If you’re single, you may have heard that it’s a good idea to have a wingman or wingwoman in your life, especially when you’re out at a bar, restaurant, or locale where there are other singles. Well, you heard correctly.  

However, not everyone is qualified to hold the title. Like any other job, the person applying for it or being recruited by you must be qualified first. Picking the wrong person could actually decrease your chances of making a connection.      

So who do you pick to be your wingman or wingwoman? Here are a few things to look for. 

1. They make a good first impression. 

First impressions are everything. Therefore, the person you are with should make a good one. Everything they say and do reflects directly on you. After all, you’re out with them, and the power of association is strong.  

For example, if the person you’re with acts crass or has a sloppy appearance, you risk anyone you meet who doesn’t know you personally seeing you in the same light. Even if they don’t, the very fact you’re friends with this person could be cause for concern, if not be the reason why they walk away. 

Think of your wingman or wingwoman as a potential barrier to entry. In a good way, they’re there to protect you from those who may not be good for you. However, if they’re not giving off the right vibe, they could keep you from meeting those who are good for you. 

2. They keep their wingman (wingwoman) role on the down-low. 

Being a good wingman or wingwoman means being discreet about their function. They’re not a bouncer, after all, or your P.R. agent.  

Their value rests in them making you feel more relaxed as well as making connections where you may feel too shy or too inhibited to do so yourself. This brings me to my next point.  

3. They’re social butterflies. 

You know you’ve found a suitable wingman or wingwoman when that person is comfortable striking up easy conversation with anyone and everyone. They know a little about a lot of things. They’re good conversationalists, which means they’re good listeners, too.  

They like to chat people up and bring multiple people into a conversation. They’re inclusive and don’t feel the need to monopolize an exchange, making them the center of it. Most of all, they’re happy to make introductions.  

4. They’re the perfect amount of persuasive. 

A good wingman or wingwoman has a high E.Q. They can read people and situations well. So if they’re trying to chat someone up, but that person appears uninterested, they know it’s time to move on. They know rejection is part of life and don’t sweat it.   

On the other hand, if they see a spark of interest, they run with it. But they do so without becoming too pushy or creepy. Instead, they ingratiate themselves in just the right amount. 

5. They’re involved romantically and happy with their situation.  

The best wingman or woman, and perhaps the most important characteristic they can have, is that they’re high on dating. They’re positive about romantic relationships, likely because they’ve seen the power of a healthy one firsthand. Even better if it’s in the present. 

Both points are critical. The first, because positive people send out positive energy. What could be more powerful than someone who believes in love? The second, because you don’t need competition by your side. That never makes for a fun, relaxing environment, which is the best kind to meet someone in. 

People involved in happy, healthy relationships themselves know that a strong relationship is the root of their happiness and want those they care about to experience the same. So it bodes well for them advocating harder on your behalf.  

Your wingman or wingwoman should also be a little selfish — but in a good way. They should know great couples friends are hard to find and want you and your future love for dinner plans and mixed doubles.