same city now. But you know you want to settle down and have children in a few years. However, your partner wants to travel the world and get married much later in life and perhaps not have children at all. While everything is good now, the difference in long-term goals could doom the relationship.

For your partner to be the One, you should have similar plans for your future, even if that future is retirement. Can you plan for the rest of your life with your current partner?

You're their One, too.

I believe this is the most important item on this list. Your partner may be your One, but are you theirs? Meaning, do they love and cherish you just as much as you do them? Are they excited by the prospect of being with you for a long time? Or are they lukewarm to you, passing the time in the relationship until their One comes along?

Unrequited love is painful, and people in an emotionally unbalanced relationship may stay in denial for a long time. But that hurts both partners, with neither of them getting what they want and need from the relationship. Therefore, you must ask yourself if you're willing to settle for what often amounts to breadcrumbs, those bite-sized pieces of love, which, of course, aren't love because we don't love each other piecemeal.

When you're with the One, you don't need to question if you're their One because they demonstrate to you every day how they appreciate and love you. All of you.