"I'm picky." It's not uncommon to hear someone describe themselves this way, especially when it comes to finding love. People usually use the p-word to explain the reason why they're single — by choice.

If you haven't called yourself the p-word, you can probably think of someone you have. Or someone you would want to, whether a friend or an individual you've dated.

Pickiness can be frustrating, both for you if you're the person engaging in the behavior and the person on the receiving end of it. For example, the person you've dismissed because of seemingly minor infractions — they're too short, own a cat, or have bad dating profile pictures.

But, you rationalize, you're waiting for the right one. The one who would never wear blue nail polish, who lives less than three miles away, and who likes lobster ice cream as much as you do. Is that so wrong? Well, that depends.

Being somewhat picky when dating is healthy.

Pickiness, to a degree, is healthy dating behavior. Everyone deserves to be happy and treated well. Unfortunately, the alternative, not being picky at all, often translates to having low standards and can result in settling for someone who doesn't share the same relationship expectations, long-term goals, or values as you.

Though it's healthy to have certain expectations about your ideal match, making those preferences too specific won't help you find romance. According to a study published in The Journal of Experimental Psychology, even when the study's participants listed attributes beforehand they believed would characterize their ideal partner should they meet them, once face-to-face, their choices weren't what translated into romantic desire, the kind that sparks a relationship.  

One reason for the low predictive value of naming desirable attributes, said the researchers, is that humans are complex. When considered together, all of the traits that make up a person can be difficult to distinguish. In other words, you like a person for their many characteristics and how they're combined and balanced in that person. You like and are attracted to them for their uniqueness.

So, based on the study, when looking for a match, it's probably a good idea to keep more of an open mind about the people you meet. Otherwise, you risk missing out on a match that might look different in real life than they do on paper.

That's not to say it's wrong to have a few deal-breakers, those qualities so detestable to you that you couldn't envision yourself being with this person. The issue is when those deal breakers become too specific, too insignificant, and too many to count. 

If that's not enough to dissuade you from being so picky, the next step is to figure out why you are. The reasons can really boil down to two: the first is you've genuinely had a bad streak and met dud after dud, causing you to become discouraged.

Or the second and more likely reason: you're emotionally unavailable. Meaning, you think everyone you meet is a dud because, though you say you want a relationship, deep down, you don't.

Are you emotionally unavailable?

Emotional unavailability is a tricky concept for many daters to grasp. It manifests in various ways and stems from several factors in a person's life, both internal and external. For example, emotional unavailability can result from attachment issues, trauma or grief, or a temporary situation, such as a job loss, that prevents a person from focusing on a romantic relationship.

So how do you know if you're emotionally unavailable? Ultimately, answering this question honestly will come down to how well you can engage in deep introspection and whether it will lead you to any sense of self-awareness. Unfortunately, coming to a conclusion you're emotionally unavailable could take a long time to uncover.

To help facilitate the process, there are other questions to ask yourself first.

●       Have you ever been in a serious relationship?

●       Did you just get out of a relationship?

●       Are you at all willing to have serious conversations, particularly surrounding your emotions?

●       How busy are you in the rest of your life, as in work, family responsibilities, or school?

●       How much work are you willing or able to put into a relationship?

If you've never been in a relationship with any depth or just got out of a relationship that's left you reeling, are unwilling to have serious conversations about emotions, are extremely busy in other aspects of your life, and are unable or unwilling to put in the work required to begin and sustain a healthy, loving relationship, you might be emotionally unavailable

So you think you're emotionally unavailable. Now what?

Emotional unavailability doesn't mean you're doomed to be single forever. But to overcome emotional unavailability, you'll need to be proactive. If you suspect there's a deeper reason underlying why you're so picky all the time, here's what you can do:

●       Look at your life and what could be causing your emotional unavailability (i.e., a recent breakup, divorce, illness, finances)

●       See how you can make changes in your lifestyle (i.e., work less, set aside time to date)

●       Talk to a therapist or other mental health professional

●       Spend time with people in happy relationships or happily dating to model their behavior

●       Open up to others about issues that may be bothering you

●       Take new relationships slowly

●       Find a dating "wingman" or "wingwoman" or professional dating strategist to bounce ideas off of and help guide you in your dating efforts

●       Remain positive; dating is about numbers and exposing yourself to as many people as possible

Once you take these steps, you'll probably have a new outlook on dating. And on your life in general. Both outcomes can help you become less picky and more receptive to finding that special someone you can't wait to spend time with and want to learn about more. Remember, the possibilities are there once you make yourself emotionally available to them.