How much contact is appropriate when dating someone new really comes down to preference. Some people like to talk or text frequently, while others prefer to keep communication more low-key.  

Though there is no set formula for how much time your should spend communicating during the early stages of dating, there are a couple of rules you should abide by. The first is to listen to your gut.  

For example, if you feel as though you are receiving too many contacts from someone and their interest comes off as smothering or, worse, creepy, consider that they may not be right for you. If, however, you are interested in continuing to communicate, politely ask them to pull back to a communication level that is comfortable for you. Then see if they oblige.  

The second rule is to take your cues from the other person regarding your own level of contact. In other words, if you are getting the vibe from them that they are feeling smothered by you or weirded out, pull back. It may be that you are coming on too strong or that the other person doesn’t have the same level of interest in exploring a relationship together as you do. Regardless, act accordingly and in a way that is respectful to the other person, moving on if that is the desired outcome for them.  

Apart from extreme behavior, how much communication feels right will also vary from relationship to relationship and is very much a part of what makes a match a good one. Ultimately, the amount of contact should be a mutual decision between both parties.  

To that end, communicate your feelings and expectations to your partner from the beginning and throughout the various stages of dating. It is just as critical to listen to your partner about the same. Below are a few guidelines for how much contact may be appropriate in your current situation.  

What is the appropriate amount of contact before meeting a new love interest in person?  

It is important to take the time to get to know one another before meeting in person. This is not only for safety reasons, but so you can also have an enjoyable experience when you do meet.  

Contact could include talking over text or phone about your interests, hobbies, and passions. It can also include preliminary discussions about your family makeup.  

More in-depth conversations should be tabled until you get to know each other better. That said, if you spot any dealbreakers during these initial contacts, you may wish to end your interaction before meeting in person.   

What is the appropriate amount of contact after a first date?  

If both parties are interested and comfortable with further contact, making a new plan for a second date may be appropriate, either at the end of the first date or during a follow-up text or call. At a minimum, the person who requested the date should confirm on the day of the date so there is no confusion.   

If there isn’t a strong connection or either party is not interested in further contact following a first date, a simple text or call to thank them for their time is usually sufficient. Unless you fear for your safety, don’t just ghost in either scenario.  

What is the appropriate amount of contact after a few dates?  

Generally speaking, a few text messages each day or every other day at this stage and a phone call or video chat once a week may be a good starting point. Picking up too much momentum early on could cause an otherwise strong match to fizzle out quickly. The best way to grow a strong relationship is to do so gradually.    

Remember, having a few dates doesn’t mean you are in a relationship, so it is still necessary to gauge by the other’s person’s responses how much communication between you both feels right. Expressing yourself is equally as critical. 

What is the appropriate amount of contact after you sleep with someone you are dating?  

After sex, some people may want to spend more time together and talk more often, while others may want to take a step back to assess the relationship. It is up to you and your partner to decide what is appropriate for your relationship.  

It is usually best to communicate with each other before sleeping together about expectations for communication once you have been intimate. This conversation should include the issue of what sex will mean in terms of your relationship status and whether or not you will become exclusive.  

What is the appropriate amount of contact after you have been dating for a few months?  

Generally, at this stage of dating, daily contact is typical, whether through texting, talking on the phone, video chatting, or some combination thereof. Some couples may prefer to talk or text multiple times a day, while others may prefer to communicate less.  

How much contact may also be determined by how often you see each other. Irrespective of your schedules, always be sure to respect each other’s preferences and boundaries. 

What is the best way to communicate to someone you are dating that you would like more contact? 

The best way to communicate with someone you are dating whom you would like more contact with is to clearly and directly express your feelings. Expressing your feelings can be done in person, over the phone, or even via text, although this last option is probably the least effective and can potentially cause miscommunication as text often does.  

Make sure that you are honest and explain why you would like more contact, such as wanting to spend more time together or wanting to engage in deeper conversations. Being open and honest about how you feel will help ensure that your message is heard and understood. 

What is the best way to communicate to someone you are dating that you would like less contact?  

On the flip side, the best way to communicate with someone you are dating with whom you would like less contact is to come right out and say it. Explain your needs and feelings in a respectful manner, making sure to show that you value the other person and the relationship.  

Let them know that you appreciate the time you spend together but that you need some space. Be open to listening to their concerns and work together to come up with a plan that works for both of you. 

What if the person you are dating does not respect your wishes about wanting more or less contact with them?  

If the person you are dating does not respect your wishes about wanting more or less contact with them, address the issue directly. Talk to them about your needs and expectations and why you want what you do.  

Should they still not respect your wishes and boundaries, then you may need to assess whether or not this is a relationship worth continuing. Always prioritize your safety.  

How can I find someone who enjoys the same amount of contact in a relationship that you do?  

The best way to find someone who enjoys the same amount of contact in a relationship as you do is to be clear about your needs and expectations. Be sure to communicate your desires and boundaries to potential partners early on in the relationship.  

 Additionally, you can look for people who share similar values and interests as you. This can be an indicator that they may have similar needs for contact. 

Final thoughts … 

If you are consistently finding that the people you date find you overbearing because of your communication style, take some time to assess why it is you communicate the way you do. Reasons can range from having too much time on your hands to being insecure.    

Finally, be sure to give yourself adequate time and space to get to know someone. Remembering all the while that the first person you need to communicate with openly and honestly is yourself.