Countless relationship articles are floating around discussing what you should be looking for in a partner, where to look for people to date, and how you can be a great date once you're on one. While these topics are all worthwhile and essential to finding the match who's perfect for you, they take one premise for granted: that the reader who wants to put the advice into action is ready to date.  

Often, this person is not, even though they may want to be ready. Or think that they are. Or have someone in their life telling them they are. As a matchmaker, I come across this all the time. Either I have prospective clients come to me who aren't ready or have had no luck dating because, as we discover together, they've spent too much time dating others who weren't either.  

So, for the question of the hour: How do you know if you or someone you meet is ready to date? It's easier than you think if you examine two factors: motivation and attitude.  

Are you or the people you meet motivated daters? 

If you've been "out there" dating, you've already met the two types of daters: the motivated dater and the lazy dater. The lazy dater is pretty easy to spot; however, for whatever reason, when those lazy daters meet a motivated dater, the motivated dater believes, erroneously and to their detriment, they can turn that lazy dater into someone who they're not.  

Lazy daters put minimal effort into their dating life. They're content to sit on their couch and swipe away, engaging here and there, and rarely follow through with anything. If they engage, whether on the phone, Zoom or in person, there's usually an overarching sense of ambivalence. If they get to the plans stage at all, the lazy dater is blah about the whole experience. After a meetup, they answer texts but rarely initiate and let connections fizzle despite feeling a spark. 

On the other hand, the motivated dater wants to succeed at dating, meaning they desire to find someone to spend time with and, in time, enter into a fulfilling relationship. How does this person know? They've spent time thinking about their past dating experiences, what's worked and what hasn't. They made changes in themselves — their habits, the effort they put in, and most importantly, their attitude, the second factor that will indicate whether you or someone you meet is ready to date. 

Do you or the person you're seeing have a positive attitude when it comes to dating?  

Again, if you've been dating, my guess is you've come across the guy or gal who says they're only online because their friend bought them a membership, they hate dating, everyone online is crazy, or they'll never meet anyone. Whatever the story is, it's negative. They're down on dating, and nothing you say or do can convince them otherwise. This individual is not someone you want to date, and if this sounds like you, you're not ready to date either. Here's why. 

The reasons underlying a lousy attitude about dating often come from an event in that person's past, something they're not over yet: a divorce, cheating, abuse, whatever. Honestly, it can be anything. The point is if they (or you) are not over it, dating will be a waste of time. 

So what does it look like and mean to have a positive attitude when it comes to dating? This person is genuinely excited about their future, including having someone in their life to share in that future. They're over whatever has been holding them back. They're over the abusive ex, the person who lied to them, or the one who used them for money.  

You can tell when you're talking to a person with a positive attitude because they're not talking about their past relationships incessantly or still angry about them. Because this person has let go of their past, they have time and energy to commit to the process of meeting a love interest. And, most importantly, are open to a commitment. 

Are you willing, or are the people you meet willing, to make dating and finding a relationship a priority? 

In other words, do you assign a high value to a romantic relationship? Likely, the answer to this question will turn on where you are in your life right now. You see, when you look at your life from a distance, you can recognize the different phases, or chapters, if you will, that we each go through and how they might affect our priorities, including our readiness to share ourselves with someone else romantically. 

The first chapter is the time when we grow up. That time includes our preteen years, teens, and part of our twenties, give or take. We learn who we are during these formative decades, and as we enter into an age-appropriate stage, we recognize those we feel attracted to and want to share our time with during the present. That may or may not turn into a long-term romantic relationship. Everyone's life takes a different path.  

The second chapter generally involves some combination of marriage, kids, and career growth. You may be married but have no kids, you may be a parent who stays home to raise kids, or you may have decided to stay focused on your career solely. Regardless, it's this middle chapter and what happens during it that will shape your attitudes about dating in your thirties, forties, fifties, and sixties, and beyond, which brings me to the last, and probably the best chapter in life. 

And that's the third chapter, which is mostly about yourself. During this time, you (hopefully) can look back at your life, what you've accomplished, and what you still hope to achieve. Unlike during the other periods in your life, this chapter doesn't involve what you can do for others (i.e., earning money to buy a house for your family, raising your kids, and amassing worldly possessions).  

Instead, this time often involves reflection about who you are in a philosophical sense and what you hold close. If that includes a romantic relationship, and you place a high value on it, then dear Reader, you are ready to date. Contact me today. I am here to help you start this next chapter off right — with someone special in it.