One of the most exciting parts of dating someone new is getting to know them and eventually deciding whether this potential match is for you. Very early on, after the first date or two, if you're not feeling it, you may not text anymore and part ways.

But what happens when you've been on several dates? Or you have been talking for a few weeks and realize you are incompatible, but the other person seems all into it — and you? This situation is unlike the first date, when you may mutually "ghost" each other. In this situation, one of you has already become somewhat invested.

In this "gray area," it may feel as though no breakup method (text, in person, or ghosting) will ever feel appropriate or respectful, making you want to take the path of least resistance, aka the easy way out. So you think ghosting it is!

No. As a matchmaker, the gray area is an issue I know well because my clients, like all daters, must contend with it, too. When they ask me for advice on how to break things off respectfully, here's what I say.

When rejecting someone you've been dating, don't ghost.

I believe that ghosting is just about one of the most disrespectful things you could do to someone, even if you've only been on a few dates. Think about it from the other person's point of view. You're still very early on in your relationship, talking to each other and casually dating, getting to know each other better. Chances are, then, the other person still has their rose-colored glasses on, meaning, if you suddenly ghost, you'd be ripping their hope away, possibly leaving your potential match hurt and confused, wondering what could have been.

Instead, tell this person the truth: you don't want to continue seeing them and want to be upfront about it. Ideally, you should break things off in person. However, if you've only met up once or twice but have been talking regularly on the phone, then breaking things off over the phone is fine. I would avoid ending things over text; I believe it's cowardly because a text allows you to drop the breakup bomb on someone without having to witness any of the fallout.

Given the ongoing pandemic, it's also understandable not to want to meet up in person to break things off, even if you already went on a few socially distant COVID-19 dates, just because there's always a risk involved. Though a phone call may come off as weak and is arguably not the most polite means to communicate your intentions given your prior interactions, in this instance, I would say it's OK because everyone's health should still be a top priority. 

When breaking up, meet up in a neutral setting with an easy exit.

If you choose to meet in person to have the breakup conversation, the location you meet at is as important for your comfort as it is for theirs. Especially for a relationship that has not progressed too far, I would not recommend meeting somewhere isolated, most notably either of your homes. Apart from it being potentially awkward, especially if one of you asks the other person to leave, it could be dangerous. The reality is you don't know this person well and don't know how they will react.

Instead, meet somewhere open and public, like a coffee shop or park. This way, you can get there, say what you need to say, and once the conversation is over, leave. I wouldn't recommend breaking things off over lunch or dinner either because, whether you decide to end things at the beginning of the meal or the end, it could be stomach-turning.

If you still go the restaurant route, have the conversation when you first sit down, before ordering any drinks or food, so you don't end up feeling chained to the table for an hour trying to make awkward small talk as you both wonder who should grab the check. Hint: If you're the one doing the breaking up, it should be you.

Alternatively, breaking up at the end of the meal can prove difficult, too. The lead-up conversation for an hour beforehand may result in you losing your nerve. Or leave your date feeling like you spent the entire length of the meal feigning interest. One minute, you were interested in how the day went, and the next, you're dumping them. In short, don't linger with your date after your breakup conversation is over.

To plan an in-person breakup, pick a location convenient for the person you've been dating.

When using online dating, you and the person you're seeing may not necessarily live that close to each other. Choosing a place near you for the breakup may mean your date must travel, incurring both time and expense. If you're meeting to have what may be only a 10-minute conversation, why make them go through the trouble of commuting to you?

The respectful thing to do would be to make the location of the meetup convenient for your date. You're the one looking to end things, so you should go to the trouble of picking somewhere near where your date lives, so at least it's not a long or potentially expensive way back home after he or she gets the bad news.

While breaking up with someone, watch what you say.

Rejection can be challenging for people to grasp, so be kind in the way you word your breakup conversation. Let this person know why you're ending things. If, for instance, you realize that you each have different long-term goals, then say that.

But if you're breaking up because you realized you aren't attracted or don't like them, be careful about saying that specifically. You don't want to tear this person down, so consider leading the discussion with something about personal incompatibility instead. You also don't want to criticize them, causing any additional pain and self-doubt. They will have enough as it is.

How you manage the hits and misses will define the kind of dater you are. Not to mention, next time, it very well may be you who's sitting at the other side of the table. What goes around comes around.