One of the most frequent complaints from users of online dating sites like Match and OkCupid is that responses are sporadic. In other words, you send out emails, and it feels as if they are going into a black hole, never to be seen or read. 

Well, there may be some truth to that. If you’re using online dating sites, there’s a real likelihood that you may be sending messages to someone who’s no longer there. Someone who is no longer active. Someone who met someone but never deactivated their profile, got busy, gave up, or never cared to begin with. Or the profile was fake. But that’s another story altogether, and if it was fake, better you never had to find out the hard way.  

Whatever the reason, the profile you’ve attempted to engage with is there, but the person behind it is MIA. The problem is no one told you, not even the dating site. So what should you do if you send out an email and don’t receive a response? 

1. Don’t take it personally. As I just said, online dating sites do very little to let you know if the owner of the profile you’re engaging with is an active subscriber or not. Numerous online dating platforms have faced lawsuits about this very issue. These suits specifically concern how many accounts are fake or inactive or accounts that were accidentally reactivated by the site when the user had deactivated theirs.  

2. Look for signs of life. On an online dating platform, that sign of life usually comes in the form of a green or yellow light that indicates the account holder is active or recently was. How active, though, you still may not be able to glean, given how many people window shop online.  

3. Check out when exactly the person was last online. In addition to the green or yellow light, many profiles include a timestamp of sorts underneath the name and location of the account holder to indicate when exactly the account holder was last online. Depending on the platform, it might say something to the effect of “Online now” or “Online 9 hours ago,” for example. Whatever the phrasing, look for this clue. If this information is missing, it may very well mean so is this person from the online dating world. 

4. Don’t get frustrated. I know; you’re already frustrated. It’s the reason you clicked on this article in the first place. But really, getting frustrated serves no good here. Employing online dating sites in your search for love is a means to an end. It’s a tool to help you, not the focus of your search, which means it shouldn’t consume you.  

None of these online dating platforms are perfect, and why you should use more than one (but no more than three) in your search. But if you do, you may want to try engaging with a more niche site, where you may not see the same people over and over. For example, if you’re using a site such as Match or OkCupid, which are more mainstream, you may want to consider an online dating site with a more focused community such as Jdate or Christian Mingle.  

5. Keep going. Online dating is a numbers game, which means you need to keep playing to increase your odds of winning. And by winning, I mean finding a first date and eventually a partner or a spouse. Your person. A real person. One who will answer your email on an online dating site, want to text and talk on the phone, and then want to meet you in person. It’s not magic, but when you find love and love finds you, it will sure feel like it is.