When you sit down to write the bio in your online dating profile, you face the challenge of conveying who you are and what you want in a relationship using only a few hundred words. That can be difficult to do, let alone jump off the screen sounding optimistic, especially if you haven't had much luck with online dating in the past.

The result can be a struggle you may not be consciously aware of — and that's balancing positivity with getting your message across clearly. And what's your message? That you're worth getting to know better and looking to meet a special someone who meets a set of criteria that you've established. In other words, you want your dating profile to be somewhat self-selecting.

Below are a few tips to help you reel the right people in and rule the wrong people out — tastefully and tactfully.

Be clear in your online dating profile about what you want, not what you don't.

When using online dating, you should set your sights on finding an individual who shares the same relationship goals as you. After spending more than 30 years as a matchmaker, this is by far the strongest indicator a couple will form a lasting bond with each other.

How do I know? I've seen too many clients face disappointment when the person they've been dating hasn't been upfront about whether they want something casual, companionship, a committed relationship, or marriage. Of course, situations can change, but that's the exception, not the rule, and something you should never count on.

The people who do count on a change of heart are the ones who give online dating the reputation of being a "waste of time." However, I believe online dating can overcome this reputation when people communicate and listen more clearly. In other words, make your intentions known in your profile — if you're looking for a long-term match, write that. If you're looking for something casual, be aboveboard about that, too. Then take into consideration the words of others.

True, some daters will ignore what you're looking for in your profile and match with you anyway. So when you talk to a new match, ask clearly but respectfully about what their intentions for a relationship are. I must emphasize with respect because if you come on too strong too soon, even if you share the same goals, they might feel overwhelmed and not want to continue talking to you anyway. The same goes for criticizing their choice.

If your goals don't align, go your separate ways stress-free. If, on the other hand, the person you're communicating with says they don't know what they want but are willing to see where things go, consider this to be a red flag, too. You're looking for someone who already knows.

Often, when people don't have their relationship goals established yet, they're not ready to date, at least seriously. Those folks are better off spending more time single and defining their relationship needs with other people. Not you.

Don’t be too specific (aka mean) in your online dating profile.

 And I'm saying this in more than a tonal sense. While scrolling through online dating profiles, you will inevitably come across those in which a user lists standards for potential matches to meet. For instance, "No men under 6 feet." Or "No women over a certain weight." Even if you meet the criteria they demand, would you want to match with this person?

I wouldn't. The reason is the profile and person behind it sounds negative. This person is already tearing down others rather than building them up. If you want to date people with particular physical qualities, you might want to think twice about your mindset, or at a minimum, going to that extreme in your profile.

Filtering people based on superficial qualities significantly reduces the dating pool. It makes it more difficult to find a match because it causes others to overlook you automatically. After all, they believe they won't fit the bill, even if they could. Nobody likes rejection, and you're expressing a higher likelihood for them to experience it. Not to mention, you don't come off as open-minded or likable.

Your online dating profile shouldn't communicate to others how they might not be good enough for you. Instead, your online dating profile should present an authentic version of you that inspires others to ask for more information about your life. For instance, if you're looking for someone who isn't overweight, discuss how you like to exercise and want a companion interested in physical fitness as well.

Don't forget to express an interest in learning about those who visit your profile, too. People usually jump at the opportunity to talk about themselves, so make yourself an enticing audience.

Avoid self-deprecating jokes and sarcasm in your online dating profile.

After reading thousands of online dating profiles, self-deprecating jokes and sarcasm rarely translate to well-written profiles. Instead, they come off as bitter or present you as someone with low self-esteem.

A sarcastic quip is OK as long as it keeps the profile feeling lighthearted and upbeat. But this is harder to achieve than you might think. I'm much more of a fan of putting your best foot forward, not your best oddly large foot forward. Do you hear the difference?

Bottom line: hold yourself in high regard, so others will, too. The best relationships happen when two people like and respect each other, which means you have to like and respect yourself first.