When you are perusing online dating profiles, you probably come across those who boast that they are witty or sarcastic to describe their sense of humor. Without a doubt, a sense of humor is an asset, but being funny and being sarcastic are two distinct ways of joking around.  

The latter should give you pause because it could indicate other issues lurking below the surface and not too far below either. So, if someone is communicating that sarcasm is how they prefer to communicate when trying to be funny, take heed. Here’s why.  

Sarcasm can be hurtful.  

In a very basic sense, sarcasm masked as humor can sting. We have all been with someone who insulted us, only to quickly follow it up by saying, “Just kidding.” Or, “That was a joke.”  

However, you will soon realize who you're dealing with when you challenge that person about what they said. A person who truly didn’t mean any harm will acknowledge quickly that they misspoke and be apologetic. You can take them at their word if it’s the first time, but if it continues to happen, then you should be wary.  

A person who meant to insult you under the guise of making a joke will respond, saying something like, “Can’t you take a joke?” or “You’re too sensitive.” This is gaslighting, the other person making it seem like you are the problem, not them. It is then that you will know you have an issue on your hands. Emotional abuse is subtle. It can come in the form of humor, except it’s no laughing matter.  

If someone you’re dating is making “jokes” at your expense, let them know right after it happens that what they have said is offensive. If they don’t stop, it may be time to reevaluate the relationship and consider your options, which is to seek couples and individual counseling or break up.  

Humor can be attractive.  

For many people, a sense of humor is attractive. Whether you’re the funny one, the person you’re dating is, or you are both on the same wavelength about what you consider funny, humor can bring you and a partner closer.  

There’s nothing like exchanging a glance with someone you care about and knowing you know what each other are thinking and that giving the look only the two of you understand means you are both cracking up inside. It really doesn’t get much better than that, so if you are finding it with someone new or enjoying it with your current partner, consider it a plus.  

Spending time enjoying other people’s humor.  

You’ve probably heard the expression “Laughter is the best medicine.” It’s true; if you’re feeling down, a funny comment, joke, anecdote, or story, when appropriately placed, can be uplifting. Often, the more, the merrier.   

If you and/or your partner are funny people, you probably know or are friends with some people who are the same way. Spend time with them, too. Going out as couples or in groups can be quite enjoyable and another way for you and your partner to bond over some laughs. 

Still another place to find laughter: professional (or even not so professional) comedians. If you enjoy comedy, go see a comic perform live. Whether you are seeing a comedian in an arena or in a smoky comedy club, or even at an open mic night, it can make for a fun date night. So, too, can booting up Netflix for an evening at home with the streaming service’s lineup, which changes regularly.  

One partner can be funny and the other partner not so funny.  

Not everyone has the same sense of humor, and that’s OK, too. If you’re dating someone and you don’t find them funny when they’re trying to be funny, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they are being unkind. But it may mean your style of humor doesn’t match.  

If your humor styles don’t match, don’t worry just yet; it doesn’t signal that your relationship is doomed. There are plenty of couples where one person is the funny one, while the other is more serious. That could very well be the dynamic that works for you and your partner, and it could be this exact dynamic that you both find attractive. It can all work, as long as the person cracking the jokes isn’t doing it at the expense of their partner.  

Final thoughts … 

Humor, like finding a healthy relationship, is personal. What one person finds amusing will not be the same for another. But that’s the magic of dating — discovering what makes someone tick. Revealing those quirks that one person may have found irritating and you find adorable, cute, and, yes, funny.  

Until the day finally comes that you realize you’ve found your person, your soulmate, your best friend. The day you both find yourself laughing without having an inkling what you’re laughing about because you’re just so happy and in love.