Sexual dysfunction has more than one meaning. According to Planned Parenthood, “Sexual dysfunction is when you have trouble having sex or enjoying sex, AND this bothers you.” Sexual dysfunction, sometimes called sexual disorder, is very common. If you have sexual dysfunction, you’re not alone.   

Because sexual dysfunction is so prevalent, especially with age, it’s likely you’ll meet someone who’s suffering from it, too. This reality makes it ever so important to learn about and understand it, including what it’s like to date when you have sexual dysfunction. Here’s what you need to know. 

An Overview of Sexual Dysfunction

The basis for your understanding of sexual dysfunction should be that it doesn’t define your self-worth or your ability to find and enjoy a fulfilling romantic relationship. Notice I said romantic relationship. That’s because you can have one, even with sexual dysfunction. 

There are different types of sexual dysfunction. These can include low libido, premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, and pain during intercourse, among others. The causes can also vary; its roots can be emotional, physical, and psychological.

But regardless of the origin, sexual dysfunction is a medical condition similar to any other and doesn’t reflect on your level of attractiveness or your capacity to make a good partner. The right partner will recognize this. If someone doesn’t, then be happy you saved yourself the time and trouble.    

Developing Self-Confidence Outside of the Bedroom

When dating with sexual dysfunction, try and remember your sexual performance is only part of what will make you attractive to a potential partner. With this understanding, don’t make your sexual dysfunction the focal point of your life. Instead, see your life holistically and continue living it. 

In support of this goal, develop new skills, hobbies, and passions. Focus on the qualities and strengths you possess that make you a good partner. Think honest, trustworthy, funny, smart, a good friend, dependable, and more. Ask yourself: What is it that you can bring to a new relationship?

As part of your esteem-building (and maintenance), find a mental health professional who has experience counseling those with issues relating to sexual dysfunction. In addition, build a support system of friends who can empathize with what you’re going through and provide constructive advice as you move along in your dating journey and life. If no one immediately comes to mind, consider joining a support group for those who have sexual dysfunction.  

How to Disclose Your Sexual Dysfunction in a New Relationship

The question of when to tell someone about a medical condition, be it sexual dysfunction, diabetes, or cancer, is one that plagues a lot of singles. Should you disclose it in your dating profile? On the first date? When you get to know each other? 

I’m a firm believer in the latter. As a cancer survivor myself, who met my husband after I beat cancer, I understand the importance of privacy and developing trust before feeling comfortable disclosing sensitive personal information. You can read more on the subject here.

But when the time does come to disclose your sexual dysfunction to a partner, one you’ve established an emotional connection with, there are ways to approach the topic that will make the conversation easier. 

Communication, Communication, Communication

I cannot stress enough the importance of open and honest communication with potential and current partners. When you feel the time is right and that this is the right person with whom to share your condition, do so in a matter-of-fact way. Explain in a setting where you both feel safe and have a modicum of privacy to speak that you like them and that, at this point in your evolving relationship, there’s something you would like to discuss. 

Once you explain your condition, encourage your partner to express their feelings and ask questions. Be prepared that their initial response might not be one you’re expecting or happy with. People can surprise you in both wonderful and not-so-wonderful ways. Still, this is the reason for your conversation at this juncture — so that you can gauge the future of your relationship, given that your partner now has this new piece of information. 

Be understanding of your partner as well, as the information you’re sharing with them could come as a surprise. Don’t expect too much too soon from them. Your partner will likely need time to process what you’re telling them, so keep your expectations in check. 

Educating Your Partner About Sexual Dysfunction

As someone dating with sexual dysfunction, the burden will be on you to know as much about your condition as you can, including keeping up with medical appointments and changes in your medical status. You should also stay on top of any developments of solutions for your particular sexual dysfunction.

Being someone armed with an arsenal of information, you’ll be in a better position to offer your partner resources to help them understand your condition better. This arsenal of information should include how you can potentially enjoy intimacy together and find alternatives that will satisfy both of you. Be sure to set your boundaries for what those alternatives will be.  

Seek Medical Advice

As stated earlier, it’s important for your health and the health of your relationship to keep up with your sexual dysfunction. So see your doctor regularly for appointments, take any prescribed medications as indicated, and follow a diet consistent with supporting your health. 

Deal promptly with any new ymptoms as they arise and be open to trying therapies, medications, or devices as your doctor presents them to you, as well as suggestions for lifestyle changes. Consider counseling as an individual. Consider couples counseling as well if needed or if you both feel it could provide your relationship with added support.  

Alternative Approaches to Intimacy

Speaking of being open, openness can include your willingness to explore varying types of intimacy besides sexual intercourse. There is an immense value in touch, emotional connection, and other activities during which you can bond. A sex therapist can help you and your partner introduce intimacy practices and exercises into your relationship that don’t include penetrative sex. 

What to Do if Your Partner Wants to Break Up Due to Your Sexual Dysfunction

Not everyone will be up for dating someone with sexual dysfunction, no matter how you approach the topic with them. Better you know now than wasting your precious time. 

If this should happen, don’t worry. As you find yourself back out there, dating with sexual dysfunction, here are a few tips. 

• Keep dating. When one relationship fails, mourn it, and move on. Rejection is part of dating. If a relationship doesn’t work out, remember it could have nothing to do with your sexual dysfunction.  

• Don’t let past experiences get you down.  One relationship shouldn’t set the stage for others. Look at each encounter independently.

• Prioritize self-care. If you’re feeling anxious or depressed, prioritize self-care. If you’re feeling good, do the same. You’re health and well-being, emotional and physical, should always be front and center for you. If you’re not kind to yourself, how can you expect others to be?

• Live your life. If you’re in between relationships, don’t let your search for a partner consume you. Live your life to the fullest. See friends and family and participate in activities that interest you. Be the interesting person you purport to be. 

Final thoughts …

Everyone comes to the dating table with a vast array of experiences, sexual dysfunction being one challenge among countless others people might face in their lives. You, like anyone else, are no less deserving of love. So show yourself the kindness you would another. 

But most of all, remember that by dating smarter, being understanding, and demonstrating a willingness to adapt, you can have a fulfilling dating life and relationship. One in which sexual dysfunction becomes not what keeps a relationship partner from you, but the impetus for them showing you that they, in fact, are the one for you.