There are a lot of factors that go into writing a successful online dating profile. And not all of them have to do with the words on the page, though they, too, are important. One misstep, and it could be the reason why a potential match passes you by.

Instead, what you want your profile to do is cast a wide net while still including enough information that the reader can quickly determine if you meet their basic threshold for matchability. What you don’t want to do is disqualify yourself for something in your profile that isn’t actually an accurate depiction of who you are.

So, who are you? Well, you tell me. Or rather, tell your new love. So, here are a few tips on how to do it.

1. Write your profile when you’re in a good mood.

If you write your online dating profile when you’re feeling optimistic, your positive state of mind will jump off the page, literally. However, the same will happen if you’re negative; the person reading won’t be able to get away from you fast enough. I mean, would you want to date someone who makes some of the following statements, which, even worse, often show up in the first line of an online dating profile?

●       “I don’t know why I’m here.”

●       “Is anybody really going to read this?”

●       “My best friend told me I should try online dating.”

●       “I can’t believe I’m back on this site again.”

●       “I’m not sure why I’m doing this, but here goes.”

●       “I’m here to see what happens, but I don’t hold out much hope.”

I can say pretty matter-of-factly that I wouldn’t want to date you simply because you sound like you wouldn’t want to date yourself. That’s a swipe left, Bob. 

2. Say less, not more.

Don’t do what this writer did, which is to say way too much. The adage less is more applies to online dating profiles, too. Consider the following two statements:

My last relationship ended after I found out my husband was having an affair with my best friend from college. I’m still angry about it and trying hard to move on, so I thought I would get on this site.”

“ lost my job last October, and now I’m thinking about starting a new career since I haven’t gotten any leads yet, probably because of the current administration. Lol.”

Neither of these narratives is suitable for a first date, let alone an online dating profile. Both reveal far too much information about the writer’s life, don’t reflect positively on the writer, make the writer sound negative, and, especially in the case of the second statement, can be polarizing.

And that’s despite the “Lol,” which does the opposite of what the writer probably intended it to, and that is to draw attention to the statement while making themselves otherwise sound wishy-washy (read: passive-aggressive) about their political leanings.

3. Be truthful.

If you’re separated, say so. Separated isn’t divorced. If you have a Jewish divorce, a get, Mazel Tov, but, remember, you’re still married under U.S. law. The same is true if you’re separated, but your spouse doesn’t know about it; “technically” married is still married. The last I checked, you can’t be a little pregnant either.

If you’re 67 and look much younger, again, congratulations. But your chronological age is still 67, so don’t put 54 in your profile because people say you look like you’re 54. Lies by any other name (“I changed my age for search purposes) are still lies. Same for height.

When you lie, and people find out about it, they tend to feel duped. They also tend to wonder what else you may be lying about. They also tend to send you packing.  

4. Focus on what’s on the inside, not the outside.

Do you know what’s sexy? Self-confidence. Being an interesting person. Independence. Knowing what you want. Do you know what’s not sexy? Focusing on someone’s looks, beginning with your own.

The reason? Who you are is so much more powerful than what you look like. Have you ever noticed that a person, regardless of their appearance, becomes better looking as you get to know them and find out you enjoy their company, think they’re smart, respect their values, and can see what a kind person they truly are?

The reverse is also true.

5. Tell a story.

Writing your profile as a story, with a beginning, middle, and end, while weaving in elements of what qualities you’re looking for in a potential match can be pretty effective. First, it keeps the reader engaged. Second, the technique gets readers to want to know more. And third, it’s specific enough so that the reader has enough information about whether they want to pass on your profile or engage.

The idea is that your online dating profile stands out from the others. Telling a story — your story — is an easy and fun way to do that.

6. Run your profile by someone else before posting it.

Before posting your online dating profile, ask a few people to read it. They should be people you trust, who will give you their honest opinion. Look for readers from your target audience, too. They may be able to tell you something different than your best friend or your mother.

If you’re not comfortable asking anyone, then try this: read your profile aloud. Do it anyway even if you’ve already asked five people to be your guinea pig. Often when you read a piece of writing aloud, you can hear your speech differently than if you read it to yourself. The idea is to come off conversational and relatable, and sometimes you need to hear what you wrote to do that.

7. Proofread, edit, and spellcheck.

The idea is to engage your readers by having them focus on the positives about your online dating profile and, obviously, you. Not engage them because your profile is so bad they can’t bear to look away from it.

Poor grammar, bad editing, and spelling errors are huge deterrents to readers. They may read to the end simply because it’s that horrible or decide to keep scrolling by the second sentence. Either way, the outcome isn’t one you desire.

In this day and age, any mistakes in your profile are on you. Which means you hold the key to a great profile. And your heart.